A
female
age
51-59,
*ink Princess
writes:I am just going to post a few questions at once... just cause i have so many... i am rookie to this relationship stuff so thanks in advance for all your advice... 1. Does a man like to hear I love you often?2. How can you talk to your bf about things you are feeling without him getting defensive?3. How do you know if your man is really inlove with you?4. Cel phone... mine doesn't like me using it... makes me feel like he is hiding something... or is it just my mind.../Lets start with those... and once again thank you for all your replies... new in the relationship thing...
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female
reader, sexi  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Hi, Like i said before you need to be open and honest with you bf. Tell him that you have noticed a change in your relationship especially with regards to his attitude towards you. If he isn't interested anymore he should tell you so that you can move on and find some who loves you as much as you love them. It is possible that he did not notice his change towards to and i'm sure if he reaaly want to make it work then he would be greatful for your honesty with him. If he really cares about you he would do what he can to make things work and to make sure that you are happy in your relationship. The only way that you can get some answer is to communicate with each other. My bf always prefer for me to tell him if something is bothering me so that he can do something to change what i think it wrong. BIG TIP: Guys are not mind readers, you have to come straight out and tell them what is troubling you.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Long-distance relationships are hard in the sense that you don't have the physical presence of the person, so you need more reassurance. I wouldn't take it for granted that men need less; I think it's a matter of circumstances.
I'm not sure to what extent we can help you, as we agony aunts are away from you, and, also, your boyfriend IS away from all of us. But I can venture some opinions.
There is a honeymoon phase when we all need the urge to show our feelings. That phase goes away, though, and that means that we're comfortable with the relationship. It doesn't mean we are not happy with it; much to the contrary. Maybe his honeymoon phase is over, and he doesn't yet perceive your need for more reassurance.
The problem with this is that one of the parties may be perceived as clingy. Are you sure this isn't happening?
Also, maybe he's not that into you anymore.
But, these are all just guesses.
If I were you, I would
1. Not text him or call him that much.
2. Talk to him about how you're feeling
In that order.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Pink Princess +, writes (3 July 2007):
Pink Princess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of your responses are great... its so weird to see how men and women think differently. but i guess my confusion comes from this...
when we first met he was so excited to be with me... called.. texted and was so attentive when we were together... now as the months go by he has become less...
some examples are... this relationship is also long distance.
doesn't call or text as much
when we are with his friends he gets this macho thing goin on and pays little to no attention to me.
his softer side has gone away... the compliments and affections has become less... like i should know how he feels now so why should he show it ...
than there was one thing last week that really got me thinking...
he text me that he was golfing at 4 than i never heard from him so i text him at 9 thinking he should be home and relaxin... but i never heard from him... so i called him at 11 and i got his answering machine... so i left a message saying could you call or leave a text for me to let me know your safe... than 2 mins later i get a text saying golf was good...out eating and drinking... love you.
i called his cel thinking he would answer it but he didn't.. all i wanted to do was talk to him about our plans for the long weekend... i waited a bit and text him why aren't you answering your phone... i didn't get a response.... so i called an hour later... and the phone was off now... this made me upset... earlier in our relationship he would have always texted me back no matter where he was or who he was with... after that night we were driving to the cottage and i struggled to weathre or not i should say anything... i thought i would let it go... but it came up... he said he was really drunk and that his phone battery died... so i accepted that and moved on. but than this weekend he got really drunk and well the cel came out and he was texting all his friends ... all night.... and the phone didn't die...
i guess i am just not sure why things are changing so much and in such a short period of time... i do think that we share something alot of people are looking for.... but why do i feel so sad?... how can i not read into things so much?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (3 July 2007):
I respect the ladies' opinions. They have had their experiences, too, and there are differences in men. However, if I were a girl, I would follow the advice of men. You see, as of this moment, there are four posts: two by women and two by men. The two women say we like to be told a woman loves us. The two men agree that is not so important.
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (3 July 2007):
Hi, 1. Yes, some guys like to be told constantly about your feelings for him. He sees this as being a sense of security to your relationship. Just say " I love you" at the appropriate times and abuse those special words.2.If your boyfriend is concerned about you, then i am sure he would want to hear about your feeings. Some guys would try and help with the situation. For example, if you feeling insecure about your relationship then he would probably reassure you if you told him about your feelings. Just be open amd honest.3.It's is hard to say. I guess when you meet Mr Right, You would just know. Don't keep worrying when you would meet Mr. Right and if he really loves you, just take things as they come and enjoy what you have with that someone special.4. Some people are very private with things like phones and wallets etc. You need to establish a foundation of trust with him. If you believe that he is faithful and you think he is sincere, then maybe he is. If there are signs that make you think otherwise, there's probaby something there: Just think wit you head not you heart.Hope everything works out for you,Good luck!
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (3 July 2007):
1. Yes. Deep down guys are pretty much like us females, they NEED to be told they are loved. It makes them feel good, just like it does to us. Many guys like to pretend they aren't like that...but they are. Say it as often as you want too...
2. This is a tricky one. Some people will probably always get defensive about things, no matter how careful you word what you say. I think a good approach is to first of all before you say anything state that you arent trying to place any blame or make him feel bad etc, and you are accusing him of anything, simply telling him how you feel.
3. Everyone varies. Some people show their love alot more openly then others. You can often mistake somoene for not lvonig you when really they do. Some people are just too scared/shy to show it. So I don't think anyone here can realy answer this question. And I mean love means different things to different people.
4. Hmm that sounds a bit suss to me. Ive seen a fair few guys not let there gf's use their phones and its always turned out they have had messages or photos thewy didnt want there gf's seeing. However I guess some people are just overprotective about their belongings. For example I know one guy who doesnt like anyone touching his phone in the fear they will break it/scratch it etc...but he also doesnt let them touch his cds and stuff as well.
Hope this helped :)
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (3 July 2007):
Being a man, I don't really don't need a lots of "I love you's". I can feel it and see it in our relationship.
All of us men are quite different in our mental-make-up,so you'll get use to your partner's mind set.As you both grow into togetherness.
How to know if he Love me? There may be lots of people who will not agree with what I am about to say, But I am not into caring about what people have to say. Women are born lovers, not so with us men. When most women say that they love you ,you can take that to the bank. She's a caregiver, in childhood,and a mother and wife in marriage. Her whole life is centered around learning to love others. From her first dolls, to those living dolls, bfs, who come along latter on in her life. Men on the other hand learn Self-Love, by way of our Joytoy, Penises. To be quite blunt, "Masturbation". While it's true that both gender engages in the Big "M". His solo-sexuality, but not her's, is what us men call love. And the real thing, "LOVE" comes along latter on in our ongoing relationships.
As for you using a Cel-phone, I think there is a time and place for it's use. When you are out with someone, I think that it's down right rude to be yaking with other people.It also tells me that they are more important to you than he is. So Please Leave the Damn Cel-Phone at home.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (3 July 2007):
I come from Latin America, so my answers may be a bit different from those a Canadian would give. But, here they are:
1. We don't usually need to be told you love us. We do like to feel you do, and that is usually shown in actions. So, if you're considerate with him, for example, I don't think you'll ever need to say "I love you".
2. Don't ever use those dreaded words: "We need to talk". Say that and we're already in the defensive. If there is something you feel, speak openly and to the point.
3. It's difficult to know, because some men don't like to show their feelings. I suppose you have an interest in a particular man; why don't you give me examples of his behavior, and then I might be able to tell you? By the way, his saying "I love you" doesn't count.
4. I don't think it is any of his business whether you use a cell phone or not. This one had never crossed my mind, honest. I'm not sure he's hiding something, though.
Keep posting your questions. We're here to help.
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