A
male
age
30-35,
*ovelessAct1
writes:For 4 years, I attended a small private Christian college and in my last year, ironically enough, I slowly became an atheist.Well fast forward 8 months after graduation and I'm just working day to day and seeing friends on the weekends. Most of them do not know I've become an atheist and that's something I'll probably keep to myself until I feel its necessary that they know. Until then, I just avoid the topic as I don't want to create any tension between us. I love my friends and appreciate them in my life, and I don't want something like a disagreement on religion to cause us to grow apart.Recently, a friend invited one of her best friends over for a party. We were introduced and after talking for a while we found out that we went to the same highschool, and even graduated in the same year. After marveling at the fact that we never knew each other, we spent most of the night sharing memories and flirting. She knows that I went to a private college and she went to a similar school (small, Christian, private). Its safe to say that she assumes I am still a Christian. It would all seem to add up that way; private school, all my best friends from college are still Christian and have no idea of my atheism, etc.Well, we've all gone out as a group a few more times since then and her and I have really connected. I haven't been this attracted to someone since my last breakup almost a year ago. Apparently, she really likes me as well. She has told our friends, who have obviously relayed the info to me, but they have no idea I feel the same way. I guess I'm playing this hand as close to the chest as I can.I'm just worried about getting into something. I could honestly care less what religion she is; personally I don't see it as a barrier to date someone, and hell, I understand the Christian mindset, I've been there not too long ago myself.My worry is that she won't accept my non-beliefs. America likes to paint a not-so-pretty picture of atheism, and I'm worried it'll affect what she thinks of me before giving me a chance.Is this a bad road to go down? Should I just keep my feelings to myself and continue getting to know her as a friend? I'm just a little unsure of where to go from here; I also am not quite ready to "come out" to all my friends, so... there's another fun variable for you.Thanks a lot :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): "hippie punching me in my aura?" OMG thats hilarious! Not even kidding I'm fairly religious (i believe in God fully but not part of any religion) and that was AWESOME! I have been laughing for like ten minutes because of that! I have to say though, go easy on rainorfire. He was probably taught that as a child, so no matter what we say he will always believe what he believes and I respect that. Personally, as I believe in God, i don't think it matters what religion (and that includes athiesm) you are. I think its the way you lead your life, and that is what defines who goes to heaven. I know horrible people who attend church every sunday, and kind people who are athiest. Like in the parable about the good samaritan, samaritans were judged back then very harshly. Yet, the samaritan was the only one that helped the sick man. Therefore, even God thinks we shouldn't judge on someones background. Anyway, hope you and your gf work out!
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (20 December 2011):
To be honest, I don't think a relationship where one person is religious and the other one isn't is likely to end well. It would likely depend on the degree of religiousness, but if she is highly religious and that is a/the priority in her life, then I doubt that it would work.
I'll give you an example of not a romantic relationship, but my grandparents. They are highly religious, and everytime I talk to them, they will mention God (trying to encourage me to convert). It has created a rift, since I don't want to constantly be bombarded with religiousness, and I have hid many things (at my mother's request) about my life that they would not approve of, so they know little about my life or me. I have just gotten married, and my grandfather refused to come, saying that I am like a stranger to him. My mom told me that he wasn't feeling well, but when I asked, he's still going to church the next day. He can go to church 3, 4, 5 times a week, but he did not bother to come to his granddaughter's wedding or her graduation from university.
The values between someone religious and someone who isn't clash. If she is really religious, I doubt that she will be comfortable loving someone who isn't religious. It will likely be easier for you, but for her, she will be afraid for the consequences to you if you do not convert (eternal damnation).
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reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (20 December 2011):
LovelessAct1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your responses (except for RAINORFIRE; I'll get to you in a second). I will give a follow up on the situation. I'm sure I will see her sometime after the holidays, and hopefully then we will have time to lay it all out. I guess be honest with her is the best option and hoping that she'll see me as me and not for my beliefs.@RAINORFIRE:Your response is one of the many reasons why I stopped following religion. I studied the Bible at college profusely for nearly 4 years, and had been a Christian since I was 15, and I have no regrets giving up such a hateful world view. I'm not "lost" or "Ungodly," I'm simply a guy who stopped believing in a god due to the lack of evidence and the scary amount of terrible things that happen in this world that god seems too busy to deal with (I guess he was too busy helping the Denver Broncos win games than help one of the TENS OF THOUSANDS OF KIDS WHO STARVE EVERY DAY). Another big problem with your religion is that you think that my non-beliefs give you a perfectly viable excuse to insult me and think of me as less than human, by calling my Ungodly and stating that I shouldn't be allowed to date someone who still believes. How can you treat other people like that? Its truly disgusting.In the end though, I'm not offended. Not at all. A comedian once said "A Christian threatening me with Hell is like a Hippie threatening to punch me in my aura." Basically, the threat is pointless. You calling me Ungodly doesn't hurt me, because I know I'm a great person; I give to charities, donate my time for good causes, and always strive to treat people how I'd like to be treated. What it does do, is make me sad. Sad that all you see about other people is their religion, and use that to determine what kind of person they are and who they should be with.I hope you have a great day, and I truly hope you stop letting religion tell you who is good and who isn't without even knowing them; you're better than that, act like it.
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reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 December 2011):
 I have some theories on this. It could be Gods way of calling you back to the flock . It could be the Enemy trying to snatch one from the flock and lastly its my understanding that a true christian will have discernment.
If your not talking about God thanking God and doing things in the name of God she should get the hint. also its my understanding that a Christian would not want to be with someone who is UnGodly, because your either for God or For the Enemy So a Godly Person should not enter into relations with the UnGodly. One cant live in two worlds.
I dont think you have to tell her a thing eventually she will figure it out and then she will have to decide God or her man.
If a beautiful women liked me i would be thanking God and singing holy praises.
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reader, bardia +, writes (20 December 2011):
 I'm an atypical Christian dating a fairly staunch atheist. Been together over a year. It caused some bumps early on as I sorted through some of my belief issues. I'm no longer in the mediocre evangelical boat and not just because of any influence his stance has on me. We respect each other's views. We don't go out of our way to get a rise out of each other regarding this issue. I do wonder at times what raising children would be like in this situation. A challenge, but not impossible. And he'd prefer a court wedding as opposed to a church. I understand & appreciate that. Outside of that we are very compatible in many ways. We're dear friends & really care about each other. Like I said, respect & compromise go a long way on both ends. Don't push your views on each other, but be open to each other. And always be ready to forgive & rationally discuss things as they come up in the relationship. Good luck & keep us posted...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): Hello, I went to a small, private, catholic school for 8 years. And I hated that school a lot. When you begin to study not the religion, but the priests, overzealous teachers and over enthusiastic volunteers who preach it, you begin to dislike the religion, when really its the hypocritical snobs that act like their perfect who become a little too involved in the religion. Small, ignorant beliefs (such as being against gay marriage, feeling that their religion is superior, hatred of other belief systems, including athieism) build up, and are soon taught to the masses. These weren't particularly TAUGHT, but the teacher's feelings regarding them were clear. At the end, students are less relgious then when thay began. I still believe in Jesus, but I don't consider myself a real catholic. So I understand you when you say isn't it ironic you came out athiest. Most likely, your gf feels te same way and probably won't care, but be honest. And remember, if you end up having children with this girl, they probably won't end up athiest.
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reader, Crazykatee  +, writes (19 December 2011):
Duno if that sent but honesty is the way to start a relationship
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reader, Crazykatee +, writes (19 December 2011):
Be honest with this girl, if she likes u then the whole religon thing wont matter! U just gotta put it all out there and if shes not intrested then put a full stop at the end and start a new chapter, good luck hun x
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