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female
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*hunky_monkey
writes: My boyfriend and I have just been through a rough patch. It seems as though he doesn't know how to bring up stuff with me thus being not so open. One thing after another new things have been bought up.I just found out that he has the ocassional smoke even after asking him indirectly about it. He is away at school and has been offerred smokes since then. He told me he didn't have one since before christmas break but didn't want to break it to me recently because we just got over a rough patch. He said he would of told me eventually. I flipped at him once again. I just feel as though trust was broken and that he lied to me. Now I feel so insecure while he is at school. I am on the edge of my seat everytime believing something will happen again even though he promised me. I am totally lost for ideas. I love him and we have plans to marry but i don't know how to deal with this. I am the one finding out these things by asking which is frustrating me because he isn't telling me. I also know that these arguements as a direct result of something he did while being" young and stupid" is wearing but of us out, right now I have so much emotional stress. He told me i would never wear him out to the point of him breaking it off but i am afraid. I don't know what to do to forgive and forget and not be so worried while he is at school.
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female
reader, chunky_monkey +, writes (2 April 2006):
chunky_monkey is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is that he did it to be social with one of his friends. We are in a long distance relationship and i only find out things if i am told. Every month for the past 3 he has told me more and more things he kept from me. I feel betrayed from his cigarrette use since he admit he had no reason to. He admits he screw up but now the thought of him smoking and kissing him afterward is bothering me, making me feel sick. I am having trouble forgetting and the trust isn't there as it was at the beginning of the school year. Help.
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (1 April 2006):
 Now when you say smokes, I'm guessing it's cigarettes. If that is the case, they can be difficult to quit. I've seen a lot of people try. You need to step back a second. You shouldn't "confront" him in a sense that you'd bite his head off.. If you want to stay with him and help him, you need to help him. Biting his head off about will not help. That's what happened when you flipped out on him.
You need to let him know that you are there to help him. He needs to be able to feel comfortable coming to you if he falls off the wagon. If he feels threatened I wouldn't expect him to come to you about it and may cause him to smoke more because of the stress.. Just take it easy with him and lead him the way to quiting.. Do not force him.
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A
female
reader, xXxBabymamaXxX +, writes (1 April 2006):
 I really don't think this is a boyfriend/girlfriend relantionship, its more of a mother and son, you being the mother, constantly worring, but your not the only one who feels like this, I was the same before, I believe smoking is disgusting, aving to kiss someone who does is unhealthy for you, I told him how I felt and he smoked behind my back, I was really annoyed, but you have to realise it is a habit,instead of nagging help him, show him stuff that will scare him, things that scienstists have proved about useage of drugs and smoke, also even consider going to see someone about this, love will make it work, tell him you care for him, and want whats beat for him and you, you ar e a vey caring person.. laura, 16, irish
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