A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 and so is my boyfriend.. I have a problem... seriously! I'm an over thinker about everything (paranoid in other words), when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend. I have been with him for 2 years and we are very close. He is an amazing guy and has been very faithful to me. The problem is, is that I have cheated on him about a year and a half ago and ever since then i have been paranoid if he's done anything behind my back. He forgave me for cheating and looked past it, but i really seriously think i have a huge problem. I will literally go back in time and be like..for example,"hey what did you do that one day when you went to that one party a year ago? did you cheat on me, hu hu? did you flirt, hu? tell me!!!" lol, that is seriously how ridiculous i am. I bring up the past constantly, thinking i'll catch him up on something that doesn't even exsist, and he thinks i am crazy!! aaaahhhhh!!! I am driving myself insane, and now it's only gotten worse, because now that he knows how paranoid i am, he sometimes( only twice actually) has lied to me about if he goes places with his friends where there may be girls there, because he just thinks i will flip out(and i do..badly) and he is at this point where he is so fed up with fighting, that he has almost been forced to lie... oh my god! please help me i am going crazy, and i seriously want to make things work..help me to stop being psycho/insecure/jealous..etc!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think another reason i am so paranoid maybe...is because of his old reputation. He was never "bad bad" but yeah, back in the early years of highschool ( before we were together), he had a rep to not take his relationships seriously and ultimately cheat on some of his not so serious g/f's..he was alot younger though, but still. at the beginning of my relationship with him, people would always comfort me with the whole fact i cheated on him by saying.." yeah welldon't feel that bad, it's not like he hasn't ever cheated on his girlfriends before",but i never understood how that had anything to do with me and him??? lol,(my friends i guess don't always have advice that makes sense). so then that constantly made me think though.. "OH my god! what if he's still like that,bla bla bla..." yeah, it's stupid, but like i said, I AM REALLY PARANOID!! WTF!I blow everything out of proportion.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your advice. I really do want to make this work with him and I, and if i can just stop being so paranoid and if i can forgive myself for what i've done, i think and hope that i will be fine. I seriously need to work on it big time though..lol. My brain is out of control, i swear!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009):
What you have to is to "Chill". Because you cheated on him and you regret it you now think that he could do the same thing to you. Think of it like this. If he has stood by you for this long after the constant questioning then he must really like you seriously. Most guys would just say screw-it and find someone else by now so you are really lucky to have him. And to be honest if you keep getting at him then he might just leave. What you need to do is trust him on his word that he isn't cheating on you and if you still are not sure give him some more lovin and treat him and all the womanly ways and that will mean that if he is cheating (which he almost definately is Not!!) then he will get bored with her because his real girlfriend just cranked it up a notch and is sexier and more loving than ever before! This means that your safe in the knowledge that he was never cheating on you and he will be happy that you are not asking him about every party in his life that may have had a girl in it.
This is probably the best way to get him to love you more and because of this you will be happy because you know that no man would think of cheating on such an amazingly sexy and loving woman such as yourself! Another way would be to just tell him how scared you are about him cheating on you and seeing as he sounds like good guy he will comfort and reassure you about how strong your relationship is with him.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, lovesalias +, writes (23 January 2009):
 First and foremost I think that although he has forgiven you, you have not forgiven yourself. You need to forgive and trust yourself if you really want this to work. Let me tell you from experience...if you continue to accuse him you will get what you are asking for. You must also realize your worth and know that you are a beautiful, smart, fun loving woman that any man would be lucky to have and to stress about what might happen is ruining you and your relationship. Build up your self esteem and give him the freedom to be with his friends sometimes. Every guy needs that. Yes, other girls are going to be around but if you are confident in yourself, you won't need to worry. I hope this helps! Good Luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Hey,
It appers you are un trusting because of your own actions you need to trust your own love to him before you can fully learn to trust him. You see the more you continue to press on what he is doing where he is and why he is there will only cause him to get angry at you and to avoid arguments he will lie, its a snow ball effect. The evidence is there he is faithful you said it yourself so trust him forget the past and move forward, honestly the more you question him the more he will want to avoid the questions and eventually he will lie or you will lose him. You need to forgive yourself for what you did if he has then there is nothing to worry about. You are young life is short enjoy what you have with him not what you think is going on when your not around. It sound like he loves you so enjoy that and lay off the questioning or you will lose him.
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