A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am I a bad person to want marriage and a secure futureMy bf lost his job 8 months ago and I've been supporting him emotionally and financally since then.We've been through so much. We fought, argued, he's pushed me away several times but I Still stayed.Lately im just tired of his situation. (Hes looking for a job) He didn't save up when he was working so I have to give him money for everything. (He has no family)Before he lost his job I was taking driving lessons but I stopped cause I had to support him with money meant for my driving.I've been thinking lately and I dont think I want this relationship anymore. I would've passed my driving and have bought my 1st car if it weren't for him.I feel like I'm ready to settle now and he won't be able to help me build us the future I want.Am I a bad person? I told him there s this young doctor who wants me and he said I can go. It was a joke.I don't even know if I love him:(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2014):
 Does he not even claim Jobseekers Allowance ? Which is not much, but he could at least feed himself. And you did not say if he started NOW looking for a job- or if he started right away and tried his best, and just had a long run of bad luck... or if he is waking up NOW to the harsh reality of his situation.
I feel it makes a difference. One thing is being unlucky, another a lazy moocher.
Then again, I am not sure that even if he finds a little something to keep himself afloat, that would be enough to change things.
You have certain goals, expectations and timelines, which he is not aligned with. You have standards which he is not up to. ( Plus... you are not even sure you love him ).
In these circumstances, he just does not fit with your life, both the one you have now and the one you'd want for yourself in future.
He is a dead weight. The albatross around your neck.
I think he needs to go.
No, that does not make you a bad person. You are not married nor blood related, it does not say anywhere that if he drowns ,you have to go under with him. Particularly when this would not even be justified by some overwhelming passion.
You may be, though, a person who needs to learn jow to make different choices and be coherent with your life plan.
You want to be married, get settled, a ( reasonably ) financially secure lifestyle, and a man that would never find himself in the necessity of becomimg dependent from you for his living.
Then, do not waste a second with lovable drifters ( no matter how lovable ), or simply with persons who, even for no fault of them, have to live hand to mouth .
Because that's NOT what you want in the long run, so why taking them on board even for the short term. It turns out, as you are seeing, into a waste of time and money, and an exercise in frustration and bitterness.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (29 August 2014):
 Why are you still with him? You're not his mom and its not your responsibility to take care of him and provide for him.
You've already given up a car when you could have bought one; staying with him and supporting him will mean gradually giving up on most of your dreams. Plus he's grumpy and irritable and having to deal with that must be taking its toll on you.
If you feel that you've done enough, there's no light at the end of the tunnel and that this guy cant give you the future that you want, then just leave. I would, to be honest, if I were in your place. There's only so much a person can take.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 I think ANY relationship can only sustain so much hardship before cracks show up.
8 MONTHS of him living of you? No financial help? No unemployment? Absolutely NO income from him? That is hard. Does he then take care of the house? cook, clean? whatever needs done? Or do you work, give him money and take care of him?
As for the joke with the doctor.. that is like kicking someone while he is down. I can see why he responded the way he did. He didn't find it funny at all...
If you feel you are done, then BE done and end it. If that means he needs to find a new place to stay and someone else to live off... then THAT is on him. I'd give him 2 weeks to be out though.
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