A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First of all this is a gay relationship,I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months, and we are living with eachother, I am currently going to college and he is working. I love him with all my heart! We make eachother laugh about anything, our silences are not awkward what so ever, he supports the things I do, vice versa. We do a lot of things a couple that are in love do, if not even more.As far as sex, it is great!But much more better for him....seee when it comes to the gay community, there are certain categories when it comes to sex, Tops - people who like to give (penetrate)Bottoms - people who like to be penetratedVers - people to like both...I am more of a Bottom, but i also like to top..my boyfriend is a 100 percent bottom, so that means... I haven't been touched the way I would like to be for over a year! Yeah we have sex... but I feel like he is having the sex... like its great dont get me wrong, he is always begging for it... but as far as my end, I am tired of being a top! I want to get penetrated! I want to give oral sex to a big sized penis! Also my boyfriend is not packing, so even if he wanted to top me... he can't go all the way in...Sometimes I am tempted to "cheat" on him, like have oral sex with a stranger or something and leave it at that, or just hook up with someone and leave it as that...I don't know what to do....I guess the reason I also want to do this, is because my boyfriend used to talk to some guy online and over the phone for 5 months while we were together and I found out 3 months ago... and ever since then he stopped and he is fully committed to me...Why am I feeling like cheating on him... its not so much that I want to cheat, its more that I want to get my pleasure that he doesnt want to give to me because he just doesn't enjoy topping...someone please help.
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male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (30 September 2010):
I think you need to tell your boyfriend how you are feeling and that I really do want to bottom sometimes during sex because you don't feel like your sexually needs are being met. I find that most of the problems people have in relationships stems from a lack of communication. If there is a problem you need to talk to him about it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): What is most important to you?
I'm bi, but I only am with men for sex. If I was with a man who wouldn't top, I'd have no interest in him.
You need to tell him what you need. If he isn't making you happy, and he loves you, hopefully he will be willing to change it up sometimes. Otherwise, you have to choose whether the emotional or the physical is more important to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): Talk to him!! It sounds like you love him and don't want to cheat. It also sounds like you're fed up with not getting what you need (like - over a YEAR?? aww you poor thing) and the need is getting stronger all the time and you'll end up cheating with a stranger if you don't sort this out with him.
Have you discussed this WITH HIM? All we can give you is advice, which whether helpful or otherwise, isn't going to fill that void. You need to tell him what you've told us and see how he reacts. He may be totally unaware that you want your fair share of receiving duties; he may not know how frustrated you feel without it. Of course you're entitled to it, but if YOU haven't brought the subject up, then he's hardly to blame.
You need to communicate: this is a huge deal, it's important, it's about YOUR right to get pleasure out of sex. Maybe the dynamic of you two getting together evolved in such a way that you were always top; maybe he thinks you're happy with that. If you don't discuss it with him, you can't expect it to change.
While you are committed to him, it wouldn't be fair of you to go out and suck a stranger, as tempting as the idea might be. If his online flirtation was no more than that, and he wasn't physically cheating, it's no big deal.
This all boils down to: have you talked about this, and if not, why not? What WE don't know is whether you've even raised the issue. If you haven't, then you should, starting tonight or tomorrow or next time you hook up. If you HAVE raised it and he's dodging the issue, there's a problem here.
If he has some physical or psychological aversion to giving it as a top, or just isn't big enough to do it, you'll need to work out a compromise (toys maybe?) or decide whether you can happily continue. If he won't even let you suck him, that's plain selfish.
If you're in love, try and work through this, don't let it go to waste through lack of communication.
I hope it works out ;)
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A
female
reader, wee_neko +, writes (29 September 2010):
Explain your situation to him (minus the being tempted to cheat part), and tell him that you often want to feel the way you make him feel.
Perhaps suggest the use of some toys? If he's not big enough to top you proper like then maybe a substitute could be in order. It might not be the same as a real penis, but it's better than nothing I think.
But definitely explain what your personal preferences are to him EXACTLY. Because otherwise he'll just think you're okay with topping all the time because hey you said you enjoy it too.
Good luck! Don't cheat on this guy if you love him man! I'm sure he'll be willing to compromise in bed :D
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A
male
reader, fordyboy  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Is there a compromise here. I'm sure he would let you give him oral even if he's not the biggest guy in the world. If he does not give or top as you call it perhaps he could "do you" with a toy or food item such as a cucumber or banana. Don't cheat on this guy though, you both obviously love each other, so yo cheat would be silly you'll both get hurt. Also you could consider buying a penis enlarger!!
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