A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. Nearly 4 years ago I had an affair which consequently broke my marriage up. At the time I had been with my husband for 21 years. We had worked hard and had a beautiful house in the countryside. We had a son who at the time of breakup was nearly 16, so he was sitting his GCSE's. I decided while my son was studying that I too would follow the curriculum to support him with his studies. My husband was away 20 days a month due to airline work. We had a reasonable marriage, rarely argued, but we were more like brother and sister. I couldn't bear to have sex with him, because of various reasons I suppose but mainly because I didn't fancy him and he always stank of booze. So yes you have now gathered that he drank a lot. Anyway I attended French classes to study french. On my first day I was chatted up by this charmer. He was overweight, bald not particularly good looking. But over the weeks I looked forward to going to the class. He asked me out for drinks constantly and I refused because I was married. Anyway it happened and he kissed me and fell hook, line and sinker. I am from a well educated family and comfortably off. He thought I was gorgeous etc and I fell for it. We then went to a hotel one day and made love. I have been addicted to him ever since. I have never experienced the deep love I have for him with anyone else I have met in my life. I adore him. My friends who met him were cautious with their criticisms, carefully choosing words. My real friends said I could do better. But I was in love. His marriage of 25 years was on the rocks extremely stormy and lots of swearing took place, plenty of abuse too. His 2 boys are equally rude with no respect to their parents. So different from my son who I absolutely adore and every inch a gentlman. I think his private education helped him.Our home was split in half and my husband retired and went into a pub partnership.I didnt move in with the new man in my life, so he kept his home with a horrendous mortgage, and I bought my own house in France. I flit backwards and forwards. It's been hard work renovating.I noticed early on that that he had odd moods, which have got worse over something quite stupid most of the time. He plays mind games I think to encourage it too. He has been so abusive with me calling me every name you can think of. Then when I grovel to him to say how much I adore him he EVENTUALLY makes it up. But the last year has been awful, in fact the last 2 have. He always says after to forgive him. I have rowed with him, tried being patient, I have given him so much love etc etc. I found out last year that he joined several dating agencies while we were supposedly an item. I WAS devastated! I didnt get angry, just asked him why, then he lied, I found out that he lies to me so much. I could tell you so much but I could write a book. Over a week ago the agency thing started again, I found out by chance. So this time I am trying to remain cool. I am not contacting him, I am hoping that letting him stew may make him realise what he is doing to me. I have lost nearly a stone in a few weeks, my heart is hurting quite literally. My face is getting drawn, whereas I have always looked really good. I feel I am dying, I am crying all the time. I don't know how to handle this man. My friends just want me to get rid of him. None of them like him, but only because they can see what affect he has on me. He is 7 years younger than me too, so maybe I worry about that too. I am not interested in anyone else I only have eyes for him, I adore him and know we are brilliant together when it is good. He spoils me very much after these hiccups, so there you are I need some advice please.............
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female
reader, penta  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 He's not going to change. You need to work on distancing yourself from him permanently. I wish I had easier advice, but in your heart you know it's what you need to do. Good luck.
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 ok so i know im younger and may not be right but my opinion is that the reason why you fell for this guy in the first place was cos he offered something new and exciting - a fantasy that one too many of us fall for!but now it is all too real and you are back to the rut you were in with your husband. this guy treats you will so LITTLE respect and if you keep letting him you will eventually lose respect for yourself - which you are already on your way to doing. you say you bought a house in france??briliiant - great move to distance yourself from this problem. it sounds to me like this man picks certain place to charm women ie lessong,dating agenices etc, and you are probably one of many who have fallen for it. my advice to you is to start fresh without any man and try and pick up your life just by yourself for a while - you need to heal those wounds that have been left. even if he realises that absence makes the heart grow fonder - dont give into his charm - just remember that all too soon his abuse and bad treatment will pick up again. i hop this helps and if you would like to talk about it further dont hesitate to email me!! good luck, and who knows maybe you will meet a beautiful french man if you let yourself!!and also remind yourself every day that you are a person who deserves to be treated like a queen
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