A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 36 year old working professional and have been with my girlfriend for a little over a year, she's 24 and had just graduated college and recently gotten a job (a decent one too). Like any relationships, at the beginning it was all sweet heaven, the age difference didn't seem to matter as I act like a goofy old boy and she's quite mature for her age. I truly felt like she was "the one" at that time. She's attractive, humorous, tolerates my bullshit, sex is great, and above all she has a very kind heart. As we progressed though, I started to feel "dissatisfied" with her. It started with the cultural differences, little things like the songs we listen to or movies we watch are of complete different generation and taste. There are times when she was acting a bit too immature for me, mostly to get my attention but often times it back fired and we'd be in a fight, but it usually subsides quickly. I guess what I feel most dissatisfied about is probably the fact that I was raised in multiple countries (Asia and US) whereas she's a local Malaysian Chinese. The language isn't a problem, but there are times when I feel like I have to explain things that I felt I didn't need to; it feels kind of disconnected sometimes - not just with her but with the people around me as well. We meet once a week during weekends, usually have dinner, movies, drinks and spend the night; during weekdays I'm usually busy working; we don't talk on the phone, we text each other instead. Lately I've been more and more reluctant and annoyed when I get her texts as I feel that most of them are mundane things like "what are you doing" "what did you eat"..etc. I do remind myself that relationship is like taking care of a plant, we must continuously caress it or it will wither away. I just feel that it's sad that I used to be so happy to get her text, now I just take her for granted and even feel annoyed when she text me while I'm playing games or watching a show etc. I often times ask myself if I will ever marry her, or that I want her to be the mother of my child, but I just can't see it. she's only 24 and has her life ahead of her, and I have absolutely no urge in being in a marriage at all for now. There are more and more times when I find myself imagining with someone "better". I wonder if it's just my problem that I can't appreciate what I have, that I need to adjust my mentality and just "settle". I've been bothered by my thoughts a lot because on one hand I know she's really wonderful, on the other I must say the fire is slowly dying and I find myself more and more dissatisfied and wanting someone better. I guess what I need to know is, whether I should continue being with her, or end things early. I really don't know if she's the one, I just know she's great, but deep down inside I want more. If I want to continue being with her, what are some things or advice I can have to avoid these thoughts.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2018):
 It doesn't sound like this relationship is going anywhere at all. My advice would be to end it. If you don't even like receiving a message from her then it is clear you are already out of this relationship. Age can make a difference and it sounds here like it is. I think this relationship has ran its course and you should end things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2018): People say age makes no difference. Bullsh*t! It does on certain occasions and in certain situations.
You cited a few differences that have occurred between you; and they might make you question compatibility. You really made sense to me...at first. You are quite articulate, and you express yourself very clearly.
I hit a wall when you said:
"I find myself more and more dissatisfied and wanting someone better."
" I have absolutely no urge in being in a marriage at all for now."
" I must say the fire is slowly dying and I find myself more and more dissatisfied and wanting someone better."
BETTER?!! Excuse me? Let me put it this way...what the hell could you possibly mean by better?
Not once in your extensive narrative did you once say you love her!
I'd be a dog-tongued hypocrite to say your post was long. I write long narratives also. It went on and on and on. I searched, but I was unable to find the words "but I love her."
Here are the following adjectives and descriptions you used about her:
"she's a local Malaysian Chinese."
"she's 24 and had just graduated college and recently gotten a job (a decent one too)."
"She's attractive, humorous, tolerates my bullshit, sex is great, and above all she has a very kind heart."
So I'll waste few of my own words; and shorten my advice to this. You can't find "better" than the the kind of woman you just described. Different, older, more your type...hardly better!
Be gentle, and let her go. Don't waste anymore of her precious-time, if you do not love her! You have a way with words, but those important words I mentioned never appeared.
So you would best cease those thoughts by granting her her freedom.
Love should be the only reason you can't let her go!
Go find someone better. If you ask me, she deserves BETTER!
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (19 August 2018):
 End it now.
Your post is literal cry for a woman, not a girl. I think she's too young for you and you know it, when you speak of a deeper conection I think you mean you want a woman you connect with deeply emotionally and intellectually and youre realizing your current girlfriend is someone you like, but dont feel deep connection with. I think you should break it off and try date women who are older and whom you can share similar world view with. I dont think youre seeking a woman who puts up with your bullshit. Youre seeking a woman who tells you straight up what she wants and what she doesn't like.
I think you should break it off with your gf and reassess what youre looking for. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2018): Some people's boredom threshold is zilch. This generation is fuelled by what's the next fun thing to get our teeth into! Are we ever happy these days. I guess you need to let her go whilst you discover if you'll ever be happy with what you've got. Other relationships didn't work out for you?! Bring on the next and the next.... Here's the cliche: happiness comes from within... I should know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2018): TBH I don't think you love her at all and once the initial excitement has worren off you are fed up with her. Also yes there is the cultural clash there, you have lived in the US and probably used to the strong personality,the outgoing character and independance of the western women compared to the more passive personality of the oriental women. My advice is the sooner you leave this woman alone to find her own suitable partner the better. If you stay with her you will hurt her even more.
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