A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I need advice on this situation...Ok, my b/f and I were on a break for the whole month of February per his request as he needed to sort out his life. We did text each other through that month but nothing too exciting. Early March, he finally contacted telling me he missed me, wanted to see me and wanted to go out! I accepted! The date was cancelled as he was sick! Then i decided to go NC until he contacts me again which he did..He actually stopped by my job with a friend but since i was busy , i did not really get a chance to chat( he had to leave to go to work!) then later on that evening, he asked me to meet him at a bar which he was with that same friend. We chatted , he mentionned he had missed me a lot, asked me if i had been seeing anyone during the break, etc...Took him home we chatted, kissed even more( seems it was back to normal!) the next day , he was off but we ended up meeting again for drinks later..chatted, talked about feelings,asked me again about possible flings that i may have had during our break! When i returned the question, he said no but could tell he was not telling the truth ( really, it did not matter if he did or not since we were on break!) WHen we returned to his house , we talked more along with his roomate. My b/f put his roomate on the spot by asking him what he had said about me during the break! Supposedly, I was the one! He had missed me a lot, wanted to call me but did not what to say..........anyhow, we ended up sleeping together! and since then Nothing.....back to square one!(meaning back to when he started to withdraw a month earlier!) I could be naive but why would he contact me, ask me to meet him at a bar one night and then second night took me out! Why would he say all these sweet things to me when i did not even ask nor question his month of absence! I even talked to his mom that second night as she was asking about me!( I spoke with her several times before before the break!)What are his attention with me?? One day, he is all lovey dovey then the next ..nothing for days! Remind you now that he has a drinking problem! I never dealt with such a mixed signals sending person! Im really confused!??????I m not going to contact him until he does and then im gonna tell him how i really feel ! Is this a good idea? Like i said earlier, i did not ask for nothing, i dont feel like im needy in any way but as any women I want to feel appreciated which i am not right now! He is soooooo confusing! I dont even know for sure if he likes me or just using me when he is bored?? Then again, when we met at bar he had a friend with him so why would he follow through with the meeting if he did not care! That night, he was showering with compliments! I need help with this situation as im totally lost.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): He has an alcoholic addiction but I also suspect a sex one or attention/abandonment issues that he uses sex to abate these feelings.
Because once he gets sex from you- he pushes you away.
I'm thinking he was trying to start something with someone else and it didn't work out. So he came back around you.
Either way, I would not consider this man long term material UNTIL he gets into an addictions recover program to address THE ROOT of his addict behaviours and seeks counselling.
Otherwise you are foolish to expect him to govern himself in a Healthy, Accountable, HOnest Adult Manner.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 March 2012):
 WHY would he do these things? Because you allowed it. I’m sorry but BREAKS never work… either you are together or you are apart… “taking a break” is the nice way of saying “I want my life back but I’m too scared to go out and see what’s out there without YOU to fall back on if I don’t find anything”
I wouldn’t even tell him how you feel… it’s over. You take control now. Do not wait for him. When he tries again the next time he’s horny just be too busy to see him. It’s hard but it’s what you need to do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 March 2012):
 The confusion appears to come about because HE would like to have s*x with you WITHOUT the complications of a "real" relationship. YOU would like to have a "real" relationship... and would cheerfully include s*x in that relationship..... AND you've proved that you are interested in s*x by putting out for him.... even SHORT OF having that "real" relationship."
Sooooo, you've made it very easy for HIM to get what HE wants (s*x).... all the while not requiring him to offer you what YOU want...
He has no incentive to be any nicer to you UNTIL and UNLESS you make the relationship a condition of continuing having s*x...
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): Sounds like he just wanted sex. He contacted you, you met, you slept with him then he vanishes.
If you do hear from him again don't sleep with him. Just watch his actions, they mean alot more than words.
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