A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently started dating a guy that i met a few weeks ago. He is really lovely and is a complete gentlemen who puts a smile on my face. Only i have one problem. at the beginning of the year i had my heart broken by the man i was madly in love with and now i am so scared of letting myself get in to that mess again. I am only young but the way i have felt was horrible and i never want to let myself feel like that again. I know it sounds stupid as it is pretty clear what i need to do, but i am so scared of letting my barriers down again and letting someone in because i am scared of getting hurt. Do you have any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Thanks for your advice, i think i will speak to him and let him know that i am still hurting from my previous relationship. i am pretty sure he will understand as he comes across lovely, as i have already said.
thank you again =)
A
female
reader, b.rye  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 Take your time!! If this new man is so lovely and whatnot, he will be patient regardless of what your issues are.Consider getting some counseling about your previous relationship though. You don't want to build up any more walls than you already have around you and having a professional's help (consistently for a number of weeks or months if necessary) can help you avoid a LOT of issues. Taking the time for self reflection and healing in such a way will leave you feeling (and being) stronger, healthier, and more balanced for all of the obstacles you will have to handle during the long haul of any future or current relationships. Heal those wounds before they have time to abscess!
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (14 April 2009):
 hun what you should do is let the guy know how hurt you were and let him know you're afraid to pull down your barriers until you are totally and utterly sure that you can trust him not to break your heart although you never can really tell whether or not a guy will break your heart.but if he cares for you enough he'll understand.and perhaps ask him to take things slow with you so you will both know when you are sure enough to trust eachother with eachothers feelings and care.Hope this helps hun,chin up! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): I'm sorry that you had your heart broken, and that it was so awful for you. It is understandable that you are fearful of it happening again.Have you told this new guy how you feel? Do you think you might be able to? He might be able to put your mind at ease a little. It might also help you to feel a bit better, to tell him what is going on inside you.I know it must be hard to let yourself trust someone again, and to let your barriers down. But if you don't try, you won't know. Yes, you have had a bad experience, but not all relationships are like that. You might have a lot to gain from this new relationship, and much happiness could be in store.Your ex already broke your heart, so don't let him stop you from enjoying new relationships too.Take things slowly, because it sounds as though you are still distressed over what happened with the last guy. Be honest with yourself about your feelings, and respect them. What you are feeling is natural, so just be gentle on yourself.-Sam x
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