A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am an attractive, intelligent, 39 year old divorced mother of two and have been dating "Mark" for 2.5 years. The problem is Mark likes to look at, compliment and flirt with other women. He often stares at attractive women when in my company.As well he has made comments like "wow you look great for your age" - to a lady he just met, or "if you were my teacher I would never skip class". I have asked him to stop but now he is resenting me, saying that he's being friendly not flirty. The other day we were watching a show with lots of hot 18 year olds in it. I asked if that's why he liked the show and he blushed and said he didn't want to answer. He's 42 year's old and that just creeped me out. I am tired of feeling undervalued and wish he only had eyes for me. Is there hope for us or should I put myself back into the dating game?Thanks for all advice!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): Im a female and I've dated men just like that.
I would NOT be happy with a man who behaved that way.
There are plenty of men who know how to treat a lady.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): If his flirting really bothers you, then he should be receptive enough to your concerns to be willing to talk about stopping it.
If you're not genuinely worried about him CHEATING and it's just a comfort level thing, then maybe you wouldn't mind him just stopping it in front of you?
If you feel he's crossing the line period, then maybe you should do a little flirting with other men right in front of HIM? This usually works extremely well to ram the point home.
If you want him to stop enjoying looking at 18yo girls on TV, it's not gonna happen. He's male and that's how he's wired.
Men experience PLENTY of unfair age-bias from women in the dating game too.
If you don't believe me, just ask any 18 year old boy. He's watching all his 18yo female classmates call him "immature" while they all have huge crushes on grown men. That boy is not immature, he's just normal for his age. The 18yo girls are holding that against him.
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (11 September 2008):
 I think he's crossing a line with his interactions with these women, he's bordering on flirtation. I too flatter the opposite sex in order to appear friendly but my girlfriend and I have solid understanding that I'm rarely being genuine and she also knows that she's the only woman for me. But in his case it seems like he's a bit... how to put it gently... perverted? Blushing over some teenage girls? A bit skeazy. Anyway, I doubt that he'll change. At his age, he appears to have settled into what I call 'suspended adolescence' where men never really get over that surge in hormones in their mid-teens that makes them stare at women, fantasize about everything that moves and masturbate excessively to poorly acted pornography. This is just 'him'. He'll probably never get over it so it's up to you to either embrace him or dump him.
I'm sure that he still think s you're gorgeous and whatnot, but it seems like his behavior could get him in trouble if any women misinterpreted his flirtatious ways as an invitation for sex, or if one day he is dissatisfied with simply 'looking' and complimenting, and may find himself in a shifty situation.
Mostly... his behavior probably isn't ill-intentioned, he just enjoys looking at attractive women. Some men do this to the expense of a solid bond with their significant other.
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