A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for a month and to say I am not a sexual person. I think sex is not a fun (nasty)thing and I really don't want to have it. He on the other hand is into sex and gets horny in seconds just by being next to me in bed when I dont do anything. What can I say or do for him to get the hint that I don't want to have sex any time soon?
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female
reader, wonderlove19  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 I can answer that. I feel the same way you do, always have. My boyfriend is really understanding as we've been together for three years but whenever he even looks at me he gets aroused. And he hasnt been the only boyfriend who has had this reaction to me! Its not easy. I am not a sexual person either. My body literally rejects it. But I only recently discovered that this is normal for a woman my age, and your age. Our sexuality doesnt really peek until our mid thirties. Tell him how you feel. There may have been an experience you had in the past that tainted your views and feeling on sex. Think about it, because in a relationship it is vital to compromise. My boyfriend and I play around a lot, and he loves me, he tells me that just laying next to me is enough for him, and its just the connection he wants. Talk to your boyfriend. If he doesnt understand, then he obviously doesnt care as much about you as he should. Take care xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): If you don't want sex you can't stay with him as that would be unreasonable and only end up hurting him. If you don't like sex that much perhaps you are asexual and should find a partner who is the same.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 December 2008):
 One must assume, based on your posting, that you have never had a pleasant sexual experience. That is most unfortunate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): why do you think sex is nasty??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): To put it bluntly, most men in your age group have high sex drives. If you are not a sexual person and think sex is "nasty", you might find it difficult to sustain a relationship. Sex has been important to every guy I have ever been involved with. Your best bet is to find someone who is compatible with your own sex drive, if possible. Best of luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Hi Ms anonymous,
Your post rings off some big alarm bells for me, I don't really understand what is going on with you. You present as aged 22-25 (overage) and currently living in the USA. You have a boyfriend, you sleep in the same bed, but you don't like sex because you think it's "nasty".
Are you a virgin? Have you ever had sex with this guy, or anybody else before? Have you ever had an orgasm? Why do you think that sex is not fun and it's nasty. Those are some very strong statements to make.
The problem is if you are dating this guy, or any guy, and sharing a bed, he will think that you eventually will have sex with him, and he will expect you to find it enjoyable. What you are doing is very dangerous. If he finds you don't actually like sex or if you refuse to have sex, he might become angry, feel betrayed and think that you have led him on.
Why don't you like sex, who told you it was dirty, why do you think that it's nasty. These views are extreme. I'm a bit worried about you, please answer back and tell me what's going on. These views are very old fashioned for a young woman of your age. Has somebody hurt you before, are these views something you've heard from your parents. Dear Cupid is a sex and relationship site. If you are having problems with sex, then please tell us what it is, because sex (if you are not a virgin) should be very enjoyable and fun. It's not nasty, it's a great way for two people in love to interact and feel close. I'm not sure you should be dating men if you have such views. Please update your post and tell us what has happened to give you such views.
You must tell your boyfriend the way you feel. To do anything else is to cheat him out of the chance of being with a woman who likes sex and will enjoy it with him. If you ever have sex with him he needs to know how you feel. There are techniques he can use to make it more fun and pleasurable for you. Please update with more information about why you see sex this negative way.
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A
male
reader, faithfulboy910 +, writes (10 December 2008):
You should tell him that you are not ready to have sex at the time and that you want some space from sexual things. If your bf is a real man, he shall understand your needs and wants. That's all I can say. I hope the best
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