A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I'm 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend acts as if nothing has changed. I mean, we're still together I guess, and he stays at my apartment usually but lately..it's as if everything else is more important to him. I''ve always had a perfect body [ not bragging or anything, I've just always stayed in shape] and I found my first stretch marks last night on my butt and it really upset me. He always calls me fat but in a joking way and I call him fat too..we play around like that but lately me being so emotional about the way I look - it really hurts my feelings and if I start crying and tell him he just acts like I'm making a big deal out of nothing.I feel so unattractive, and I feel like he's out looking for other women and not even acting like I exist and his son is going to be here soon and I would like him to be a part of the pregnancy but it seems like it's not real to him until the child is born. Its not fair to me that he can go out and live his life exactly the same as before I got pregnant when I do absolutely nothing. It bothers me so much, I wish he would ask me how I'm feeling which he hasn't done ONCE the whole pregnancy. I don't know what to do! I want it to work between us but I feel like he doesn't care anymore. Is it just me being pregnant and emotional?????????
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Most of us go to one extreme or another when our wife/partner/girlfriend is pregnant. Either we get as stressed, panicky and emotional as she is, or we act as though there was nothing out of the ordinary happening.
I suppose you could be grateful that he's not the stressy panicky type. Both of you being emotional over everything is an absolute nightmare - and I've been there with our first child.
Anyway, that probably doesn't help you much. You want reassurance and love right now. Try to involve him in what's going on. Make him part of it. When it comes to buying all the bits and pieces you are going to need when the baby is born, ask his opinion. Show him pictures, articles, all the things you've probably looked at yourself and/or already started buying. Discuss the birth with him - and, even more importantly, start talking about the longer-term future, like when your child goes to school. Make it real to him.
If your baby is "kicking" when he's around, then let him feel it. THAT, for me, was one of the most amazing experiences - to feel that little new life inside my partner. You're experiencing it all the time, of course, but he isn't. If you can create that connection between him and the baby right now before that moment he holds it in his arms, you'll probably find that his whole attitude changes.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Everything will pass.
He may have his own worries and he may just not know how to
handle your situation or relate to your pregnancy.
Him being there with you is expressive of his love for you ,
even though he may not have expressed it verbally to you.
It is just your perceptions only.
Most men are just being stoic.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Hello sweetheart
Well yes a lot of us feel very unattractive when we are pregnant and our emotions are all over the place as our hormones are raging during pregnancy.
He has probably spoken to some other guy who has said all women are so emotional during pregnancy so don't get worried about it. That guy has a lot to answer for.
Most men cannot truly understand what a woman goes through during pregnancy and I think there is a certain amount of jealousy as well as you are focused on this little person growing inside of you and they cannot relate to that. The man often feels left out as he is no longer important.
However, having said all of that it does seem as though he is more involved with himself than getting involved with you and the pregnancy. It may not be real to him until the baby arrives and he is actually holding him in his arms, that is a complete reality check at that time.
Do you have any support from your family or friends at all?
Seems to me like you seem to be going through this very alone and that just isn't fair.
Pregnancy should be a joyous occasion and even if it was unplanned he should be getting prepared for when the baby arrives as this can happen before 9 months i.e. 8 and a half months or can go over by up to 2 weeks.
Have you got things for when the baby arrives, do you have practical things like a cot and clothes and a car seat if you have a car and also a pushchair or something that is a combined thing so that it has a car seat in with maybe a full pushchair and you can lift off the pushchair and just have the carseat on a frame or something similar.
If he isn't being practical then you need to be and if you cannot buy everything new then you can always look into ways of buying things second hand as a lot of parents look after their things after a child grows out of them. Check out Ebay or your local paper and I believe a site which offers free items everywhere in the world is Freecycle.org I think it is international and everything has to be Free on it as it is a way of people getting rid of things and offering them to others.
Get people around you involved who are excited about this baby coming into the world and have a good talk with your bf about how you are feeling and even if you do have a cry ask him if he is going to be there for you and support you properly as it hasn't felt like that at all during this pregnancy and you are getting scared and feel very vunerable right now. If he sees how much this is worrying you maybe he may just start to get his act together.
Here anytime for you OK. You are not on your own as we are all here to help at any time OK.
Stay strong and smile sweetheart you are going to have a beautiful baby born very soon to hold in your arms and love and who will love you no matter what - that is what a baby gives to you and receives from you.
Big hug from me to you and everything will be fine just you wait and see OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Hello mummy to be, Congratulations!!Pregnancy/hormones can make you alot more emotional than usual, that's for sure...but I don't think that's all that is going on here. It is really normal to feel scared about all that's happening when you're pregnant....it is an amazing experience but at the same time your whole body is affected, and changed by this baby. That alone is alot for some women to take in....the Angelina Jolie's who look magnificent with their big bellies and designer maternity wear don;t give the 'complete picture'....the stretch marks, swollen ankles, pimples, heartburn, not being able to get in and out of the car without doing a 'fifty point manouvere'....it can all come as an unpleasant shock!!! Then there's the fear about your life after baby arrives...it will be so very different...on one hand you're excited and want that baby so much...but what if you're no good at this mummy business? How will it be when you can't work full time, or can't get to the gym as much, or can't go out to dinner with your man like you did before...without thinking about a little boy who depends on you!!?? What if your man thinks you'll never be the same sexy woman he fell for again? It does feel like nothing changes really for the guy...they still go to work, can go out with mates without having to breastfeed every three hours...can drink, whatever really!! Is that the kind of stuff going through your head??? All this is bound to effect your emotions and confidence.....add the crazy hormones and boom...it's a bit of a nightmare!As well, the arrival of this bub is getting closer and closer, and maybe it only recently dawned on you that you can't get out of "labour" now even if you want to change your mind (it's really not that bad!)....it's a very full on time for you!!!! Basically what I am saying is that it is NORMAL to feel overwhelmed and scared about the future, angry with your man, lonely, crazy...as well as excited, delighted and amazed!!!! The stuff with your BF...that's a bit strange, I don;t know why he isn't being as supportive as you would like. Do you think he understands the emotional turmoil you're experiencing? Have you expressed your fears and anxieties to him? Maybe he thinks you're on top of the world about it 100% of the time?? He may also be experiencing his own set of anxieties...I know my man was super excited to be a dad but when I actually got pregnant he got all stressed out about how he was going to be "the breadwinner" and provide for us...and started to worry about what having a baby around would actually be like...he'd never even held a newborn before!!!Why don't you book a beautiful hotel for a night or w/end - to pamper yourselves and be together...sit in the spa with some sparkling apple juice (he he he) and talk to each other....it certainly can't hurt!!I have just been wrestled by my 14 month old son...who has giggled his head off while jumping on my back...one thing I know for sure - your life WILL change once your son arrives but you won't want to go back for a moment!! Both my man and I say EVERY SINGLE DAY how wonderful being parents is and how much we adore this baby boy....just wait til you hold him, all your fears and doubts and worries will vanish I promise! And....you will be more beautiful than ever....best wishes to you and your little one!
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