A
male
age
41-50,
*J42341
writes:When I was younger, I didn't take dating so seriously so my subject was never a problem back then. Now that I'm a little older, I've been more interested in finding the right woman to settle down with.I've had a few different relationships with women in the last few years that started to get more serious, and things were going well with all 3 relationships until I made the decision to be honest about my past, then things just quickly fell apart!I can understand why women might have a problem with my past, but I'm seeking advice if I should just not be honest about my childhood and leave it a secret?!...because it seems to be the 1 thing that always leads to the demise of when I have a good thing going.When I tell them about my childhood, how my full-blooded sister, who was 3 yrs older than me, seduced me when she was 17 by giving me foot-jobs under the blanket on the couch, calling me into the bathroom to hand her something while she was taking a shower and ripping the curtain back, exposing herself, even having me help wash her back once because her arm was soar, getting my first feel with her, getting my first handjob from her, etc.....and they ask me how that made me feel, and I'm just honest with them and tell them that at the time it simply only fulfilled those current fantasies, but of course I don't think about her like that anymore and don't hardly even talk to her anymore and she has a normal life, with a family.If that isn't enough to freak women out, perhaps it's when they ask me if I ever fantasize about it, and I honestly reply that I don't fantasize about doing anything with my sister again, but when I reflect back on those memories, that they are quite fond per she was very attractive and seductive, but of course now it seems very wrong. But shortly after being honest, things quickly go bad and they all of a sudden want to see other people, then eventually tell me things aren't working out.I don't feel this is something I should keep from a serious relationship until I'm having pre-marriage counseling. Does anyone agree with me? Or does anyone think I should keep it secret forever?I would appreciate any and all feedback! Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): Stuff happens. My stuff isn’t quite the same as yours, but it happened.
My sister is sixteen years older than me. My family was having troubles when I was born, including my sister having been pregnant and sent away to have her child, as was the norm in the 1960s. She came back and helped care for me, since I was the product of an ‘accident’ around the same time. She always felt motherly toward me, having lost her child and dealing with our mother who didn’t really want me anyway.
Fast forward 16 years. I was an unhappy adolescent. An evening that unfortunately involved considerable alcohol led me to tell my sister just how unhappy I was, how in fact I’d been planning my suicide. I’d been with a girlfriend for some months at this point, and we’d been doing manual stuff, but with no prospect of my losing my virginity. This night my sister was hearing all my problems which I’d never have let out with out the drinking. And stuff happened. I lost it with her.
For many years I considered it to be the more awful thing, the most horrible shame. It’s still, 30 years later, something I’ve never acknowledged. Except for one time.
When I was 20 I met a girl with whom things seemed to be working well. She was only 18. One night with her I blurted out that I’d lost it with my sister.
That could have been the end. Instead we’ve been together for over 25 years. It’s never, ever, been mentioned. For all I know, my wife didn’t even register it. And that is the one and only time I have ever said aloud what happened.
So, 30+ years later, it’s not a thing that bothers me. Ya, it happened. I was a kid with hormornes raging, and I was drunk. At the moment I was frankly grateful it was happening. For the next couple of decades I was guilty about it. Now, not so much.
If it registered with the gal I told, it hasn’t been an issue. We have made our lives together, raised kids together, and have had a sex life together. She has a cordial relationship with my sister.
To answer your question, no, I wouldn't tell her just now.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 November 2010):
 Maybe once you get to know a woman better on a personal level. Not right off the bat.."Hi, I'm so and so and my sister gave me my first hand job." Now, if you think it will interfere with your sex life, then I would share your story before hand. Have you had counseling about this incest? I wouldn't volunteer this info unless you were asked about your childhood. Women don't know what to say about things like that but "Oh." and hope that you're past that point in your life, plus you're able to maintain a normal sex life.
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