A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am really not sure if this guy likes me or not as I am getting really mixed signals. We were best friends for about 4 years + we really close and then we both had relationships with other people for about 2 years and we drifted, but then we became really close again when we spit up with the people we had been with. one night when we were drunk about 1 month after my relationship had finished, we ended up sleeping together, and now it has carried on happening for 9 months that we are together every weekend. a while ago i told him i had fallen for him as i knew i really liked him a lot more than friends. he said it was too soon after his girlfriend (she hurt him very badly), he was still really hurt, and he just didn't want anything serious, and maybe i was just on the rebound. We keep on sleeping together, and now it has effected our friendship, as we don't seem to get on as well as we did before cos it is awkward when we see each other sometimes, and i get mad at him for just using me. he still doesn't seem to want to have a relationship with me, just sex. all my friends say is is being really nasty to me doing this to me. but i thought he wudn't just treat me like that and just be after sex because he cared more about my feelings than that, but now im not sure. can i guy really just sleep with someone over and over again and not have feelings for me apart from just wanting sex? im so confused. everytime i go out he always asks me if i pulled anyone, and he is always there for me if things happen, like i got locked out of my house one night after i had been out and he came and picked me up and let me stay at his, also one night when i fell out with one of my friends he stuck up for me. I also go round to his house and get on really well with his family...if i ask him how he feels he just wants to be friends he says. i've told him i don't want to sleep with him anymore cos i feel more for him than that, and he just doesn't seem bothered. so maybe he doesn't feel anything.
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male
reader, nologo  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 No, I don't think that he doesn't feel anything.
You get mixed signals as his feelings are mixed.
Many people would say that you are "friends with benefits".
This will be my time to disagree: you are using each other.
He is using you sexually and you are using him emotionally.
"if i ask him how he feels he just wants to be friends"
"don't want to sleep with him anymore cos i feel more"
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Yes, I'd say you definintely were just a rebound to him. Thats not to say he doesnt treat you as a good friend, because I think he does. But once you start offering sex on a no strings attached basis with someone close, thats the sort of thing to expect. When you cross friendship boundaries, there usually is no turning back.
As much as I hate seeing you hurt, I think to come to terms with the fact that he's not fallen in love with you the way you do him would be the best way out of this. I suggest you not continue sleeping with him. It will be extremely hard for the both of you to carry on the friendship the way it used to be, perhaps leaving each other alone would be the best thing to do for now. Give each other some time to be apart, and see other people. That would hopefully bring things back to 'normal' after a while. I wish you all the best.
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