A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.I have a major problem with my marriage. Although my relationship with my husband is great in every other way, the sex is so lame that i cannot take it. It´s pretty much the usual 2-minute missionary intercourse under the covers with the lights off once every two weeks. I have tried every possible trick i can think of to change it but no. The problem is not me, i am willing, able and definetely not bad to look at. I am so sexually frustrated and all the masturbating in the world cannot help me. The only thing i haven´t tried is telling it like it is but somehow i don´t think it would do much good if i told my husband that the sex sucks and i am not getting any pleasure.How can i say these things to the man i love without hurting him? I am getting so horny and the constant neglectance of my needs is affecting my sexual self esteem. I don´t want to cheat on my man but i´m afraid that my threshold is getting so low that i cannot trust myself anymore. There are a lot of hot guys who have made their interest in me known, and though i have never reciprocated anything i am scared that i might do so, because i just really really need to get laid properly. what can i do? I dont´t want to be a cheater!!!
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horny, self esteem, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): I feel for you, I have a similar problem. For the last 18 years my wife and I have been committed to each other. I love her like I love no other woman. We decided to have kids 5 years ago and up to that point we where an above average couple sex at least 4-5 times a week. When our first daughter was born, 4 years ago, it was like something got switched off even after two years sex once a month was a treat. I had to resort to masturbation since otherwise if she was in the mood I would get so horny I would not last 2 minutes. When she told me she was pregnant again (we are both over 40) I had to scratch my head to remember when we last had, had sex. And remembered an encounter 7 weeks before. I trust my wife so I am sure she is not cheating. The only time I ever get "lucky" is when I can convince her to go down on her. I have got so desperate I joined an erotic chat group, but chickened out as soon as someone started chatting, thinking I was a cheat and despicable.
Anyway good luck, and hang in there
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): It sounds like your looking in the wrong direction. Your man feels like shit if he's not sexually interested. Talking to him directly about is shortcomings is not the way to go, this will only make it worse.
You are already attracting attention from other guys and its making you feel like a million dollars.
Your man needs help with his self esteem, once he feels good about himself he will feel like having sex 24/7.
Don't have an affair, talk to him about how he feels, i guarantee he doesn't feel good about himself.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Have you thought about getting "professional" help for this problem? There are psychologists who actually specialise in sex therapy. I suggest you contact someone like this and initially discuss your concerns about openly discussing the "problems" with your husband....the therapist may have some strategies to help with this. If you can figure out how to handle getting the problem out in the open in a delicate, caring way - hopefully your husband will feel safe to discuss it and "work on things".
Maybe he would even be open to attending the therapist too?
Sex within a marriage is very important - on so many levels - and your frustrations are evidence that problems with it can lead to much broader marital disharmony. I think you are right to view this as an issue you should address asap.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Tell it like it is. Sex in a marriage is about pleasing the other person, not just to gain relief. It's a way of really becoming one and showing the other person how much they mean to you. Just jumping on and getting off is disrespectful. You don't want to leave either person wondering, what just happened.
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