A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I would really appreciate any advice from anyone whos ever been in a similar situation.I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for 9 of those. We've had a stressful couple of years, financial difficulties, moving home, young family etc.Anyhow, out of the blue a couple of weeks ago he declares he has no feelings for me and wants to be on his own. No discussion, no talking it through or trial period, in his eyes its over. Hes been acting really odd, not his normal self at all since. I gave him an ultimatium, stay and make it work or leave, hes chosen to do neither-just coast along. I thought Id be happy to coast along, to hopefully give him time to work through his feelings and hopefully change his mind, but there have been a few occasions where hes doing things thbat make me think hes pushing me to the limit in order for me to throw him out and thus lessen the guilt on him leaving. (Hes been out drinking a few times and not let me know where/who hes with-in his eyes hes doing nothing wrong as hes told me he doesnt want to be me with me-but in my eyes he still hasnt to anser to me/us whilst hes living here.So my question is, is it possible for someone to fall back in love with you. Seems a silly question but hes adament that thats it. Is it best to give him some space that he obviously needs in order to work through this, do you think though if space is given he would be more likely to return or not.I feel so exhausted by the emotional turmoil, actually in a state of distress. My gut reaction is to panic and beg him to stay, but I know this isnt healthy and is doing the opposite and making him want to go.Any advice would be very much appreciated xxxx
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female
reader, Valyda  +, writes (3 April 2011):
This might sound harsh but you have to throw him out immediately. Let him figure out if he want to stay married or not. You vowed to love and respect each other. And please don;t feel guilty about asking him to leave, he did not feel guilty about telling you he didn't love you anymore. Are you so weak and needy that you are willing to live with someone who is hurtful and treats you with disrespect? You deserve more.
You have given him a chance by letting him stay and "figure it out". Now it is time to take charge in your life or you will regret not standing up for yourself.
Be strong, ask for help, and most importantly, kick him out if he doesn't change.
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 You need to get out of this state of limbo. Tell him that his lack of a choice is hurting you, and he needs to choose immediately whether he is staying or leaving. Bring up the fact that if he wants to go out and act like a single man and say hurtful things to you like he has been saying, it isn't fair of him ot just keep hanging around and not officially making a choice. Be just as strong and immovable as a mountain on this and force him to choose.
It isn't healthy for either of you to stay in a state of limbo in a dead or at any rate very weak relationship. Something needs to happen for both of your sakes.
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