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female
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*mtired
writes: I am tired. I really do! I have no one to turn to. I am sick of this life. I have no interest in doing anything. Even, shopping is the thing that I really love to do with my friends for ages. I am in a trouble relationship. My bf is too possessive. I used to lie to him to go out with my friends to club. He really hates it when I go to club without him. He then found out me doing so. From that moment on, he never trusts me again. I can no longer hang around with my friends and even if I go out with my family, I have curfew and I only allow going three times a week. Not more than that. I am tired but I really love him so much. We fight so much over my clothes, going out. I am tired of fighting. All I want is his trust back. Can someone please tell me what should I do? I really lost and I do not see a point of living in depress. Pleaseeeee Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): I have the same problem except my bf is hurtful when speaking to me and blames me alot. It hurts so much i know i should leave him but he's a good person and i love him and i know he loves me. My friends think i have changed and i have, i dunno how, i guess i'm scared of everything now, but when ever i do see my firneds my bf seems to be ticked off at something, he wont say it's cuz i saw my friends but i know that is y he's upset. I dont have friends anymore. I dont even know if i am able to ake my own decisions i am afraid i'll trigger him and i'll get verbally abused. He has never hit me and i dont think he will but sometimes i wish he does cuz the words hurt so much more than any physical pain. One day i was crying cuz he said omething to hurt me( blamed me i think)and he threw a rag at me and said wipe my face and i asked " what will u do it i dont?"
he said " ill beat you" very sarcastically. This hurt so much more cuz he know i was in a physically abusive relationship prior to him. one time he even asked " why do all ur friends treat u like a slut?' (most of my firends r guys)
When we r alone we r okay sometimes, we get into less agruements, he gets upset less, but when we go out which is VERY rarely with his frinds ( i dont seee my friends anymore)I get yelled at/ abused verbally and blamed for being " sour" I dont like his friends and he knows it. But when we go out with thm i try, and its not enough. I'm a self mutilator so when i am hurt i cut myself. I cut after he 'discipline's' me.
I know heloves me, I want to stay with him if he stops or at least is less insecure, but i know one day if he continues, i'm gonna have to leave.
A
female
reader, Lzavmon03 +, writes (26 November 2005):
 I have to tell you that this kind of behavior is not healthy. If he truly trusted you and felt secure abut his own self, he would let you go out and ahve fun...what is he so worried about? Have you talked about this with him? No man should ever think he has such control over hsi significant other--especially if he isolates you from your family and friends--I STRONGLY RECOMMEND you seek help like couples counseling for the both of you if you truly wnat to saty with him; but I also see that you are tired of fighting and always ahvng arguements about your clothing...you should be able to wer whatever the hell you wnat and not have to look to him to seek his approval! I'm sure you don't do the same t him!!! Ask yourself if this is soemthing you really wnat to live with the rst of your life if you guys get married....it's not a mtter you you trying to gain his trust back, but him getting OVER HIMSELF and getting over HIS own INSECURITIES. He doesn't have any right to tell you what to do--that is absolutly ridiculous--and he has no right to give you a "curfew"! You are a grown woman and if you acn ahve sex with him, you can make your own decisions because he's NOT your dad and you're NOT 11 years old! Then he would ahve the right to tell you what to do if you were a little kind who didn't know better--ut if you are a young woman and can think for yourself, you don't NEEED him to make up your mind for you. It's not your fault he's that way--it's his own fears that you dressing sexy might lead to you cheating...he's AFRAID of this...bt you know what? Wouldn't it be great t be with a person who trsuted you and dind't freak out or overreact to you going out with your friends or being with your family? He doesn't have any right to put all these rules and restrictions on you--If I were you, I'd leave him just ebcause I know what the future is going to be like and I wnat to be in control of my life and not give that control to anyone else. Only YOU know what's best for YOU! You don't ahve to live this way if you don't wnat to--you can find someone else who will be rational and calm and not be so reactive to your innocent outings or you can go to couples therapy, but from what you wrote, I don't know if he would be willing to do that--you will know if he's worth anymore of your time if he agrees he has a problem with overreacting and wnats to solve it. It is not right that you are seaparated form your friends and family. I recommend you get away from him..he's not healthy for you and he'll drive you crazy..guys that are this crazy with jealousy aren't healthy...why don't you stay over your family's house and saty with them? If you dump him, make sure it's in a public place with a lot of people around..make sure it's daylight and have a friend waiting for you after it's done...don't meet him alone...Life will eb better without him in it because he disrespected you by not trusting you and putting all these ridiculous and insane rules on you--no bf is allowed to do that because he is attempting to control you just so that he feels better about himself--he's selfish too. It's better to get away from this bad influence really, I'm sorry if it isn't what you wat to hear, but I was in your shoes once with my ex and I KNOW how things can escalate and how little things can turn into bigger problems later, so before you guys get anymore involved or before soemthing happens, just leave--stay with your family, stay with friends because they will always have your best interest in heart. Good luck with everything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2005): i reckon your boyfriend might have an issue with jealousy he most probably likes you so much that when you go out his scared that people are going to be looking at you.the best thing to do is sit down and have a proper chat about things tell him how much you love him and that your fed up of him being so possesive.you will find that telling him everything on your mind will flick a switch in his head and make him realise that he loves you so much and doesnt want to lose you through something so simple to deal with.if the chat does lead to an argument walk away and try and be on your own where you can reflect on the situationgood luck!
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