A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone I need some advice. I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. And we live together. But living together isn’t the problem. The problem is his mom and his best friend don’t like me at all. I’ve met the only once and that was a year ago when we first started dating. His other friends that he hangs out with I’ve never met. When your in a relationship isn’t a girl friend supposed to hang out with her boyfriends friends sometimes? My boyfriend wont take me around his friends the friends that I haven’t met he says that they don’t really do anything all they do is just sit around and talk. That’s his excuse to not taking me. His best friend doesn’t want me around period if we do go to his best friends house for whatever reason I have to sit in the car his best friend says I’m not allowed in his house. I don’t know what I’ve done to make his best friend hate me so bad ive never talked to him and I’ve only met him once. His mom on the other hand isn’t that bad she doesn’t really no me so she don’t judge me. I’m used to being in relationship where I can hangout with my boyfriends friends and have a relationship with their mom like she was my own mom I want that kind of relationship with my boyfriend but I don’t think I’m ever going to get it. I feel like one day he’s going to have to choose to either have me around or his friends. Ive been thinking that ive one day if we make it far enough if we get married his mom and his friends wont be there it’ll just be my family and friends. I feel like he lives two separate lives. He has his life with me and then has his other life with his friends and family shouldn’t we all be in his life at once instead of separate? He says his best friend don’t like me because we fight, but doesn’t everyone one that’s in a relationship fight? My friends know that him and I fight but they still like him I had only one friend who didn’t like him but she had a reason not to like him but she and I talked about it and now she has no problem with him. I haven’t given his best friend or his mom or any of his other friends any reason to not like me. I just don’t understand. I feel like maybe we just don’t belong together like we aren’t right for each other because if you are right for each other isn’t each others family and friends supposed to like one another. I know my family and his family will never get along together. And that scares me as well. Because what if one day we do get married will have to have separate weddings one for my family and friends and one for his family friends. What about if we ever have a baby together. Will we have to do separate birthdays and stuff. Sorry that this is so long its just things I’ve thought about.
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best friend, his ex, period, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 March 2014):
 I have a funny feeling that his best friend is also his drug dealer.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (17 March 2014):
I think I also get a weird feeling and I have narrowed it to the fact that your boyfriend is not showing much initiative to include you in his other life. I believe that this is very disturbing and will be a very large indicator for things to come. Even though he may be playing it cautious, it is not right for you to burden these ideals of his. Even though it is a fact of life that you can not make every "like you", in this situation avoidance might be equally as bad.
I also do not understand why they have a bad impression of you, but if your boyfriend is the common ground here, perhaps he is not trusting you and insists to keep you at arms length with his second life. Even though this is quite negative of anyone to say, the situation is too weird and whatever the reason, your boyfriend is involved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2014): All the other Aunts and Uncles made great points and I agree.
However, I have a few follow up questions.
1. How long is he in the friends house?
2. How many times has this happened with this friend?
3. Has he been introducing you as his girlfriend?
4. What kind of 'fights'? Violent?
This might be harsh but is there a reason you aren't allowed in his friend's house? A relative of mine dated a girl who our family refused to let in the house after a point because she had stolen things on numerous occasions from everyone.
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A
female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (16 March 2014):
 This is not a healthy situation. Your boyfriend is disrespecting you and probably manipulating you and others because he has a secret (perhaps dating someone, perhaps dealing drugs, perhaps married to someone, perhaps his friend does not like you and he tells his friend you are not together anymore because he does not respect you or himself enough to stick up for you). Leave this relationship. Do it for yourself. Regain your dignity. You do not have to live life in pain like this. It will take time to heal, but you can get through it, work on yourself, and find someone who respects you and wants you in his life.
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A
female
reader, brock24 +, writes (16 March 2014):
 Your boyfriends friend should not be treating you like that and your boyfriend should not allow it. you need to have a talk with him if you want things to change, and if he chooses his friend over you he is not worth it and you wouldn't want a man like that anywayyou want someone who will defend you at any cost. :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 March 2014):
 Are you crazy???? Sit in the car???... married, but with separate weddings????
There is NOTHING "right" about this "relationship" that you described.....
It's time for you to walk away from this man and NEVER (EVER!) look back. Let his NEXT foot-wipe-mat (a/k/a: "girlfriend") have him all to herself!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. You need to put an end to this ASAP.This is happening because you're allowing it. You need to tell him straight up, don't cushion it. That you are not waiting in the car. Either you go inside or they hangout another day. There is some underlying issue going on here. If his best friend and mother don't like you and he's not standing up for you, the relationship is already over. Please end it now. He is disrespectful and obviously doesn't care about you. I know its hard to break up with someone you've been with for a while but you are wasting your time on this guy. If my bf ever ever did this to me it would be over right then and there. You have to stand up for yourself and don't let him dictate everything!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 March 2014):
 I agree with C. GRant
WHY are you allowing this, and thinking MARRIAGE with this guy, seriously?
There is NO good excuse for him to not stand up for you. If he wants to see a friend who won't let you come over then he should see SAID friend when he ISN'T with you. Asking you to wait in the car like some DOG? That is NEVER OK.
Never having met his friends is PRETTY telling what your BF thinks of you. HE is either EMBARRASSED by having YOU as his GF OR he i pretending to be single, and he CERTAINLY doesn't LOVE you. I had ONE BF who kept his friends separate from me and it was pretty OBVIOUS why, he was "dating" at least 4 girls at the same time. And I don't really think he had many friends. Anyhow for ME that is a HUGE red flag when you don't get to met and get to know their friends.
YOU, young lady need to ACCEPT that YOU are in CHARGE of how people treat you. If you LET your BF treat you like a BAD puppy who has to stay in the car while he hangs out with a friend, then THAT is HOW he will TREAT YOU. Like an annoying bad puppy. IF you decide that YOU don't DESERVE that kind of treatment you dump his sorry ass and suggest his next GF should be a Golden Retriever, maybe he will treat the dog better.
Don't be a door mat. Don't live your life to PLEASE boys in hopes that they will love you or treat you right. When people TREAT you in a way you don't like you SPEAK up and WALK away, you don't just sit in the car in the curb waiting for your "master" to come and fetch you.
Wake up and smell the coffee, honey. This is NOT how a GOOD guy treats his GF.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 March 2014):
 "I have to sit in the car his best friend says I’m not allowed in his house."
Seriously OP? Because that's how some insensitive people would speak about a dog and that too wouldn't be tolerated.
Why the hell are you tolerating this bullshit? Who are his friends to not like you? And if they dont, then fine, it's their problem, YOU don't have to deal with it. Your b/f either stands for you or disappears from your life and these are the only 2 options I would give him. Frankly, he sounds terrible to treat you the way that he does and I wouldn't put up with that for even a second.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (15 March 2014):
 Good grief, you're pondering marriage while he treats you, literally, like a dog??
I think the other answers are on the right track. Even if not, what you do in a committed relationship is put the person you love FIRST. If a friend couldn't stand to be in the same room as the person I loved, the friendship would have a pretty limited life expectancy.
As for parents -- my parents had issues with the gal my brother fell for. Bottom line was they both died without seeing my brother again, but my brother has been with the gal for 30+ years.
If he loved you, he would put you first.
You are allowing yourself to be treated with shocking disrespect. You should demand better -- with your next boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): I think that his friend and mother have no thoughts or opinions of you at all. I think he's TOLD you that they don't like you so he can keep you apart and not involve you in an important part of his life. And if he tells you that they don't like you, you're less likely to insist on getting to know them.My guess is that he does this because he doesn't want his family and friends to know that he's in a relationship with you or at least the extent of the relationship you two have.This is probably because he's keeping his options with other girls open. I had a boyfriend who didn't want us to "come out" to friends and family and I discovered (after I dumped him because of this) that he was actually dating a another girl and his family would have given him a complete dressing down if they'd known.Dump him.
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A
female
reader, sure_okay +, writes (15 March 2014):
 Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? It sounds to me like he could possibly be cheating, are the friends who don't like you other girls? They could possibly be jealous. It's ridiculous that you have to stay in the car, tell him you're going in and you're gonna talk it out with the friend or you're gonna have to leave. Best of luck xx
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 March 2014):
 I can only think of three reasons why a guy would be this outrageous and mean to their girlfriend by actually banishing them to the CAR during a visit to a best friend:
He has a girlfriend and is cheating with you, and his family and friends know his girlfriend and he's afraid that you'll find out the truth about him and that you're a dirty little secret, OR he's so unbelievably controlling and insecure that he's hiding you from his friends like a dog hides a bone. I'd be curious as to what you fight about. The third reason is much less possible, except that he may have a religious conflict, and seeing you would send his family into hysterics. That is less possible.
Either way, if a guy actually tried that on me, I'd ask for the keys so I could listen to music while he was in the house, and then I'd start the engine, drive away, and then never see him again nor give him the time of day.
Get out of this relationship, and FAST. Controlling behavior only gets worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): dump this disrespectful loser!
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