A
male
age
36-40,
*eedguidance
writes:Background: I work full time and take online class part time for my certification. My gf is a full time graduate student.Today: Unfortunately it’s me again. While I was at work, my gf called me to say “hi” after she had gotten off school. It was a very sweet gesture, but her tone and mood changed pretty quickly from sweet to being very curt.After a few minutes of talking, she then said, “I’ll give you a second chance. Do you have anything to say to me?” I paused and paused and wondered. Nothing. She then said, “I’ll give you a third chance,” and only then that I remember that today is our fourth month anniversary together. I immediately said, “I’m sorry that I forgot about today. Happy fourth month anniversary honey.” She was not happy.I admitted that I forgot about the day and apologized to her. She would not hear it. Unfortunately, today is also when she goes home to celebrate her sister’s birthday with their parents that’s 1.5 hour away from my place. My gf and her sister planned to start driving at 4pm, but I am stuck at work until at least 6pm plus I have my own homework to complete and submit before 10pm. (We are trying to ship about $1M dollar of product by the end of this year.) I didn’t say that to her, but she knows. I then said (tried to compromise), “We will spend time together after you get back home tonight.” She was pissed and said, “I don’t want to spend time with you.” And then she said, “Now I know our anniversary is not important to you.” I think she expected me to drop all work and turn in my homework incomplete and go with her to her sister’s birthday celebration at 4pm. For some reason, she (and her sister) NEVER invited me to this celebration and we’re like family. Once I knew about the dinner, I felt very awkward so I didn't ask if I may come. I know that her parents like me, so I have no idea why she and her sister didn’t invite me. I THINK my gf was testing me by intentionally not inviting me; otherwise; I would agree to go with her and I wouldn’t be in this situation. She would be very manipulative if that’s the case. Somehow, I feel like I have been set into a trap…This week background: This week has been very stressful. Work was consuming, but I always take my gf to eat after I get off work and talk with her. School was also difficult for me after getting off work and staying up until midnight or later to study and do homework. I also got into my first car accident two days prior (my fault) that stressed me out. It was a distracting week, and it never occurred to me of today’s importance – until she called.For the first 3 anniversaries, I was on the dot. I was always the initiator, and she didn’t seem very interested either in initiating. Unfortunately, this week has been so distracting with work, school, and my accident that I forgot about today. I remember she forgot about our 3rd month anniversary until I stopped by and took her to our surprise dinner. I was not mad, upset, or angry. And when I calmly reminded her of that, she said, “At least I spent time with you.” I felt bad, and I tried to compromise that we will spend time together after she gets back home, but it seems that was not enough for her. She wanted me to be there and NOW. So it seems that all that I did on our first 3 anniversaries are forgotten. She now probably thinks that I put work and school over her. I don't think I neglected her, but she probably feels like it right now. We eat dinner together everyday after I get off work. We always eat breakfast and do things together on weekends. I usually study with her when she doesn't have exams.I am not sure what to do now… any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Hey,
This girl sounds so insecure. She has to 'test' your feelings for her by setting you little tests in her own head, whilst being passive agressive when it doesn't go her own way.
I would lay it out straight for her that you've noticed this behaviour and you won't tolerate it. If she really loves you she'll take note.
A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (6 November 2010):
 "Somehow, I feel like I have been set into a trap…"
Read that over 5 times then read your post again. Your whole relationship sounds LADEN with death traps. I don't even know where to begin! The very notion of having to celebrate an anniversary (ANN = YEAR) every month is RIDICULOUS. Sure, a cute little reminder of it is one thing, but for your girlfriend to EXPECT you to be the one to remember and throw a fanfare over it every month 'or else' is not cute; it's tyrannical! How can she possibly expect it to be fun for you to surprise her on your little monthverseries if you know she's going to gut and hang you if you don't? And the more important question is, why is celebrating these monthverseries only YOUR responsibility? Aren't you BOTH in this relationship?
You are also spot on in your suspicion that your girlfriend purposefully did not invite you to her sister's birthday as a test. She wanted to see if you 'wanted' to come badly enough to ask, so god help you if you didn't summon the courage to. I'm just flabbergasted at the way your girlfriend's behaving, especially on top of your car accident this week. She obviously has NO idea how awful car accidents make you feel -- probably because she makes her boyfriends drive her everywhere!
To sum up what everybody's thinking and what you already must know, your girlfriend is a real viper. I don't care how lovey-dovey she is to you at other times, there is NO excusing this sort of behavior. It's clear she doesn't respect you as a person; you are merely an accessory. Your sole purpose in her eyes is to treat her like a princess. She will constantly throw out tests for you and crucify you when you 'fail' to meet her princess standards. It's only been four months; if I were you I'd walk away before this goes any further. However, since you sound like such a good boyfriend (AKA fool), I know you will probably stay. At least do yourself the favor of showing your girlfriend this post and our responses to it and hopefully she'll realize what a witch she's being.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Well, I would talk to her about your feelings:
For starters: her getting upset about you forgetting a four MONTH annivesary is quite frankly, crazy. Especially considering how busy and stressed out you are.
Also: why do you have to initiate things? She can't get upset at you if she doesn't initiate things herself, it's just not fair.
If talking doesn't work out, then breaking up might be the ultimate solution (she seriously sounds like an unreasonable, selfish person)
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