A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Around March I received a friend request on facebook from this boy that was going to a college I had applied too. I didn't add him, just left it there and around july i finally added him because I was sure i was going to that college and I was bored lol.So I asked him how the college was and stuff and we just started talking in a message and the we chatted on facebook chat..and then on aim. we would talk for hours and hours. we had so much in common. I started to like him a little. Also i would never initiate contact he would always talk to me first. and then I finally met him at college. The first two weeks before class I hanged out with him alot.We went out, ate dinner, but it was never really dates just us having fun.I would see him in between breaks when class had just started. I never kissed him...just hugged him. It was fun and it made me like him even more. But then he told me he has a girlfriend and that he's really sorry. He didn't know how to tell me and that it would've made things weird. I told him that's fine we can just be friends...i just didn't want things to be awkward:/i stopped texting him and just distant myself from him...he would text me and I denied having lunch with him two times. I was just trying to forget him..I didn't want a heartbreak :( So I saw him after like two months at Chilis and I was with my friends. He texted me and we talked a little and then he asked me who was one my friends because he thought she was Cute! Seriously? I was mad..i didn't tell him..i was just said she's one of my good friends. And then he would always ask about her..and then he would be jk..its like he liked how much it bugged me. Then he added her on facebook and tried to talk to her..but my friend told me and I told her not to talk to him...anyways that passed..and this one time he wanted to come over and I missed him so I let him come to my dorm and we hanged out until 4 in the morning. Then I didn't see him for another two months..he would texxt sometimes...and then one day he asked me to go to a basketball game with him..It was exam week and I had just studied so much..been so bored..so I agreed. we had fun. ate tacobell.he came over and it was great. and then he texted me alot. and then we went on winter break..he would text me from time to time.and recently he asked me my schedule for tuesdays and thursdays and he was like 12-3 its lunch time for us. I was like i'll think about it. and he has been bugging me about having lunch. I denied him lunch on tuesdays..told him maybe thursday..he didn't text me today..until after lunch..he texted and was like how come you bailed on lunch..i didn't respond..and I am sick..so i had put that on my facebook status. So then after 4 hours he texted me again and said,I just saw your facebook status are you okay?" I didn't respond.I just don't want to be the second option! I'm always the second option. If he likes me so much and wants to spend so much time with me, why won't he just break up with his girlfriend? My friends keep telling me he likes you but not enough to make you his girlfriend. He always texts me and I don't know..he's just nice..when I am with him we click.we can talk for hours..idkk..he is just so confusing :(So I had lunch with him and everything was great. Two months later he told me that his gf is clingy and that he likes someone else. I told him that he needs to decide who he wants to be with and that its not fair to his gf that he likes someone else.He should do what makes him happy..etc..I never told him to break up with anyone. But I was kind of thinking the other girl was me but I wasn’t sure. I thought he would figure out who he wanted to be with over spring break, I really thought he was going to dump his gf because he wasn’t happy.After spring break nothing changed. He was with his gf…he would talk to me text..etc. And then one day on Facebook we had an intense conversation he basically revealed that I was the other girl and he liked me. He said that he had to decide who he wanted to be with over spring break and that he just thinks I’m not the short term relationship type of girl. He said the following things:you're more of the.."okay ive figured everything out now..i can settle down" girlyou actually know what you're doing with ur life, you're smart, have great friends, you're ambitiouswhats not to like? lol as hypocritical as it isif you got a bf..id be like. "damn, maybe she'll be happy and ill regret the decision i made".?!?!maybe for some guys, you're too good too soonHe basically told me that I’m too good for him? I don’t get it. Basically he said that he knows that i'm great and he likes me but he isn't ready for me yet so hes gonna stay with his girlfriend whom he thinks is clingy. It doesn’t make sense :( What should I do? Your opinion on this? Is he playing me? Why would he stay in a relationship with someone he doesn’t like that much? I can't even do anything because if there was something wrong with me. I could fix it or improve or better myself. But according him there is nothing wrong with me..idkkk :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 I have to agree with your other friends. He likes you, but not enough to want to have you as his girlfriend. These reasons of his for why he shouldn't or can't be with you is just excuses really. He could be saying anything, but the main message is anyway: he already has a girlfriend that satisfies him, and he likes you, but just not enough to want to be with you. He would enjoy to have you as a second option though.
So yes, if you don't like to come second, don't think that it will be good to be with this guy. How good of a boyfriend is he really if he goes to other women to complain about his girlfriend, then gives you this idea that he will be with you, perhaps, one day, only to stay with a girl he perhaps doesn't want?
If you get together with him, one day he will do the same to you, meet a woman he might like, talk you down to her, but stick with you because it is safe.
When a guy says "you're too good for me", he really means that he's just not that into you.
Why would he stay in a relationship with someone he doesn't like that much? If a girl he doesn't like that much is good enough for him to have as a girlfriend, it really gives you an idea of how much he values you! He will put a woman he claims to not like above a woman he claims to like. Doesn't make sense does it? Most likely because half of it isn't true. He sounds like a player who couldn't care less. He contacted you after two months of silence... that speaks volumes of how highly he thinks of you.
Even if he did like you, this guy doesn't sound like a catch. Perhaps you should agree to what he says: you're too good for him. So move on to someone better.
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