A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi people googling for answers that can't be answered.I love my boyfriend. We've been together for a few months now. I feel very happy happy with him. But I have always been depressed and have always repressed it and ignored my illness until him. He made me want to get better and I told him the truth. About my gloomy self. He has been very supportive and helped me a lot by being there at doctor's appointments and so on. It has been tough on both of us. But for the first time of my life I can see myself going somewhere.He have had a few very destructive episodes lately, me being upset , tired, not willing to socialize with his family or friends... And him being angry at me for being that way even though he knows I can't help it. He has a history of darkness himself he got out of and and seems very stable and clear headed now, well until me. THese past few weeks he s been getting angry at me a lot when I ve not been well.I cant understand where this comes from because he s asked me to open up to him and I have, I say I love him but I also tell when I'm not well. He gets mad at me with stupid things and breaks down and doesnt talk to me for days. I know he loves me. I am not scared of losing him but I am scared he's freaking out because he thinks he will get ill again if he hangs on to me , his prison of gloom .Any advice?
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female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (26 September 2008):
 Yup. You need to work on you, hard! This guy got out of something difficult and maybe that is why he "gets" you. However, as you can imagine, recovering alcoholics can not have an active alcoholic as his/her partner; he would definitely go back to drinking.
He is trying. Being with someone who has depressive break downs is not easy. Is not easy to understand that someone does not have the energy to go out or smile or have fun. But it feels even worse if he feels you are not doing EVERYTHING you can to deal with your issue. Although it is difficult to deal with depression, there are medications and behavior reprogramming programs that deal with specific tasks you need to do, whether you feel like it or not. This is a strong and maybe difficult approach, but you really need to deal with this, not only because of your relationship, but for yourself.
One more thing. He loves you... but... in the end, it is a question of whether he loves you or himself more. If his mind is clear, he needs to keep it that way and someday, if you don't do your best, he might feel he can not help you. If he can't help you, the whole relationship thing needs to be reconsidered. You seem like an intelligent girl... move from were you are, move from your comfort zone!
Good luck!
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