A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:why Cant i end it?My gf has cheated on me three times she has lied to me and when i finally got to ending it she started telling me she loved me. I still care for her. Though i have told her Im not taking any more crap which appears to make her angry with me? She keeps saying if you love someone you forgive them. Im not forgiving her again i Cant take her lying again and i know it Will happen in my mind Im already preparing myself for it. She does not know the meaning of love or loyalty. But how do i actually end it and not give in or back down.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): You can either keep your self-respect or keep her. Pick one or the other.
A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words.You've given her 3 chances. In my opinion, 3 strikes and you're out. Most people would have left after one instance of cheating, and you've given her three!You've no choice but to leave her if you want to preserve your sanity and move on to a better future. It's going to take courage and strength on your part, so get support from friends and family (or here on DC) and do what needs to be done.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 I had this problem a while ago with a girl I was dating. I knew that it had to end because the relationship was nothing but anger towards each other. What I did was tell myself that when she came up to see me I would tell her. Don't try to prepare for it, next time you see her just say that it is over and see what happens. You already know that it is over so there is no sense trying to prepare for something that you will never actually be prepared for.
I understand that it is not easy in the least but if you tell yourself you're going to do it right then and there and don't give yourself any other option it should come out. You can still care for the girl but caring for someone doesn't imply your suffering.
Once you quickly get the words out that it is over everything will fall however it was meant to. Don't think just blurt it out, you have done all the thinking that you need to do already.
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A
male
reader, 1truluv +, writes (25 June 2011):
Alright man, it seems like you were kinda in a situation I was in before. What I did was think about this: Is she making you happy? Does she seem happy with you? Can you see a future with her? Can you ever trust her again? If any of those answers are no, then you gotta break up with her. You have to mentally prepare yourself and realize, that you will be much happier without her. She obviously doesn't appreciate you, otherwise she would have never cheated on you. She doesn't love you, because there are absolutely no excuses to cheat on someone you love. I know it will hurt, but you gotta think about this in the long run. Take a deep breath and tell her how you feel. If she responds with the "but I love you" statements, then you have to ignore them. Keep in mind, if she loved you, she wouldn't have cheated. Hope this helps and good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (25 June 2011):
 You are stuck because you choose to be and to avoid conflict.
When someone loves you/says they love you, you are NOT obligated to accept ANY treatment the dish out for you.
No one can "force" forgivness out of you. It is a freely given gift. You can forgive her, but she still needs to re-establish trust. She broke it.
If you do not feel you can ever trust her again, then that is the PRICE to her cheating. She has to pay that whether she wants to or NOT.
How do you break up? First, be a real gent (even if you think she does not deserve it) and do it to her face.
Do not confuse her by acting like a bf with hugs, kisses, affection..
"GF, I have thought about this for a long time, but I can not keep dating you. I do not trust you and I feel like I am not going to get past that and trust you like I once did."
She might be mad, sad, crying etc. I am sure you do not intend to hurt her. Just be genuine.
Then when you leave to go home, make sure she is in a safe place. (Do not break up with her in public then leave her there alone to cry or so upset she shouldnt be driving home.)
Breaking up is hard. It sucks, it hurts for BOTH people, but if you know you want to and do not..it will just get worse for you and you will resent it more.
Best Wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): She sounds a bit manipulative to me. In which case you need to bear in mind that your attempts to end this relationship will be met with behaviours designed to change your mind such as making you feel guilty or bad for breaking up with her. You need to be absolutely honest with her. Tell her you're not putting up with her cheating, lying ways anymore and enough is enough. Don't listen to her whining and pleading. Just tell her and walk away. You've got to be cruel to be kind to yourself.
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