A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My problem is a bit convoluted, and I'm so conflicted over it that I just had to 'talk' to someone, but not anyone I knew. So I've known for some years now that I might like guys (I'm a guy) and the usual things that happen when one does like people of the same sex. There's this friend that I really fancy, but I'm not sure if he's gay or not. That's not really the problem though. My problem is that I also have a really, really, really strong desire to marry and have children, and get a family and like 'continue my bloodline', if you will. I can't bear living the rest of my life just with a gay partner, however much I might love them, I'd still want to have my own kids and stuff. That said, I thought that I might be bisexual. But I really can't convince myself that I have the same feelings I do for girls that I get when I see guys. I've thought of trying to date a girl to see if I like it, but even the thought of kissing them sort of turns me off...What should I do?!?!?!
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male
reader, der_zyniker  +, writes (8 January 2011):
Listen to Cerberus Raphael. He is right. I have seen several of his posts and he usually gives good advice. I am in the same boat as you. I want to have children that are my own. It will cost some money, but it is possible. If you don't have the money there are many children that are waiting to be adopted. It's not like it once was. You can be with someone that you love and are attracted to and had children. The world is changing for the better. Take advantage of that. You don't have to choose any more.
A
female
reader, LostInMyself +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Oh! darling! You are still young! But if when you grow up more and you start to thnk to have kids..and girl are not your cup of tea, don't even do it! :) There is no need to deicieve a woman or live unhappy with a life that is not for you...
There are other options like getting a surrogate mother... Also, it could be a good option to consider adopting. There are MANY kids out there who just need a home and love, and even if I'm a female I currently think about adopting myself.
Also do not forget that eahc country has different regulations regarding adoption, for example on some countries, you can adopt as a single father and if you have a male partner later there is no problem. In other countries they allow married gay couples to adopt, and in others they don't. BUt! This day and age with technology everything is possible :) I winder if you saw the case of Ricky Martin and his kids? He had a surrogate mother, and had twins, and later he came out and stated he was gay and had a bf. You cna find more info on it on google. Whatever you desciion is just make sure you love them and take care of them :) and talk to your partner and see what he thinks, and remember to always respect and support your child's personality and sexual preferences as well :)
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I understand wanting the "normal" married life and wanting children, but it would be hellish to live through a marriage without attraction and physical affection. I dated (and nearly married, had the ring ad everything) a lesbian that wanted a normal life with me, but she never could feel attracted to what I am since I'm not a woman. It was misery any time The Mood struck. It sounds like something you could fake,but it isn't. You have to be true to who you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): As a gay couple you do realise that you have a much greater chance to adopt a child of either gender then a single woman.
Sadly as a single guy you are only allowed to adopt in some countries and in most of them you are only allowed to adopt a boy.
Failing that you could go for a surrogate who will be the host for your child, and just like there are sperm banks there are also egg banks so you could pick a egg, have it fertilized with your sperm and then have a surrogate carry the child till birth.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Thanks for your responses! I posted the question but I don't know how to 'verify' that I am the 'original poster'. Just take my word for it :)
Sadly I am one of those people who always wants to have a cake and eat it too. In so many issues I'm like that...:(
I've given this a LOT of thought, and obviously I wouldn't marry and have children with a woman if I didn't truly love them. To live my entire life as a lie would be unbearable, not to mention unfair to the people around me. And I have thought about adoption/surrogacy, but then wouldn't half/all of my child not actually...be my child?
These are just my beliefs but I consider myself very fortunate to have been raised by loving parents and I do well at school, etc. I'm just afraid that if I adopt/surrogate (what's the verb form?) then my child/children will grow up with two fathers. I'm afraid that may make them...I don't know, different? They'd not be growing up in a 'normal' family situation, and it may bring them unnecessary difficulties. Plus, if I adopted a surrogate child, I would forever think about the woman who bore the child as its mother (which she is). There'd be half 'stranger' in the child...and I'm not sure if I'd be fine with that or not.
There's also something weird that has left me with more doubts about my sexuality. I fancied this girl in like 5th grade, and we had a relationship for like two years until we broke up, but until this day I still have that feeling that I like her in me. I still get that feeling when I think of her, but not anybody else. And yet, around/after I entered high school, I started having these homosexual tendencies.
This makes me wonder if I am actually turned off by girls, or is it just because I don't know since I haven't been in a relationship since? There are certain girls I feel a slight attraction to (nothing as strong as in 5th grade), would it be worth it to go out with them to find out my true feelings? I really don't want to be seen as 'using' them to experiment with my own sexuality though...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): So you know you're turned off by girls, yet you want to some day be married and make babies with a woman? WHY??
Don't you think that will be hell??
When you get married, it's FOREVER. can you bear to be having sex with a woman forever, if right now the very thought of kissing a girl turns you off??
Not to mention, how will you even develop a relationship with a woman to where she will want to marry you, if you're turned off by females?
I think you need to think more about what it is exactly that you want. Why do you want something that you know you hate?
Why is it so important to you to have your own biological kids?
I get that many people feel their lives won't be complete unless they start their own family. If it really is important to have kids, why not consider adopting? that way you can follow your heart (be in a gay relationship) and still have kids.
There's nothing inherently better about having your own biological children. Your children are the ones that you raise and take responsibility for, it does not matter and should not matter whether you share DNA or not.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 You can still get married and have children. Surrogacy is one option, in fact, recently I read an article about Neil Patrick Harris (who is homosexual), he and his partner have children, their biological children. In this day and age, nothing is impossible so do not worry. You can still fulfill your dream and carry on your bloodline.
I hope that helps.
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