A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Let me start this off by saying I'm in a committed, strong, emotion-based relationship with a guy I really like. That being said, my boyfriend and I have differing tastes in the bedroom.I like a little biting a roughness (nothing crazy, by any means, just a little kinky) and he likes everything soft. He also only likes me on top, and I would really like him to be on top sometimes. The problem I have here is that I feel like I'm always the one giving in to please him. We ALWAYS do it soft, I'm ALWAYS on top, and sometimes it feels like he's not trying to find my good spots too. It's a little upsetting. He'll do things like ask for backrubs, then fall asleep, and that's it. I've tried explaining to him that I like my rough stuff like he likes his soft stuff, and trying to get him to think about how he would feel without it to get him to understand my point of view, but it isn't working. I've also gently tried to tell him that I want him to be more invested in trying to find ways to please me. I'm seriously physically unsatisfied. Please Help!!
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 hi
he is not compromising with you is he? he sounds like he is too lazy to meet you half way. you may have to take a step back and hopefully he will come to you and bring you more of what you need. the fact is though is that he just might not do this because he finds being rough distasteful.
you are being good to him by 'doing it his way' he needs to return the favour or resentment is likely to build. could be that you are compatible emotionally but not sexually. this can be remedied very easily if he wants to. you have tried the gentle approach to asking for what you want and it has not worked. maybe you need to try the more direct approach
xx
A
male
reader, popeye_loves-cuspi +, writes (20 February 2011):
So what you actually mean, is you want more raw passion in the love making you and your bf have? Would that be a fair assessment? To most, 'rough' means what you said you are not after.. choking, whipping and alike!
Have you tried to use the light biting on him? If so, was he receptive and seemed to enjoy it, or is this something you've not done with him at all? If he was receptive to you biting him lightly, then obviously he will see that when done right, i.e, not taking a chunk out of you and sitting in the E.R all night waiting for stitches.. but soft playful biting can be enjoyable and add a little more to what you both already have.
You say that you talk already, raise this with him again, show him what you want, but as i have said already, he may have had a bad experience what you want from him, and that will stick in his mind and be hard to get past and believe he won't hurt you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@blonde30s- I'd hate to think that he's selfish, because he's really not in any other aspect, so maybe he just doesn't realize he's being selfish in bed. I'll talk to him again about it. All the other issues we've had, we've gotten through together, so I just have to find the right words I guess. I'll try what you said!
@ Popeye- I completely agree that there is more than one way to have sex, and I do enjoy the softer stuff, it's just soemtimes, not all the time, but sometimes, I do want it rougher. I don't want him to whip me or choke me, nonononono, just more passionate and creative, throwing in some (light) biting. We do talk, we are best friends, and I feel very emotionally satisfied. This physical aspect is just the one little bump in our relationship. The fact that there is more than one way to have sex is what I'm trying to get my boyfriend to see. I'm pretty bored with our "routine" so to speak.
@OhGetReal...How is being in a commited relationship being a casual girl? I'm not an easy girl, and I really don't appreciate that insinuation. I'm 17 years old, which is old enough to be a human being and to make my own decisions about a sex life. My boyfriend and I actually do have a strong emotional connection. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Wow you are so young to be so into the sexual aspects only of rough sex play, I know you say this is an emotion based relationship, but I don't think it is a deep connection here, and it is mostly about orgasms.You aren't really going to be able to change his sexual style, you've tried it doesn't work, so basically if it is a type of sex you are most interested in, then he's not the guy for you, and maybe no one is. Perhaps you are strictly a casual girl.
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A
male
reader, popeye_loves-cuspi +, writes (19 February 2011):
So unless it is rough, you dont get anything from your sex life? Does it always have to be rough or is the room for compromise a possibility?
He might feel that if he is 'rough' with you, he may hurt you, rough sex can hurt, he might of had a past experience where he was rough and hurt the girl he was with, and that sticks in a blokes mind, it does me, as i have also had that experience, and i felt bad for a long time after it, because she asked for it a little rougher, it hurt her, and if you talk to him and ask him why, that may well be the cause for him not wanting to be rough! But you have to also understand, rough sex doesn't equate to good sex, good sex comes by talking, and asking what you want, you can have good sex 'softly' its just how you do it, the way you both talk, sex is not just physical, it is also hugely down to communication. You say you want him to invest time in what pleases 'you' but you have missed something vital, and that is... you need to show him, he asks you what you like, besides rough stuff. By the sounds of it here, it is rough or nothing, and that is never going to be a balanced relationship, it will always be one sided.. there is more to a sex life than just one way..
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