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male
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anonymous
writes: My new girlfriend is a stripper table dance and prostitute.She claims she now only strips. She spends most of her time with me goes to work arrives at my house 6 am daily sleeps with me (no sex my choice) hugs kiss only. I Never have paid her nor does she ask to. Tells me 10 times a day how inlove she is with me but the cell phone keeps ringing only conversation. She 25 and 1 year prostitute. I am Trying to place in a well paid job. She accepted, but I feel the gogo bar etc. Small arguments obvious reasons.What is the future for us and our love affair?
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female
reader, sydneytowers666  +, writes (10 July 2010):
Hi, when this post is over and forgotten. You continue your life’s experience. 1. Someone else’s opinion shouldn't have an effect on your choices in your relationship. You know better than anyone what’s right for you, what makes you happy. You know this woman? You share your dreams, your fears, past lives desires and bed for that matter. Why not share your heart, your love as well. Don't ride the fence. Either you do or you don't; in love there is no caution you get what you give, allow and except. You met her where she presently is in her life then except her. Why try and change someone.
Then why do you care about her? Do you love her? Then do that… Unless your offering her some form of security in her life not just money but a relationship with a bond you will be in her life and desire to build a foundation that maybe leads into a (marriage) family something more stable, something in your eye more respectable she “should choose to do for her occupation’ then at that time (if you respect her) you would be able to have more input as far as your opinion on what she does for a living. Right now, you’re just a boyfriend; she’s not married or obligated to you nor you her. Other than what you have agreed on up to this point. Remember no one has to sleep with her but you. If someone doesn’t like her or except her because of her occupation, that’s their problem as well anyone who cares about you and has your best interest in mind as long as you’re happy so are they.
Now, as far as her phone ringing etc. and what she says is going on whatever. She was honest to tell you of her prior activities? Or Better, just how did you meet her in the first place that knowledge might lead some insight into why you hold onto the insecurity of what she “MIGHT” be doing. If that isn’t the case and you met her outside of her occupation. Then give her the trust you want to receive. Until she gives you cause to believe she’s doing anything outside of what she says she is what reason do you have other than your own personal issues (which by the way you need to check or come to grips with- so your jealousy doesn’t run her away). You’ll not by imagination know she’s doing something, you’ll feel it in your spirit undeniably, watch. Allow her to love you when you hold back and half ass it the potential of what you could develop and have is stifled. If you’re starting like this then trust me this relationship will never grow. But it will be because of you. Look at her don’t worry about what she might be doing. She comes home to you. She has her option of numerous variety of men guess what? With money that will take care of her if all else financially and wouldn’t need or want for anything. Trust me most men coming to strip clubs aren’t there just looking for sex. I have many associates who have married their regular customers and honestly are in love. The entertainment Industry has its pros and cons, it does take something from the worker, when work is over they yearn for normalcy, something meaningful, real. Also, that workers sexual confidence as well as personal confidence is great (usually) meaning your personal life will all be but boring, lacking. If she hasn’t given you reason to distrust her then trust her until she does. It is an unhealthy relationship to be with an insecure man. Especially with the occupation she has chosen. Just as a strong man needs a strong women vice-versa. Build something don’t tear it down. In any relationship if you do not have “TRUST, RESPECT, COMMUNICATION, AND UNDERSTANDING” Then let it go because you will never have anything and the relationship is bound for disaster, save yourself and if you care anything for her, let her go and you both move on.
A
male
reader, MikeCali +, writes (12 August 2008):
I guess the story is already over when you read my message.I had similar experience with you, and the result was not pretty. It took me 5 months to realize that she is who she is and will NOT change any time soon. Finally I decided to end the relationship to cut my loss. 3 months after our breakup, still finds her posting ads online selling herself.She was a stripper for a couple of weeks after the night I was going to dump her when finding out she was still seeing her clients. Most of the girls like her will have mental disorders, in her case, ADHD and other disorder and had been sexually abused. Be careful, don't distory yourself, don't hurt her physically and don't virbally abuse her. None of these help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): you know what leave the girlfriend put her on the spot either you go with me or never do thoes things or if she refuses find another woman you dont need any of this they shouldnt be involved in thoes type of things in the first place
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): I have been through an exact situation; so I understand it quite well. I agree with Dr. Pete that you should start making love/having sex, though not unprotected. It is important to any normal healthy relationship.
Also, though you must treat her like a normal lady. you must rember two things:
1.) as Dr. Pete said she may have emotional & our psychological issues so take it slow, so that you can assess here "State of Mind"
2.) Trust is an issue, and trust must be earned. Many of these women have "clients:. Basically, Men who are called Friends or Boyfriends, but pay them monthly, some amount of money for spending time with them. And Yes, this often includes sex.
Do not lie to yourself! She is/was a prostitute. She willingly, most probably, has the ability to have sex with hundreds of men. Like my girlfriend, an ex-prostitute, I know that they are some of the most fun :) girls in the world! Great sex, of course! But marriage is a whole different ball game; divorce is expensive, child support sucks, and you better be sure she is not still seeing "Friends" (i.e paying clients) while you are at work.
To be honest, date her, have fun! Of course :) But go fing yourself a real wife at church or something. You will sleep more peacfully, not get distracted about "watch she is doing" while at office, and potentially save yourself from an adulterous wife.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Everything Dr. Pete says, and then some!
I would only add: do you know if she still has a pimp? Its my understanding that pimps don't let go of "their" women and the income they provide, easily. Often the pimp will seek to "chain" a woman to him with threats, and drugs. You don't need to get involved in this kind of trouble!
Second, has she been tested for HIV and other STDs recently? If not, she needs to get tested, and you need to be sure she has given up her way of life.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): You haven't mentioned whether or not her past - or present - bothers you, so I'll assume it doesn't. I think you have as much chance as having a successful relationship as any one does, but there are a few words of advice I can offer.I don't believe any women who is sufficiently emotionally developed will turn to prostitution. I will guess she has experienced some troubling times in her past that lead her to prostitute herself, and to continue stripping now. Prostitution can have the same affect as those who have experienced rape, or sexual and emotional abuse. In a person who has developed 'normally' - sex and intimacy are strongly bonded with love and respect. When 'abnormal' often traumatic experiences occur, this bond is perversely broken and for those who are affected they can, for a time at least, find the concept of love, intimacy and monogamy very difficult and paradoxical (she desires it; but at the same time is scared of it and fights it)She overly tells you how much she loves you because she wants your love in return, yet, I feel she probably does not feel worthy of your love, and may not for a while. She repeats the "I love yous", not so much to relay her feelings, but more because she wants to hear the same thing from you, she needs the continual reassurance that she is wanted and needed.We all have a past, and a degree of emotional baggage but in your case, you need to look out for a few things in particular: You need to a) be sure that she is always truthful to you and b) be sure that she no longer seeks attention from other men. These are the signs that this girl is ready for a relationship. The fact however, that she is still a stripper is not a good sign, in my opinion.Also, whilst it may seem like a good idea that you are not having a sexual relationship with her (and - assuming neither of you (now) have nothing against pre-marital sex) that isn't necessarily a good thing. You need to get to a "normal" relationship state as soon as you can. Any thing else will reinforce the idea that she is in someway "damaged".If you reserve from having sex with her because you feel she is not "ready" then neither is she ready for a relationship. If this is the case, the more you make allowances for her and show yourself to be the "perfect" and caring guy, the more she will feel inferior, second-rate and not good enough; and a reactionary way of feeling this way is to sabotage the relationship, not to work at it.I have known a number of prostitutes (none of them intimately!) and also those who have had sexual abuse in their past and I've seen in them, every time, that it often takes many years, sometimes decades for their self-distructive behaviour to become realised, and to be put in the past. Reading between the lines in your message, I don't feel like this girl has yet got to that stage. But, I may be wrong - and I do wish you the best in the future. Just treat her like any other girl and if there are problems, you know she is not ready for a relationship. At least you have showed her that there are men who wish to have love over sex.
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