A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid My situation is probably fairly commonplace. I was with a girl from Spain for nearly 4 years. We met in boston, at the New England conservatory of Music (we're both musicians). About a year and a half ago we broke up. The circumstances were a bit strange. For example, I won an audition in Spain, playing in an orchestra, though at the time I was doing a masters at Indiana university. About 4 months or so, after the audition, she fell in love with another guy. A year and a half later I'm living in Spain alone, and she is content in her new life with this other guy. Its true that our relationship was rocky. The physical aspect of our relationship was phenomenal, but our communication lacked alot. Our arguments would go in circles for hours.Not to mention, the thought of spending my entire life in Spain, didn't really appeal to me. Now I'm on my own, and I feel as if I'll stay that way eternally. I have an audition in Amsterdam in Febuary, which I'm working with all my might to get. Though I'm more or less over the relationship, its difficult for me to be here, in her world. Not to mention that occasionally i'm obliged to work with either her, her boyfriend, or her brother, as they all, have at some point, substituted in the orchestra i'm playing in. Ultimately what i'm saying is: Im 31 years old, I'm pretty good looking guy, I have a nice job, and an interesting life. Why can't Imeet anybody special? I've been in one longterm relationship after another, and moved from one city to the next for the last 12 years.Its really getting to me. Is there hope? Can I meet my soulmateThere are truly moments when I feel i will be lonely for the rest of my life! Today, unlike a few years back, I can honestly say, I want my own family, kids, a dog, the picket fence...the whole deal. Yet it seemslike such a distant dream....
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broke up, fell in love, soulmate, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys Thanks!
(Sorry in advance about any spelling errors, Ive been away from the states so long, I´ve forgotten how to spell.) In answer to the first response: Well, I say I´m over it...but its still difficult for me. The best advice I can give you about getting over her, is basically this- use this opportunity, this suffering, to become a better person. I read somewhere (I forget where), the suffering is the language of God. Meaning: we can live totally static lives, and never grow,never progress. Its only when we feel pain, and uncertainty that we come to greater realizations about this existance. I understand through the pain of my loss, what truly is important.
Also: Excercise is a tremendous aid, with the lonliness and depression.
Lastly- Learn, study, find something completely different from what you do for a living. An activity of some sort.
To the second person: Youre right, I´m a bit of a ¨romantic¨ which, in the wrong dosage can be bad for the health. The truth is,I do believe in destiny of sorts.
and finally to the last person:
I totally relate to the fact that its difficult to cope with the situation of an x lover with someone else..and in love!!! But in the end...You have to forgive them for the pain they have given you. My therapist in the states once told me, holding on is difficult, letting go is easy. She was right! Its difficult for me, when I see her happy, while with me she was alway insecure and anxious. Learn what you can from the past, and make your future relationship work. Thats what I plan to do. Also,
I was thinking, as I was doing some errands earlier, perhaps I´ve learnt to cherish love more dearly rather than treat it as second to my ¨career¨. Be happy for him or her, and make the next time work. Good luck to you all!
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (4 January 2008):
There i was thinking i'm being childish about my girl breaking up with me.It seems love's got da same effect no matter the age.The 1st step was getting over her and you've done that.2nd will be patience and you are still learning that.3rd will be opening up your heart to someone else which you are not ready for.Give yourself sometime and things will fall into place.Atleast you are past the 1st stage,i'm not.
Take care and Good luck.
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A
female
reader, MeowMix86  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 One of the hardest parts about seeking love is you have words like "soul mate" and "destiny" floating around. What do these words truly mean? You find someone you are compatible with within a 5 mile radius and she is your soul mate? Yeah...thanks entertainment industry for giving false expectations about love.
Your ambition about love and a future of settling down is very genuine and completely refreshing. You are a very admirable person for knowing what you want and pursing it. I say don't give up. You WILL MEET your future and you will not be alone the rest of your life! Its a natural fear that I think any descent human being has felt before. But chances are, no matter where you are in the world (especially being a musician,that is so attractive!) you are going to meet women.
Until then, try not to be so anxious. The time will come when the time is right. Maybe the best thing to do would be to focus on your career and stop looking so hard. After all, they say you meet possible lovers when you least expect it. I met every relationship I ever had when I wasn't even looking!
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A
female
reader, Sparkly_Stars  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Hiya! I really feel for you, because to be honest I am in the same situation! It is really tough to watch someone you loved be happy and in love with someone else when you feel lonely yourself. But, from the sounds of it, the situation didnt really sound good for you anyway, and if you had ended up with her it sounds like you would have been miserable. I have learnt from experience that the more you look for someone special, the more it doesnt happen! It sounds like a cliche, but it really does happen when you least expect it... You will definitely find your soulmate one day.. you sound like a genuinely nice guy, and being attractive helps too :o) Good luck x x x
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