A
female
age
36-40,
*carlettxx
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for sixth months now and at the start it was great, we went out and had fun and I really enjoyed being with him. Completely thought 'this is great, I'm falling in love' and unfortunately that's not the thought that I have now.He has a reputation of being a bit loud and crazy, he says completely inappropriate things and acts like a five year old around people and that REALLY bothers me because I feel I'm too mature for him even though he's four years older than me. When we're together though he's really serious and mature and I just feel like I can't reach a happy medium with him.One of the things that bothers me most is the fact that he puts me down about my body and constantly talks about other women. Just tonight he sent me a text about Kate Beckinsale and it was a disgusting, derogatory message that I'm so angry about. I just didn't bother replying, it's just too late in the night to start an argument.He doesn't take care of his physical appearance too much either, sometimes I'll point some things out in a nice way and he'll be moody and angry with me but of course he's free to put me down as much as he likes.The real problem though lies with me, I feel like to really be free from this I have to break up with him. But I just can't. He's very very volatile. I feel if I do break up he'll do something crazy and I'm scared of his reaction, not for me but for himself. Part of me loves him and part of me doesn't. I've had A LOT of bad break up's and a bit of me is scared of the emotions I'll feel if we break up.I feel like I'm wasting my time but another part of me wants to keep giving him a chance. I'm a strong girl in other aspects of my life but I wilt when it comes to relationships. I'm only 19 and I feel like I should be out enjoying myself but part of me wants to enjoy myself with him.We've had endless talks where we've nearly broken up, where we talked about our problems that we have with each other etc. So we are honest with each other. But I just don't know anymore.Am I really wasting my time? and what can I do?
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Yes, you are wasting your time.There are two parts to a workable relationship.The first is the desire, the lust, and that's the bit that usually gives you the strong emotions particularly in the beginnings of a new relationship and if/when you break up. It's not just a physical thing. It's emotional too.The second is the attraction of what that person is, how they behave, and what they do. It's the part that says "this is the sort of person I can live with", and although it most certainly doesn't mean you have to like everything about them, it does mean that at the very least you have to be able to tolerate all their characteristics, quirks and foibles.Both those parts together are needed for love, lasting love. If one or other is missing and can't be corrected, then sooner or later the relationship will fail.It sounds to me as though you feel the first part but not the second, and that you are never going to find that essential second part with him. It's time to work out how best to move on.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Relationship is like a plant.
You need to water it and nurture it.
If you don't nurture it , it will wilt and die.
The problem is whether this plant is important in your life?
If it is not important anymore to you,
you can simply walk away and let some other nurture it or let it wilt and die.
...............................
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