A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This unfortunately sounds like something from the school playground . My best friend had this other friend who bullied her for years and 'controlled' her . she told her where they would meet and go out what she had to wear it was always her way or its the wrong way and she would sulk if she didnt get her own way etc . They had a fall out and i got to see my best friend a lot more. she wasnt feeling good with herself and wanted to lose weight so i helped her and shes managed to lose 5 stone healthy diet and exercise , its given her a lot of confidence and shes been really happy but now this friend of hers is sliding her way back in saying stop the diet its not good for you and saying when theyre going out where they are meeting and its going back to square one with them ( the friend is twice the size as my best mate but refuses to lose weight and expects my best friend to pile the weight back on ) . Its like my best friend feels she has to be loyal to this bully because shes known her for a long time . Its not jealously on my part its worry because my best friend wont stick up for herself and has admitted she goes along with her other friend to keep the peace even tho it upsets her . How can i help this situation ? i want my friend to stick up for herself more and not go back to being the 'mouse' she used to be
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2017): I like what Slippers said and think telling your friend that you don't want to be used to pick up the pieces if her and the other friend have a fall out is quite reasonable. Ask her what friend wouldn't be happy for her to be healthy? By going back to old ways and putting weight back on that she worked so hard to lose she will risk obesity related diseases and likely shorten her life span...If she's fine with that then carry on but I would be massively frustrated to deal with someone so weak-willed. She does need to stick up for herself and the only person who can do that is her. Unfortunately if she allows this friend to go back with the old ways then she only has herself to blame. She needs to be the one arranging meetings or if she actually doesn't like this person very much - she should just say no to meeting up as often and let the friendship fizzle out. All you can do is what you have been doing, and encourage her to make the best choices for herself rather than make them for her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): She'll come around. Gently nudge her in the right direction by setting an example. Engage her interests by doing things together. She wants to lose weight? You can run together, pick out a health and wellness book for her from your local library, window shop and fit dresses. No one can resist feeling good. But I see Aunt Slippers' point - don't lose yourself in the process. But cheers to you for being a good friend.
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (3 March 2017):
This isn't going to end well for you if you continue down this path . Your friend finds something in that destructive relationship " what " I can't say . But you will only get blamed and turned on if you continue .
I would subtly remind her she going so well but that the diet is up to her , I wouldn't however become 2nd best so if she starts limiting our time for this other friend . I would not take up the slack when they have another fall out.
I would if I were you find another female friend take up a new hobbies etc see where that leads ..
Chin up
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