A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am seeing a wonderful man, he is full of compliments and hugs and makes me feel great. So, why am I so insecure? He has a LIFE! lol.. he goes and does and stays busy and I sit and worry and am so afraid this wonderful thing we have will end! I am told I am pretty by others and all that, so why am I so insecure? It is almost like nothing he does is enough for me. I don't dare say and I always tell him how wonderful he is, because he IS! When he is with me I am on cloud nine. Why can't I just enjoy it? I want to very much.I have had some really bad experiences with men, think maybe that doesn't help.How can I learn not to be afraid of "what if" and just enjoy this wonderful man?I did tell him how i felt one time and he was hurt that he didn't fulfill me. I felt awful. I have not "complained" again.Please help me ensure that my insecurities don't doom my relationship.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all.It is hard to push my emotions away or to realize that they may not be warranted at the time. Being busy helps alot.To the poster who mentioned the book on emotional rape, you are right. While I dont' consider myself a victim, stupid yes, victim no. I know what you are saying. At the time I felt powerless to stop the madness! I may over compensate now, to avoid any abuse, real or not. I wonder, is this behavior abusive? When, it may just be a teasing playful behavior. I want to be aware and never allow any bad behavior. At the same time, I must be tolerant and real and compromise.I realize that i may just need to relax and if something "bad" happens, it happens and that's that.I have a hard time "living in the moment" when insecurities surface. But, my motto, fake it till you make it, I think is a good one! Yes, smile at myself and just believe that all is great and you know what? It just may be! I laugh at myself, it's good medicine.THank you all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): hi
I like your attitude, it is on the right track. You know, we women tend to live vicariously, and that is the root of the problem. My boyfriend is an entrepreneur and he is currently so involved in his work that we hardly ever talk. I used to feel wretched without him, and wondered about all sorts of stupid things. But not anymore! Now I have decided that every time I feel bad about me, I'll do something challenging! It totally invigorates me, helps me make new friends, share ideas and surprises my boyfriend and makes him respect me.
(I am currently learning to draw, and write poetry!).
Try to fill your life, okay! And smile at your image. When you see yourself with all your fears, insecurities and paranoia, and yet you smile back at the image... That is when you feel the happiness seep into your soul.
P.S. Sharing my thoughts with you all has made me feel happy and connected with the cosmic core. SO thank you very much!!!
GO, take on the world girl, and take one day at a time!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your responses.
Yes, i have been trying to do more, it's hard to do, but I am trying. I have been trying to be more aware of my negative thoughts. You are so right. I find it hard to believe i am all that great, but if I look at things rationally, I find I am really a good catch. I know I have to believe this, but it is hard sometimes.
I will definitely try harder to "get out there".
He lives far away at the moment, so that makes connecting harder. We spend some really fun times together and it just makes going home harder! Why can't I just carry that happiness with me when he is gone?
I spent some time today telling myself to enjoy this man who is so kind to me. This is something I have never had and I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He really is amazing!!!
Thank you so much for your kindness, wise words and encouragement. I hope you all have a great evening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Hi
You know, I read this great article that talked of Emotional Rape. You see, when we let men that mentally abuse us, continue to do so for a period of time, we let them rape our minds and emotions. We settle for lesser than we deserve and believe it to be our due. You seem to have some extra baggage that you need to shed. Okay, so he has a life. What about you??? What do you do? Any jobs, friends, hobbies??? None?? Well get one. Enroll in one of those classes, like floral arrangements, or tap dancing, some craft or even belly-dancing!!! You need to look at yourself in a new light. Enrolling in something that you love will let you have fun, learn and help you make friends. Also, when we acquire a new skill, our confidence level goes up!!! AND you NEED a shot of confidence.
You know, whenever I question myself and my deservingness, I go out and get a brand new hairstyle! It helps me see myself in a new light.
You should try to bring more fun in YOUR life. Go out, get some work, occupy your mind. You know an empty mind is a devil's workshop!!
Lay all those past ghosts to rest. Let go of all these doubts. When you keep busy, you will naturally have too little time to think such rubbish thoughts. So, learn to see yourself through his eyes. AND if you don't do so soon, well... no man likes an insecure woman (i'm sure neither do you); while confidence in a woman is a big turn on. GO ahead ,add some zing in your life and have fun!!!
Love (tell me how it worked out for you)
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female
reader, boo22  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Hi there. Hope you're ok. Firstly i'd say that looks has nothing to do with anything.. Even Halle Berry has been cheated on. Second, my feeling is you put more eggs in the relationship basket than he does. You say hes got a life, well make him a little less down the priorty ladder than he is now and you'll feel alot better.When you've had a bad time with men in the past its obvious you'll be in a cycle of negative thinking where men are concerned. Try to change each thought thats negative about this into a positive when you catch yourself doing this, cos sometimes you don't even realise you're doing it i bet.Try to unlearn your learnt behaviour with guys and you'll feel much better. good luck
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 You said it in your question:
"He has a LIFE! lol.. he goes and does and stays busy and I sit and worry and am so afraid this wonderful thing we have will end!"
Go out and do things! Make your life enriched! Enjoy your friends and hobbies. Be too busy and fulfilled that you don't have time to worry about what may or may not come.
In doing so, you will also become more fascinating to him and you'll have more to talk about.
You deserve to have a FULL life. Having a fabulous boyrfriend may be a large part of it, but it isn't the ONLY aspect of happiness. Have fabulous friends and hobbies, too.
Good Luck!
;-)
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 The one thing that comes to mind is that if he has a life, then why isn't he sharing it with you? Why aren't you out there with him enjoying it rather than sitting at home fretting that its going to end?
If he does things and stays busy, isn't there something the two of you can do together? I mean one of the best things you can do is share experiences and moments outside of just a date or two.
It seems there's something missing here and the fulfillment that you're talking about seems to be something in his life that you're not sharing with him.
I could be dead wrong on this one, but I thought the days when men went out on the greens with men went out with Queen Victoria's England. I'm saying that as an example because couples often find things that they enjoy doing and when they do it together, it creates a passion that they share which enriches their love life.
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