A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Soon after me and my ex boyfriend broke up he got together with a girl he knew. I removed myself from the picture as he had been rude and disrespectful towards me throughout the 1 year relationship and I guess he had her ready for when he broke up with me. A few months passed and he came back apologising for his actions saying it was a major mistake he made, he continues to apologise. I have met up with him a few times, he seems unhappy when spending time with me even though it was him who suggested meeting. He is young and says he has made mistakes but I believe he set out to hurt and undermine me. I want to forgive and forget but I need to answer one question first, How do I decide if 'He genuinely made a mistake' or that 'He did not care about me'.
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male
reader, Uncle_J +, writes (29 May 2007):
Yes!!! I am NORMAL AFTERALL!!!!I've been on your boyfriends side of this. Done the same thing. Treated her like crap and we broke up after near a year of it, went on to somebody else I had waiting and decided I wanted my girlfriend back when I realized that my feelings weren't as strong for the new girl. When I got back, I treated my GF like crap again but in a different way this time. I started to realize that the relationship wasn't all that I made it up to be in my head during the down time and I started pulling away again, using her as a buffer to find somebody else.If this sounds familier then you have some long work ahead of you and things are going to have to go perfectly for you two to work out. Conversation is key in a situaiton like this. My GF and I both loved each other greatly but couldn't get past certain hard feelings towards each other. We made an agreement to wait it out and give it the time needed to let the scars heal. We stood by it and are getting married in August. It took some time and lots of good new memories to make it work and to get us to where we're at now but we put love first deciding love isn't disposable, the way it's supposed to be.Good luck!
A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 Look, you should not decide in this situation.
First HE should decide what he wants in life.
Speaking about him: this story shows his pattern of behavior.
It's like "I can do anything as I'm allowed to make mistakes".
And now speaking about you: "I want to forgive and forget".
Should be merciful and compassionate to those who love you.
"rude and disrespectful towards me" - he does NOT love you.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (29 May 2007):
 As far as you're concerned, he didn't make any mistake. You guys were broken up, which means that you were both single, which means that you both had the right to see other people. He shouldn't have to apologize. Voice your concerns, and ask him why he seems so unhappy.
DV1
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl  +, writes (29 May 2007):
 What about your feelings towards him? If you still love him then I guess you could try giving him a bit of a chance - but don't give in too easily - but if you think you'd be happier with someone else then I recommend you forget about him. Show him you're stronger than him and you don't need him to survive.
If he used to be disrepectful as you said, you have to think that if you did get back together, would it be the same or would things be better? It doesn't sound like you make each other particularly happy, and isn't that the point of a relationship?
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