A
female
age
30-35,
* Beautiful Disaster
writes:Hey all,Recently I've been talking to an ex from a long time ago and he admitted to me after a year of being apart that he still had feelings for me. I'll admit that I've always had feelings for him and have wanted to get back together with him for a long time. We had a good heart to heart yesterday about several issues, one of which was telling him that I had stopped smoking as it deeply upset my mother when she found out. I've never really got on with my mother. I came home from university yesterday and she's been shouting at me and essentially verbally attacking me ever since I came home. I know she cares, but even my father says she goes too far sometimes. There have been other issues that have affected me, like my grandmother going into hospital with cancer and my current boyfriend treating me like dirt. As I felt quite weak about everything and on the verge of an emotional breakdown, I had a cigarette and tonight he told me that someone had told him that they'd seen me smoking (and I think it must be his current ex girlfriend as she despises me, but I'm not too sure), less than a day after I'd told him I'd given up. I've explained that things have been rough lately, especially with my mum, but now he claims that I've lied and that it's much harder to believe me when I tell him things. I've reiterated the fact that when we were together I was completely open and honest with him about everything and never had anything to hide. I feel as though I've ruined my chances of getting back together with him just because of this one slip up. Is there anything I can do or say? Does anyone have any opinion on this? Help would really be appreciated!
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male
reader, planos +, writes (18 December 2011):
 Hi there, I'm sorry about your problem. Honesty is the key to any successful relationships,but anyway we are human and we are not perfect, so we will do some mistakes.In my opinion, there are still chances for you to get him back. Believe it or not, there are 90 percent of chances for couples that already broke up to get back together. You just screw up a little bit, and you still have more than 80 percent of chances to get back with him. Don't give up, you just need to have a good plan to get him back to you. I hope this will help you, and i wish you will get back together with him soon!
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2011):
Hi there. Is the real issue that you told him you had given up, and then someone said they saw you smoking?
Even if you were smoking, what was the big deal?
Is your smoking the real issue between you and your mother?
There seems to be a few things going on here, doesn't there?
Whether you had a cigarette or not, could be that his ex girlfriend just wants to get back with him again, and she is doing this by trying to make you look bad in his eyes?
People sometimes do this, to try and get their foot in the door once again, with an ex.
What really needs to happen now is for you to meet up with him, and have a good long talk about everything and sort this thing out about the smoking.
The air needs to be cleared once and for all.
It seems like the smoking issue, is getting in the way, don't you think?
All relationships need to be based on complete honesty, so that there is trust.
Perhaps he feels that if you have lied to him about smoking, that you might also be lying about other things. It's a common assumption.
The main thing is you want him to trust you, keeping it in mind it's been a long time since you were a couple. So you would have both changed a bit, surely.
He wants to know that you are a woman of integrity and that he could trust you again, should you ever consider being a couple in future. That's fair.
You would undoubtedly feel the very same way.
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