A
female
age
41-50,
*ikNox
writes:I am a 26-year old female who has been with her boyfriend for nearly 3 years.We met through work and he is 11 years older than me. Although I love him very much I don't know whether he is the 'one'. We don't have a connection or 'spark' that people say they get when they meet the right person. I love him in the way that he protects, cares and looks after me in almost a 'fatherly' way but I don't think we have similar interests and desires for the future. He wants to settle down and have children, and I do want these things one day, but I am unsure as to whether they should be with him or not, and whether they should be now or in a few years' time when I feel like I am ready.I am find myself getting very broody though and don't know whether I should be thinking about having children now or just going out and enjoying myself. I know that I've got years ahead of me to plan for a family but for some reason, I've been getting these overwhelming urges to have a child now, even though I've just moved into my new flat that I've bought and should be concentrating on having fun.I have thought long and hard about all the implications involved and know that having a child involves a lot of hard work, financial and emotional commitment and responsibility. However, I'm a bit scared that if I wait ten years and find I am regretting now having it earlier, then I will be kicking myself.I suppose because of these doubts, there must be an answer which says 'Wait until I'm older and more stable/secure' but I'm kind of thinking, "maybe I shouldn't be fighting these urges?' I know there's a hell of a difference between having a baby and wanting one, but I just feel that my life is getting to the stage where I'd like to settle down a bit more. I'm so confused - help!
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (21 September 2007):
I think you should seriously cosider settling down now. Make two list one for and one against. The decide which reasons are mor important to your long term happiness. Then make your decision.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 September 2007):
 If you're confused about yourself, and what you want to do, the last thing you need right now is a baby to invite to join you in your turmoil.
Does the right one truly exist. You want to settle down, but you might want to play. I'll tell you, playing does not produce the right one, or help you find him. I have been studying relationships for going on 14 years now. I have come to a simple conclusion about the right one. It's not about the right person to hook up with, it's about the right you.
I really do believe the right one has to do with the people entering into a relationship. How happy are you. If you were single how happy would you be. I think the right one, just happening as people say, comes from two people, both equally happy not being with anyone, who get together to share the happiness with one another that they all ready possess. So many people get into relationships and for some reason, maybe not even thinking about it, do so to fill a void in their lives, or believing the relationship is meant to heal them in some way. It doesn't, people don't have the power to make us happy. It's like buying a new car, excited at the beginning, then we loose that excitement. When excitement leaves a relationship we trade in for a new model to get back the initial excitement we felt, until that one seems old too. That's filling a void and it's something you have to heal yourself because no one else can do it for you.
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