A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am obsessed with this guy I briefly dated and it's tearing me apart mentally!!! I want it to stop.A year ago I met him online and I totally fell for him. He's in the military and soon after we met he had to leave on deployment. He was away for a few weeks but called and texted me all the time. He made all these promises about 'us' and 'our future' together. I fell really hard and expected this to work. When he returned he dumped me. I have no idea why, he just said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't sleep with him if that matters.I was quite bad for some time but decided to move on. I met my now boyfriend shortly after that and he is the most amazing person I have ever known. I am treated with respect and love, I couldn't ask for more.But, I was recently looking at Facebook and realized that one of my boyfriend's friends knows the military guy I dated. So this brought back memories. Against my better judgment I went back to the website where we met and searched for his profile. I can see he's still active but I can't log in to see anything else as I deleted my account long time ago. I've been thinking of setting up a fake account so I can talk to him and try to figure out why he dumped me...i.e. talk about past relationships etc.I know that I am insane and I want this to stop. I am wasting time on someone who dumped me (and couldn't even tell me why) and I have an amazing boyfriend who would never hurt me.I think I'm doing this because I can't get over the fact that I don't know why he dumped me BUT I don't know how to stop.Any ideas??? I am going mental here.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Alittlebroken  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Hi,
I totally understand how you feel. I am currently with an amazing guy too but can't seem to get over a guy who I broke up with a year ago! I can understand why you would want to make a fake account so you can talk to him- we have all been there and done it! I would advise talking to the ex if you need to get closure- it may be the only way. I have done this previously and it really does help to know why someone broke up with you. Be careful though- exes don't always want to talk and you could get hurt if he ignores you- or has bad things to say about you!!
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 If there's a way for you to talk to him, I think it'd be best if you do. Just tell him that it's been hurting you, if he's a caring guy, he should tell you because he shouldn't want to let you suffer with this.
You have another option. You can forget about him, spend more time about your boyfriend, get closer if you can. If you trust your boyfriend, you could tell him couldn't you, ask him. I'm just throwing out suggestions here. If you have a boyfriend, it means you're able to confide in him right? I'm sure he'll be happy you opened up to him if you choose to because it's not about you wanting to be with the ex, it's about you being hurt because you don't know why he left you. It's up to you though, I don't know either of you so I can't be sure.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Hi, I understand how you feel. you need closure, and the guy didn;t give you that. Why not just contact him directly, and say you need to know why he dumped you, as you need closure, as it has been bugging you all this time. I think that's a fair and reasonable question. I too would want to know why. Do you still love him or something? You could set up a fake ID ( I did that recently to test my BF ( now ex BF ) to see if he would date anyone else) , but yes, set it up , strike up a conversation with him, then tell him who you are right away, and ask him outrightly. You have every right to know. If he is too mean to answer you, thank god he IS out of your life. Don;t play games with the fake ID thing for too long, just say hi, a bit of small talk then come clean about who you are, and what you wnat to know. See what he says, but be careful your new guy doens;t find out if they have the smae freinds etc. Post an update and let us know what happens!! Good luck!! Natmariexx
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