A
male
age
36-40,
*edneck1
writes:So me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years. We have loved each other fully and we would do anything for each other. But recently we had a scare where my girlfriend thought I cheated on her and it scared her. She believes me that I didn't and we have gotten past this, but now she wants to take a break from our relationship because she feels she loves me but needs to know that she is truly in love with me and needs me in her life. We both agreed to take a break, and we both said that we love each other to death. She told me when we agreed on this that she can still see herself marrying me tommorow and growing old with me. Even today, the morning after we decided this, that she says she has not stopped loving me and that she still loves me with all her heart. I don't want to lose her, she says she still needs to see me and be together but needs to not be attached to someone for a little bit to figure out who she is and what she really wants in life. We even said today that we can see us still being together after all this but even more in love. But she seems to have that smidgen of doubt and that's what worries me the most. Do you think I've lost her or is it just a bump in the road that we will get through. Were both 21 and talk about buying a house, and getting married which is what I think caused this. She said she feels like shes in a rut and she hasn't done anything with her life. She says it isn't anything I have or haven't done its what she needs to figure out about herself. I'm so scared of losing her, she means everything to me and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for. Please someone tell me what they think of all this, and if you or someone you know has gone through something like this and came out still together stronger than ever.
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reader, redneck1 +, writes (14 March 2012):
redneck1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso Since me and my girlfriend are going through this and it seems like just after a few days of being apart we couldnt not talk to each other i thought of trying to really rekindle the spark by taking her to the place where we first met, and depending on when it happens and if it feels like the right time, im going to propose. She still says she would marry me tommorow and even tonite we told each other we love each other. I was thinking in like 2 weeks, the weekend after our 2 1/2 year anniversary, taking her to the casino where me and her first met, spend the whole day there, dinner, some gambling, going for a walk, a few drinks and at the end of the night before we head home, pop the question. Please tell me what you think everyone. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (12 March 2012):
 Don't feel like you shouldn't have responded because she made the first contact. That seems to mean that she is still needing the reassuring from you and you are giving so keep that up. If you would have left it, she may have got worried about you which would have stopped from thinking about anything else but you.
As for the proposal, I wish you all the luck with it I'm sure it'll go well. The fact that you're doing it the traditional way makes it more romantic and it should please everyone! Keep it up, good luck.
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A
male
reader, redneck1 +, writes (12 March 2012):
redneck1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you again, I went away for the weekend and me and her did what we said we were gonna do, not talk except to tell each other we got somewhere. I did so today to let her know i was on my way home, she sent me a smiley face and that was all i expected. I was overjoyed when she wanted to talk to me about my weekend. I kept the conversation somewhat short because she needs this break i feel. All i really did was reassure her that i still love her because she thought that i had already gotten over this, and tell her to call me if she needs me. pretty much the same things i told her the day we decided to have the official break but in much much shorter terms. I think she just needed to be reassured, as well as did i when she told me it was all she could do to not call or text me all weekend. I then told her to have a good rest of the week and that I will see her on friday like we planned. I didn't want to talk to much because she wanted this break and i want to respect what she needs and wants. After i said i will see her friday she said "i love you baby", just like she did before. I feel as though we have already gained some ground in a few short (but seemed like a year) days. She then texted me and said she will probly talk to be before friday, and i said im fine with that but i really want to let you have your time so you can figure out what u want to do. That is all we have talked. I know i probly shouldnt have responded to her at all, but When i know we will end up together again because we are meant to be its really hard not too. Btw im taking part of your advice and I plan on proposing to her when we are officially back together. Btw i dont know if i said this before but she gave me her fathers phone number so i can call him and ask his permission to marry her later on. That to me said she is still committed to this relationship. Thank you again everyone, you have made this so much easier, yet it is still the most painful thing i have ever had to go through, and i have had to put my own pets down, lost family members and have been physically hurt in sports and life, and i would take all that at once over having to see her cry again. Thank you all again, and like ive said before if you have more words of encouragement or just an opinion id still like to hear it.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ +, writes (10 March 2012):
It sounds just like a soap drama and I'm sure there will be a happy ending at the end of it. There are some things you just can't provide for a loved one and that's their security of where they're going in life.
Once she has reassessed her life and career goals she will be able to get back on track with everything and when she knows what she wants to do she knows you will be there to support her and that stability will motivate her further. You're doing the right thing, I wish you a very happy life with the girl of your dreams when she's back in your arms once more.
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male
reader, redneck1 +, writes (10 March 2012):
redneck1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso we are now officially on a break, the only time we are communicating is saying when we get home from school or work as we both drive quite a distance each way and at very busy times of the day. Other than that we are without contact. We met this morning and she made it so much more clear what this break was about. She was in the nursing program at her school and because of one class that didn't work out she got kicked out of the program which devastated her, a few weeks later she was getting ready to go study abroad for a few months and she was told a few days before that she owed them $8000 or she couldn't go, she was told that her tuition reimbursment would cover it but it didn't so she couldn't go. Now she is getting a sociology degree then going to another school for nursing. So all of this happening makes her feel like she has failed in life so far. I understand what she needs now, so were gonna take this week break, then see where were at and if she needs more time she can take it. I told her I know she is the one that I am meant to be with and she said she feels the same way, she would still marry me tommorow. She asked me what if it takes longer than a week, what if it takes a few months. I said it doesn't matter how long it takes, I love you and I'm willing to wait for you till your ready. When we went out to the car it was all we could do to not kiss each other and just start from where we were. We gave each other a big hug and I told her no matter what happens in our future you will never be a failure to me and I will always love you, I'm sure we will still be together after all this is over, there is no doubt in my mind. She said she feels the same way, she kissed me on the cheek, we said we love each other one last time because we knew it was going to be the last time for a little while, hugged one last time and we both went home. I still hurt more than any other pain I have ever felt because I so badly want to help her through all this, and talk to her and be with her and give her a thousand kisses, but I know I can't for now, but in the near future we will still be together and when we do decide to get back together I think I'm gonna pop the question. This break is not about us, its about her finding out who she is without my help, I know that now, and this is only going to make me love her more, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since this morning. I still miss her so much, but its only for a little while. A few months even is a short amount of time when your going to be together for the rest of your lives. Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. If you have anything you'd like to say like if I should or shouldn't have done anything tell me, or if it sounds like I'm right and we will be together forever please do, Id like to see what you all think. Thank you again
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reader, Uncle PJ +, writes (9 March 2012):
It's good that you're going to tell her that. But you mustn't be blunt about it. You must express it carefully and make sure you give her the reasons why. Tell her it's in her best interests and that you will definitely still be there at the end of the break, waiting with open arms.
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A
male
reader, redneck1 +, writes (9 March 2012):
redneck1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionactually she does both, she works and she goes to school. It takes a lot of her time but we always make sure to see each other on the weekend and a couple times in the morning for breakfast. We are meeting this morning for breakfast but I think im gonna tell her we need to have a couple days apart and really try this break thing. Any other advice is still appreciated because i still need help. Thank you again everyone.
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male
reader, Uncle PJ +, writes (8 March 2012):
I think she has reached the age where she needs to be doing something with her life. I think she's becoming a little scared that she is going to end up doing nothing with her life and it is slightly scaring her.I'm not sure you are really using the break very well. It may be better if you stopped contact just for a few days so that she can be herself and can think about what she wants.The constant reassuring to me sounds like a good thing. You clearly love each other to bits so I see no good reason as to why this should end. It must feel like a daunting thing seeing your girlfriend get a little cold footed but I think she's slightly insecure with herself right now.Is she working, or going through uni? Maybe she needs that challenge of getting her foot into the working world and having something to focus on to move her life forward. All you can do is fully support her in whatever she chooses to do. Assure her that you will by her side with everything she does and will be there for her if it doesn't go to plan.If it is viable, you could maybe even think about popping the question. You say that you would marry each other tomorrow if you could, if it's possible why not consider it.It's a tough thing to be going through but I'm sure you two will still be together and have a happy relationship. I wish you all the best of luck and many more happy years together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): i feel as though i can relate. my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has told me the same thing because i am going to college in september. i have called many breaks in the relationship to decide rather he is the one i want to spend my life with. i can say just about every girl in the world calls breaks threw out a relationship. its natural but can also be dangerous. this isnt anything to worry over. everyone needs to re-evaluate before making decisions like marriage and Liveing together. give her time and im sure she will decide that you are the one for her.
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