A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my good friend and my ex are getting friendly..... and hiding it, i know about and confronted them and they say they are just mates at the moment. my friends tell me that if our friendship is going to get awkward then mates is all they will stay. trouble is, im still sleeping with and spending heaps of time with my ex! stupid i know, but i love him still and when i told him he was it more than just sex and he said of course but he still messages my friend and so on and so on.im upset with my friend as she knows everything about what happened during our relationship (minus the sleeping together part) should i tell her whats been going on betwen my ex and i and how i still feel about him?? will that make me look pathetic??
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female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (18 December 2011):
Personally id tell her, why should he have his cake and eat it. If.shes a.real friend.then she will tell him to.get lost and so should you really. Best of luck hun xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): First off lets get one thing straight, it's not about 'more than just sex' for him otherwise he wouldn't be your ex now would he? You're there to keep him in sex and cuddles until he can bag your friend, and if not her then some other girl. It's nice of you to do that for him OP but is it really what you want? To be his castaway who is still providing for his sexual needs while he goes off in search of another woman? Very charitable of you.
Would it make you look pathetic for telling her you're sleeping with him still, well does it seem pathetic to you that you're clinging on to dear life and hoping sex will win this guy back?
In my opinion, no it wouldn't make you look pathetic but it would a stupid to thing to do. You're in your 30's, I can only assume your boyfriend and friend are the same age. You're a bit old for these childish games of possession aren't you? Your friend should be wise enough to know not to go near him, simple as that it's a very basic rule of friendship, no siblings, no ex's. He should also know and be nice enough not to go near your friend and not develop a relationship with her especially when he still has his flesh puppet feeding his needs.
You do realize this may well all be in your head right? You're completely desperate here, feeding off the scraps your ex is giving you and now you may well be starting to see things that aren't there.
He's allowed get friendly with who he wants, even when he was with you. Now he's single he's free to shag other women and start dating them too, are you going to call up every girl and tell them you're sleeping with him? No, because that really would then be pathetic.
Say nothing to your friend, she should know better and if she doesn't then it's better you find out now so you ditch her and move on. Any person who would get a friends ex, one of their great loves is an asshole that is not a friend.
I agree with the others here,it is him you need to sort out. Either shit or get off the pot. I mean what is this to you? Are you hoping to get pregnant or something so you can keep him that way, what? This is going nowhere OP and frankly as a guy who's had an ex like you I had absolutely no reason to get back with her and commit because she was giving me the goods for free. I thought that was pretty awesome at the time, free sex and I don't have to make any sort of emotional commitment just reassure her from time to time it's not just about the sex and let her own hope convince her that it's better not to question too much or she'll push me away.
You see OP by sleeping with me she was giving me no incentive to win her back, I was getting all the good and none of the bad until I found someone else. She was crushed, I wasn't bothered because I didn't do anything wrong, it was consensual and I never once said we were going to get back together, I made no promises and she's the one who thought it work. Even saying that it meant more wasn't a lie because she was my ex at one times she was special to me and it always means more when it's with an ex because they know what you like in bed.
OP what you want is not going to happen the way you are acting, you're even now considering the last ditch effort of a desperate woman and that is to approach every other girl instead of actually sorting this out with the only person who can, your ex. He's the only one that will solve this, you may well end up with major shit with your friend if you go warning her away for him and she had no intentions in the first place.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (18 December 2011):
I don't know what kind of friends you have...but normally, your friend's ex is off limits.
I think you should drop him and tell your friend that you've still been sleeping with him and drop her too. Then they can go on with their lives and you go on with yours. In reality, it looks like you and your ex aren't going to be anything again and he's trying to hook up with your friend--it's time to get over him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): Sounds like your ex may be having his cake and eating it too. I agree w/the first response, your friend should not be dating your ex ESP, if you've told her you still have feelings for him. You may need to make a choice, as this love triangle may be headed head on in the near future. Find out if your ex is feeling the same about you as you him. They say people are ex 's for reasons. If they have feelings for each other and your the third wheel out then you are going to have to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. If you ex insists on staying friends with the two of you, then you have some decisions to make.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (17 December 2011):
 To help you answer your question you need to ask yourself a few more, please be honest with the answers:
Why haven't you told your friend about the sleeping together part?
Why did you break up in the first place?
Why are you both (you and him) keeping the relationship you have now, secret?
What will be achieved in the short term if you tell your friend and what are the possible long term effects.
If you are able to work out what you want to achieve here, FOR YOURSELF, you will be better armed to decide what to do with this situation.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Are you sure your friend is REALLY your friend? True friends don't go behind their mates back and get involved with an ex! It sounds like you are getting caught in the middle of something that could turn out to be quite painful for you. If you love the guy that much, then yes, put your cards on the table and let her know whats going on..but seriously..I really wonder if either him or her are worth your time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): I think lettting her know you are still sleeping together and he has said its more than sex for him as well.
May as well be out front about it but I'll tell you something- I don't think your Friend cares.
I think she is okay with sleeping around as is your Ex.
Question is, you okay with being a part of a sex/triangle dynamic?
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