A
female
age
51-59,
*arana
writes:I am a grown up person, divorced with a grown up child and I should know better, but I am stuck in a situation and do not know how to help myself.I know that I should leave him specially at my age I must know better.I think/know he is dating/wining and dining other women he either meets from online dating sites or wine bars.I was using his laptop and searched into his history and found out that just one before he has been using eharmony dating site.Why did I check, because I suspected him dating other women eg last May he said he was going out with males friends who he had met in embassy where he comes from (he had never mentioned them and he is a loner and the only friend he has is his ex-solicitor who would love him to be single as go girls hunting together in wine bars and string fellows.anyway that night at midnight he called me under influence of alcohol and told me that his Scandinivian friend brought him his girlfriend stating that as he was leaving uk, my BF could have for one year and she talked to my bf and told him that he has to pay her rent and give her weekly payment as his friend has been also providing for her.Then in July in conversation he told me that his Enlish friend went out with her a girl and on his second date she asked him to pay for her rent and pay her weekly money.I KNOW HIS LIES ABOUT THE MALE FRIEND NATIONALITY AND LENGTH OF DATING TIME IS BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND DATED THIS GIRL TWICE HIMSELF.We have been dating for the last 3 years on and off, with me breaking off with but he keeps coming and cries.I am under stress and killing myself.He ogles younger women in front of me and calls me jealous and insecure and says it is normal to look at other women. he can look but ogling is disrespectful. if a woman is in one side of the road and is crossing he follows till she disappears out of site.He says he loves and taking me to his family should be enough prove.He has money but no giving me anything, I am an independent lady who does not like to be bought, even if he offered it to me I would reject it, but I feel that he behaves that as he can afford bad women who would date him. I feel he is with me as he cannot find his idle woman and I am giving sex. he says he travels and comes and goes as he pleases himself.There are so many other evidences that he is dating and using websites and I asked my friend whom he has not met to contact him and went to meet her, but she did not go but both of us went and stayed out of sight and saw him.. She asked for a bunch of flowers and she did not turn up he brought the flowers to me next day.I know I must leave this dog and perhaps meet someone who is not arrogant and can afford women (I am not saying well-off are womanisers but this one is) and I feel like meeting someone who has no money. He denies dating other women, he says he talks to women in wine bars.He says his mom said there is nothing wrong with him going to String fellows lap dancer night clubs and chatting women in bars is normal and that I am trying to change him and she has told him to tell me to get over myself.
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divorce, flowers, his ex, insecure, jealous, lapdance, money, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tarana +, writes (13 October 2010):
Tarana is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are spot on. I very much appreciate your advise (very wise). I also thank you for taking the time to read my problem and responding to it.
With regard to my bad advice to my son, yes I agree: my parents were in an unhappy marriage, they argued and my father beat my mother, my mother left a few times but came back. I see how my behaviour can affect my son's future relationships as it has mine.
However, I have not involved my son in my troubles as this guy and I do not live together. But I must admit I told my son in November 2007 that I had ended it with this man, but one month later I took him back, so I guess one could say that I am not a good relationship example to him.
I have lost my confidence: although I am attractive and been told that I have a 20 year old girl's body, I am size 8 and have very good figure. I am still insecure.
You are right, he does not think his womanising is wrong as he sees himself as single, I have medicals and have told him time and time again that my health is effected.
But it is my call and I should stand up for myself and until I make that call I get treated that way and I have nobody to blame but myself.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 I've never personally met a mother who'd give such bad dating advice to their son. He doesn't respect you. To him, you're part of his game or obsession with women. You need to be firm and tell him that this relationship is not what you want. You don't want a boyfriend who tells you to get over yourself, so he can freely go out and mess around with other women. You're not property, nor are you obligated to him. It's time to make that change for you. It can be hard, but the more you stay, the more you accept being treated the way he has been. Remember that money is not the object, it's how the money is used that causes these issues. You can meet a guy who'd be taking you out to dinner, buying you flowers etc. instead of buying women to satisfy this abnormal behavior. You should be treasured and not treated as a doormat as he has been. The biggest reason for leaving and not hoping for the best, is that I bet he actually believes there is nothing wrong with what he's doing, and he apparently doesn't care how his behavior affects you.
It's hard sometimes to make that change, but if you think about it, aren't you pretty much taking care of yourself now? He sure isn't doing a good job in taking care of you.
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