| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello,Ok. the problem is simple. I miss my ex, but I do not love him, if it makes sense. I miss our moments and I wish me and my bf had those momenst too. (we've been together for almost 4 months) not exactly the same, but that things were similar..My ex always asked questions about me, about my past and how I see myself in the future and my bf now doesn't ask me anything at all. He prefers not to know and that bothers me. There are other things, like my ex used to text me every day, call me at least 4 times a week, send me cute emails and random letters... he would always say sweet things and it was just perfect. Should I tell him how I feel? I know I shouldn't mention the ex, but I feel that if I do, he may realize that I need more attention than he is giving me but at the same time, I don't want to mess up our relationship like I have messed up others before..Should I tell him all of this? Is it worth it? I am leaving to go to a different state in 3 months.. so is all this opening up worth? I don't usually open up, not even to my best friends..
View related questions:
best friend, miss my ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (18 February 2009):
I think it is worthwhile practicing asking for what you like, owning your wants. You want attention, interest. You want to know he is thinking about you.
Your ex, no. It doesn't matter how you know you what you want. You like getting little calls at work? Tell him. He'll probably be smart enough to realize that there is a reason you know you like that.
Ask for something small, that he could easily do, that would help.
Maybe he isn't going to be the one for you, but feeling confident asking for these things, understanding you are entitled to (and need to) ask, gives you a much better chance of getting them someday.
good luck
A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 With the mentality of most men, if you tell him about your ex then it will likely have completely the opposite effect to the one you're imagining.
Most men will instantly feel that he is having to compete with your ex, and that makes it feel unnatural, forced, as well as making him feel uncomfortable.
But then most people prefer to be told that they're better than their partner's ex, not that they should be more like them....so feeling uncomfortable and a competing feeling would be natural.
Maybe you should initiate conversation about past and future events, and hope that he reciprocates. Perhaps you should try sending him random texts or e-mails, and see if he takes the hint and does the same to you. Maybe he just needs some gentle coaxing in the right direction.
You say you're leaving, and wondering if it is worth it...you don't sound too convinced about the relationship. Do you feel it is worth it? If you do, it looks like you're going to have to take the lead in making it work the way you want it to work.
Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Does he know that you are leaving? If he does, then that is probably the reason why he does not do those things. Usually a guy will only do stuff like that if he is interested in a girl that he views as having long term potential. If he knows there is no long term potential, then he is porbably just afraid of getting to close and then getting hurt when you leave.
...............................
|
