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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've had a very difficult childhood, i suffered from physical and emotional abuse by my dad, I've been bullied, people always made fun of me and the way i am by calling me a weirdo (because i was doing art that represented my feelings). I've lost many people in my life realizing that they back stabbed me. Im in my twenties, i moved to another country after my college, i got a full paid scholarship for my master's degree, which was my chance to get away from all the negativity. I enjoyed my life being alone, until i met my love, we got married and now have a child. I'm successful, i achieved my goals, and now I'm feeling nostalgic to my old days. I havent seen my mom or even my family in years. But i always reach out to my sister and my mom every once in a while to check on them. However my dad and my older brother don't seem to care about me at all. Well i used to call them when i moved to another country, but they were replying in a cold way. So i stopped talking to them. And now when i spend my time with my husband's family, i feel sad when i see how much love they give him, how much care they have to him, and im too embarrassed to say that im neglected and ignored by my brother and father. Sometimes it brings me back to the old days where i was abused and i isolated my self from having friendships or relationships with anyone because of trust issues. How can i accept the fact that my brother and father just doesnt want to talk? Sometimes i just want to burst into tears. The past keeps holding me back. I don't regret it completely since it pushed me to be a successful and independent, but it hurts when the people who was supposed to be your backbone just neglected you. (And i promise that I've never done anything wrong to them).Well I've always had the feeling that I'm unwanted or unloved by my friends or other people. I'm alwayw that friend who likes to make her friends feel comfortable and happy. But it's been 2 years since I've been feeling that im the one who has something wrong to push people away. I would always make time for my friends, remember their birthdays and buy them fancy gifts, always the one who spread the good vibes and make people laugh. But i always end up forgotten by them, forgetting to even tell me a happy birthday text, or even to text me back on normal days and leave me ignored. Why people have become so selfish and bitter? Is it the truth that people have reached that level of selfishness? I always try to remain positive, i always enjoy my life, but sometimes it hits me on the face realizing how selfish people have become. How do i overcome and accept it? I only have my sister as my "best friend" now.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 I can only imagine how tough this is for you. They do not deserve your love. I think you need to concentrate on your husband and your child who I am sure love you very much. Also maybe you could start looking at his family as your own. I am glad you are still close with your sister at least that is something. But yes I can imagine you are going through a tough time with all the things you have had to deal with. Have you ever thought about speaking to a therapist about your past? That might really help you resolve some off your issues.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2018): First, start with the love closest to you at the moment. Your husband and your child. Relish it! Cherish the love! They are your reward for all that you've been through! You are brilliant, accomplished, and have your own family now. You have to make the most of even your smallest of blessings. I say this all the time. It is a piece of wisdom!
If you dwell on your unhappy past or failures, and ignore your blessings; your blessings will dry-up! You live going forward, not backward!
Invite your mother and sister to come see you. You never really had a TV family-life; but you've maintained contact with those two. You make the best of what you DO HAVE! Not despair over what you DON'T! That's how you find happiness!
Everybody has misfortune, family-problems, and sorrows! When good things come your way, appreciate them all the more! Don't dilute your happiness with thoughts of your mean father and brother. Come on!
As far as your father and brother are concerned; it is what it is. They aren't the sentimental-types; so you have to accept that as your reality.
Never compare what you have with what others have. Your life is your life, and theirs is theirs! Everyone you'll ever know has some unhappy memories.
It's your determination, and how you deal with the past; that makes the best of your present and the future. Sometimes feeling sorry for yourself kills all the joy you presently have. You lose sight of it all. God blessed you with a child, and a loving-husband. There is joy in that! I'd say that's wonderful, considering! In total, you have a good life! Minus two!
Let no man or woman steal your joy. The past is gone, and lives only in your mind. Your brother and your father are two miserable human beings. Don't let it rub-off on you. There is no school-bullying now; so bury the bad memories and enjoy your life. You will find your peace when you let-go of the past, my dear!
One day, on their death-beds, or undergoing a life-threatening ordeal; either your brother or your father, will want your forgiveness. Often those with hard-hearts who have wronged you eventually face their faults and transgressions; when they see life coming to an end. Maybe that's what it will take for them. Live-on, regardless!
Sometimes, out of the blue; an epiphany occurs that people suddenly change their ways. If you worship, or have spiritual-faith; those are the kind of things we pray for.
We patiently wait.
We love them all the same, in spite of their ways. Sometimes by divine intervention, our enemies and transgressors are placed at our mercy; and they are forced to beg for our forgiveness. You don't pray for such things; but it can happen.
Put them out of your mind.
Value what you do have with your mother and sister. Be thankful for your little one, and the good-man who made you his wife. Look forward, and don't look back!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2018): To return to people expecting something different than what they do time and time again, is like being thirsty and getting no water.
The only way to deal with this is from inside yourself - and continue to be loving and kind and not allowing people to steal your joy.
I wish you a happy future - if they want to be in it they can, and hopefully you will be content however they choose to behave - it’s hurtful and at times unbearable but one way of dealing with it is to be glad you do not understand, and make your goal to live a fulfilling life despite it all
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (18 August 2018):
 I can understand where you are coming from. Its really hard when the people that should love you the most aren't there for you and don't seem to care. I have always had that problem in my family. I moved 1/2 way across the country from my family when I was in my 20's. I had went through a horrific divorce had a small child and met someone and decided to remarry and start my life over. In some ways I think my mother and sister really resented me doing this. I have tried for years to stay close to them but I am ALWAYS the one calling, sending cards, sending gifts and checking on them. I could be dead for months and I don't think they would notice! It really does hurt and I don't understand why they act that way. I was extremely close to my father and he passed away unexpectedly 5 years ago. My mother had him cremated before she even told me he had died! You can imagine how hurt I was. She had no ceremony, no funeral and told me that I need not come home! I just had to put it behind me and move on with the life that I have and surround myself with people that DO love me and care about me.
I suggest that you do the same. We can't chose our family. They are just there. Just because people are family doesn't necessarily mean that they are going to love us, or treat us well. You can choose your friends, your partner, but not your family. Some of us don't get lucky and get great family.
Take joy and happiness out of what you can, and be with those that make you happy. Accept your family for who and what they are and don't let it eat away at you. You'll feel better when you accept that I promise. Life is too short to try to make people love you that for what ever reasons just don't.
My mother and sister will swear that they love me and I guess in their own ways they do..but they sure don't show it. Its just how they are.
Be happy sweetie..don't dwell on sadness..its not worth it
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