A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a guy for 4yrs and I'm afraid that I will lose him if he ever finds that i have slept with another guy who have know for about 3days.what can I do to prevent this from happening Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LouCypher  +, writes (17 January 2014):
Nothing, you chose to have sex with him, now decide if you wanna confess, leave or lie. Not a lot of options, but that's pretty much it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): There is no way to prevent this from happening. Two ways this goes down:1. You tell him you cheated on him and he feels betrayed.2. You keep this secret from him and go on like nothing happened. Eventually he finds out that you cheated on him; feels betrayed that you did; and feels even more betrayed that you lied to him (lie of omission). Then he wonders what other secrets you've been keeping from him.Hind sight is a wonderful thing, but forethought is even better. The choices we make have consequences; both good and bad. Having the forethought to make the right decisions is what maturity is. Something which you seem to lack.The question you should be asking yourself is why you went through with cheating on your boyfriend if you would be so worried about losing him after. The hard part is giving yourself the honest answer to that.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 January 2014):
 Why did you do it? Maybe your relationship with your BF is already over, and you should break up. Why couldn't you come here for help BEFORE you slept with him and wrote a question saying "I'm afraid I'll lose my BF of 4 years if I sleep with someone else. How do I prevent it?".
It's too late. The only way to prevent him from knowing is if you break up with your BF now and set him free. Chances are he'll find out anyways, but you'll be single.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): You deserve to lose him if you cheated, I hope you have learned a lesson, if he finds out you might get dumped, sorry but you deserve it.
Cheating is a deal breaker, if you had problems in your r/ship you should have talked to him.
Ask yourself if he cheated on you would you still want him? would you still trust him? would you really? how can he ever trust you again? "sorry" isn't enough, you have to prove you are worthy of his trust.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2013): After-thought is a killer isn't it? Sorry after the fact.
Surely he was just as much your boyfriend before you cheated, as he is now? He may not be much longer.
You are far too concerned now; when you're about to face the consequences. When you had the time to opt out, before you did the deed.
I guess you have to come clean and face whatever happens.
You can pretend it never happened, and live full of guilt.
You'd be better off by confessing the truth.
It will create a horrible drama; but half the magnitude it would, if he has to find out from anybody else. And he will.
He will no longer trust you. So even if he claims he can forgive you; don't expect trust to return easily, if at all.
It all depends on his sense of security; and how much he loves you. His first reaction would be to leave you. So you had better prepare to go through the full range of emotions associated with a breakup. It will be horrendous and extremely painful. Even more so for him.
What would you want him to do, if he cheated on you? Would you just forgive and forget? You'd rather hear his confession than from someone else. Discovery through a third party is awful. It's a hard blow to the gut. The heart feels like it's being melted in acid.
What would you do, if the situation was reversed? Could you forgive him and trust him soon after?
I would bring along a male family member as a buffer and moderator. It would avert any potential violent reaction, and you can be immediately and safely removed from the scene, if it gets out of hand. Reactions to these things from men are too unpredictable. They are potentially explosive.
You will definitely have to remove yourself until things cool down.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (31 December 2013):
 Why did you do it if you are so worried about losing him? People seem to forget that their actions have consequences. You don't get to have your cake and eat it, too.
You need to tell him. What you did is already done and irreversible. Let him decide if he still wants to stay with you and forgive you.
Let me ask you. Have you stopped speaking to this other guy?
...............................
|
