A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend last Friday and I'm starting to doubt my decision. Did I make a mistake?We had been together for a little over two years and we had been in a LDR for six months (I was the one who had to move due to my dad's job).I'm 17 going on 18 and he's 21.Before I left, his sister punched me in the face and did a lot of horrible things to me and my boyfriend never defended me, he actually stood up to her when I said I felt like crap that he did nothing about it. I never really got rid of the resentment I felt towards them and it's been eating me alive since then. That was one of the main reasons I broke it off.The second one was that last August he said he would come see me and then he said he had no money, so I purchased a ticket for him (I would have liked to go visit him but unfortunately I couldn't because my residency is being processed and I'm not allowed to travel right now). He came, everything was great at first but then I started feeling like he didn't even want to be around me! He would go shopping every day for hours and I would have to wait for him to be finished while I sat on a bench at the mall which honestly pissed me off a lot. Ever since then, I've resented him even more.Another reason was that I found some pretty messed up stuff on his hard drive (he forgot it and asked me to send him some documents because he needed them), I found disturbing things, and then a Word Document with the name of the guy I dated when we broke up for a while last year, so I opened it and it was some sort of diary with ideas retributions against my ex. Very, very detailed ideas which freaked me out completely.I understand I hurt him by dating someone else and this was written over a year ago but it gave me the creeps.We agreed to talk last week and decide what would happen with us but he was always busy on week nights and he told me we would talk on Friday, I waited for him to go on Skype and he never did so I texted him and he was out drinking with some friends. I started crying and then I got angry, I broke all his presents, blocked him from Facebook, twitter, etc to ensure I would not look into his profiles and miss him. So I decided to leave him but I feel really lonely now. I'm not sure what to do now. Apart from all this, he is a good guy, I guess... he used to tell me he would move to where I live now when he was done with college and we would get married in a few years (I know I'm young but he honestly did mean it), he was willing to continue the relationship even though I was leaving, etc. Did I make a mistake? I feel like I will never find a guy who loves me as much as he used to...
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I am not sure why it is you are feeling so lonely when he doesn't seem to make an effort even to contact you any more. His sister should never have hit you and he should have had a word with her about that, it never should have happened. Can I ask what age was his sister and why did she feel the need to be violent towards you? As for coming to visit you then spending his time shopping and not asking you if you wanted to go somewhere or do something, again sounds very selfish of him. Then he proceeds on to telling you pretty much he is to busy to talk to you.
I think you done the right thing here. Yes you say he said he wanted to marry you, you may feel that he meant that, but it is only words, and as you get older you will realise words mean nothing at all. I think you done the right thing, because it looks like this relationship would never work out long term as it was just not strong enough to last long distance.
A
female
reader, AuntyAunt  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 First of all, you need to stop questioning your decision. You have made the RIGHT CHOICE, trust me.
This guy sounds like a weird, controlling idiot that certainly didn't deserve to play such a big part of your life for 2 years. I know you miss him, thats only normal as you're used to him being around but it gets so much better.
I've got a strong feeling that me saying that isn't going to instantly convince you that you've made the right decision, so take a look at what you've written.. I think you've pretty much answered your own question here without realizing it.
'my boyfriend never defended me' why would you want to even think about getting back together with someone who wont even defend you when someone punches you in the face? regardless of who the punch came from.
'I never really got rid of the resentment I felt towards them' it's not healthy to resent your boyfriend, although it's very understandable why you did.
'I found disturbing things, and then a Word Document with the name of the guy I dated when we broke up for a while last year, so I opened it and it was some sort of diary with ideas retributions against my ex' - thats enough to ring alarm bells for any normal person, this guy is weird.
'Apart from all this, he is a good guy, I guess' - NO, he is not. There should be no reason for you to say 'apart from all this'
You made the right choice, stop beating yourself up.
You can do 100 times better than that freak.
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