A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am sitting here in tears as I type this....my so called 'partner' has given me no time at all this Christmas and the final blow...he has just told me he is apparently going round to his mums tonight instead of spending it with me the way he usually does!Christmas day he was there all day, Christmas eve he was at the pub with them all, boxing day he spent with his kids. this has been the only time ive had off work and he has just left me to it the whole time.I feel so angry and tired right now, im actually ready to end this so called relationship. He just takes me for granted constantly and this has just about topped it for me.I need to vent somewere, hoping someone can make me feel better because tonight I am spending alone just like I have done all Christmas!also before anyone says, I don't get on with his family so I am never invited. my own family have all got there own things going on so I never see any of them either. I just feelso alone and fed up with him right now!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (1 January 2014):
 I think your "partner" doesn't sound like much of a "partner," at all.... IF'n he's so averse to spending time with you... then I suggest that you get him a cat... (which can readily endure being left for long periods of time by itself!).... then take your leave from him and get a REAL "partner"....
You'll be pleasantly surprised to learn that MOST "partners" look forward to spending LOTS of time with their "partner"..... Hope you find one of those!
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Lieutenant +, writes (1 January 2014):
Doesn't he spend the rest of the year with you? I'm sure you feel horrible, but if he decides to spend 3 or 4 days of the year with his family that he probably doesn't see most of the year, it shouldn't really bug you much as long as he spends time with you. More importantly, if you want any type of healthy future relationship with this man, it's time to start mending fences with his family because family is forever; they're not going anywhere. You would feel much better now if you settled whatever quarrel you have with them and you were able to spend the holidays with you bf and his family.It's a terrible idea to ask him to choose spending the holidays with you or his children; don't even think about it because no good parent would choose a gf over their children. That's something people have to deal with when dating others with children. If he's been a stellar bf since you've been together and this Christmas and New years issue is the only big problem that you've had with him (and probably anytime he spends with his family and you're not invited); I think you should sort out the problem with his family. If you're going to be a part of his life, his family should become like your family.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 January 2014):
 Be happy he spent time with his children over the Christmas period, kids need to know their parents care about them and want to spend time with them.
As for Christmas Day ..... well Christmas is for families, next time ask him if you can accompany him when he goes to visit his family for a big family orientated day like Christmas, he can only say no. Maybe its time for somebody to make the first move when it comes to mending whatever bridges are down between you and his family. Why shouldn't that person be you?
And I know all about families that drift apart, maybe its time somebody made the first move there as well, and why shouldn't that person be you.
New year is a little different, he could have made arrangements to do something with you, even if it was to watch fireworks somewhere.
Take a moment to consider if there is a compromise you can make with him for special occasions, sit down with him and get some conversation happening about each other's expectations at times like Christmas, New Year and birthdays. Make that your starting point, if this pattern of behaviour ON BOTH PARTS has been set over several years you wont be able to undo it in a couple of weeks. Both of you are going to have to be able to see the other's point of view, and understand it, even if you don't agree with it.
But if you feel you are not being considered and just taken for granted, forget the above, and pack up your bags and walk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): I've been in similar situations with my ex partner.The answers to you so far are oddly unkind towards you, I think - very willing to blame you, without knowing much at all about what's been going on. as it stands, you give very little information about your relationship and how it came to be this way, so it's hard to say much to help you, but I don't think you deserve to be judged negatively at all.But from the little that you say, it does seem that you have gotten into a situation with your partner where either he or you or both of you end up isolating you from other people and this has become 'normal' between the two of you. This is dangerous if it continues. I don't know the exact reasons for this, but I do know that if your self esteem is low then you will keep allowing this to happen. The longer it goes on the harder it will be for you to reach out to others and develop far healthier relationships. No loving partner would leave their loved one alone over Xmas or New Year's - I don't know if you gave him some kind of ultimatum because you were tired of his behaviour or if you simply refused to go or if he even invited you...there's just not enough information. But it seems that you had no other options, no other choices and that, in itself, is a potentially very dangerous position. If you are finding it hard to get on with your family - why are they all too busy to see you? - and with his and with him, then it may be that you need to see a counsellor to see if there is some other, deeper issue that will stop you from engaging with people generally, not just with these people. On the other hand, if your boyfriend is just a horrible man who doesn't mind leaving you alone, then leave.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 December 2013):
I'm not saying whether he did the right thing or not, but either way you should be able to depend on more than just him to keep you entertained during the holidays.
It's probably not his fault that you aren't close to your own family or his. Some people just find it a good opportunity to hang out with friends and family that they haven't seen in awhile and he sees you all the time, holidays aside.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2013): You are in self-imposed isolation. You don't get on with his family, and you aren't close to yours. You are too dependent on him to keep you company and entertained.
You can resolve a lot of your loneliness by just warming up to his family and kids, if only for the holidays.
I don't believe you're ending the relationship; because you're too emotionally attached, and you don't have any other support system in your life.
He is spreading joy an cheer. You're moping about because none of what he's doing suits you. You want to keep him all to yourself during a family-oriented holiday. Seriously!?
Come out of your shell. Warm up to people. Why don't you get on with his family? Maybe your New Year's resolution should be getting closer to your family, and trying to build a bridge with his. Offer to come along as a gesture of goodwill, and reaching out to his family. Maybe someone on their side will reach back. It happens.
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. I hope you'll at least give your family a few hours out of New Year's Day. They might make you feel better.
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