| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: No judgment please.I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now.We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. It is an affair but after 2 years, it has become "relationship" like in some ways due to the length of time we have been together. There is always some natural progression involved.The biggest problem is the trust issues.He says he trusts me but I think he does question my loyalty at times. Or more like he worries about it.For the record, in our entire 2 year relationship I have been absolutely faithful to him sexually and otherwise.I, on the other hand, do not trust him. I started out trusting him but the longer we go, the harder it has become.I worry he will grow bored of me eventually or leave me for someone else once my shine wears off. Clearly it has not. Yet?He has told me he is happy with me and is not looking elsewhere and is fulfilled with what we have. That I am the sexiest, most beautiful woman he knows. That I am the best sexual partner he has ever had. Not only that but I am the whole package. Personality, intelligence etc.My concern is focused around a woman who works at the martial arts studio. She is another martial arts instructor. And he is her boss. There are several instructors working there.Now, this woman is also attractive. And I am friends with her so I know she is unhappy in her marriage and has not slept with her husband for several months. They essentially live separate lives although they live under the same roof with their kids.I have asked my married lover if he thinks she is attractive and he has said yes. But he also says that I am more beautiful and sexier than her and have more going for me. That he is not interested in her. I know I should not ask such questions but I do because I don't trust him. And I know he thinks she is attractive. So, I suppose I am trying to feel him out to determine the risk factor of him ever starting up with her should an opportunity ever arise.So, my problem is that she is there a lot. She is in some classes. She has to keep in touch with him because he is her boss. Sometimes I see them bantering and joking and it bothers me. Like one time he said something funny to her and she hit him on the shoulder laughing. But that is the only time I saw her actually touch him.I do not worry about the other instructors because they are happily married, unattractive and not viable options. I am focused on her.So, my problem is that I am constantly worried that he can start an affair with her at any time. I mean, she is in a position where she is unhappy in her marriage and has not had sex for months. He is a proven cheater who has already landed me, a woman much younger and much more attractive than him. He just has charm. I am not sure how to explain it. And I worry he will run the same game on her and reel her right in, just like he did with me. She has some cracks in her armour that he can work with. She and I are the same age and are both attractive and in good shape. Now, I do not know if he would sleep with both of us. But I cannot be sure. I don't trust him. And I am making myself sick with worry, always wondering if I am just a sitting duck. That eventually he is going to move on to his next conquest. Her. Or has he already and is adept at hiding it? My gut tells me no, has not.I like our relationship and like him as a person. I just don't like that I am involved with a man who is capable of cheating. I confide in him, and we are good friends. I do not want to lose him to another woman. I know it is hypocritical as his wife has lost him to me in some ways. I should not even be worrying about this. But I am. I am still feeling threatened because I know what he is capable of. I am playing with fire, I know. I just do not want to get burned. I want to think that I am special and that he fell for me. And that it can never happen again.I do not think I can handle being a mistress. I fell really deeply for him. I think it's love sometimes. And if he took up with someone else, he would break my heart. I would be gutted. It would hurt unbearably. I am trying to protect it by being on guard. By being vigilant. By scoping out threats. But it is so exhausting to always keep an eye open. To always worry. To always worry about her. To always watch and wonder. It is beyond stressful.He knows how I feel. We have had many talks and arguments about fidelity, about him taking up with her or someone else. I have been very honest and blunt with him about my thoughts, fears and feelings all along. No holds barred. He continues to reassure me that I have nothing to worry about. That he would never do something like that. That he would never hurt me.How do I believe him?I do not know how to handle it.I am hoping for some constructive advice.Without judgment.It is hard on me.I just want to be with him and not have all these fears and worries. I am just not secure with him. I do not feel safe. And this is why I worry about her or other women. But especially her. I do think I am more beautiful and have more to offer (and he has said so himself) but I guess that would not matter to a cheater, would it?I also wonder how stupid he would be to get involved with the both of us (or even leave me and go with her) when we are friends and both frequent the same venue and run in the same social circle. And she works for him. A lot would be at stake if he was found out. He already goes to great lengths to cover up our involvement. He does not want to lose his wife or job or reputation. He is well known and respected in our community. So, I am not sure he would ever entertain the thought of screwing around with her. It would just be a bad idea overall. Especially since he knows I would not take that lightly, already have my eye on him, and he cannot guarantee his secrets would not be exposed.I know I will be judged. And I deserve it. But I am also a human being. And I am going through a lot. If you can just see it from my perspective without judgment and give me some advice on how to cope and what to do, I would be very grateful.It is just too much to handle sometimes. Seems to be getting worse.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2016): "At most, it would be a sign that he neither loves his wife, nor he loves his mistress. That he is a smug, selfish, entitled prick who likes to have his cake and eat it too, and puts his convenience and habits above everything else."Since when "being a prick " is synonimous for "true love"?"Cindy Cares, I agree with this.I think this could be true.However, the part about giving up Kingdoms for love, we should probably leave that to fairy tales.In reality, many powerful men throughout history and I won't mention every one of them (we'd be here all day!) have had mistresses and never left their positions of power or given them up. Kings, Presidents, Generals... etc. Many powerful men throughout history have had a stable of concubines available to them for "play time." And that was all it was. Never once have these powerful men left a wife. Why? Because it benefitted them to be/stay married to her. In every way til Sunday. And rarely was it about LOVE. It was about status, political alliances, keeping the royal family line going for generations. It was all quite strategical. In some ways, things have not changed between modern couples. Men like a woman for status, to take care of them and to raise their children. They often pick the seemingly perfect woman on paper. But at the end of the day, they like an exciting woman in the bedroom. And unfortunately for wives, they do become boring due to familiarity eventually. But then again, the mistress will worry about the exact same thing due to his ability to be unfaithful in the first place! So, she wonders what will happen to her once she becomes dull and boring like this wife? This is her cross to bear for as long as she remains with him. Maybe he is not a serial cheater. Maybe it was circumstantial. And granted, he may never cheat on her with another woman and they may actually have a pretty good relationship (as good as it gets with a married man) that has evolved beyond sex but still..... it will haunt her. She CANNOT trust him. You can see that in her post. If anything this is what will ruin it.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 July 2016):
 Anon of July 7th :
I think we had this debate on another thread, but maybe it won't be superfluous to repeat a few things..
You say that we go by generalizations. Well, of course. What else ?. All knowledge in any field comes from a process of " generalization ", i.e. of trying to desume general rules , trends and probabilities based on general experience and observation. That applies to human behaviour too. We live in an universe of signs and symbols, and that applies to social phenomena and individual psychology too. " When you see X, then 99% of times, Y happens ". Otherwise, how could any of us even try to give a somewhat sensible / reasonable answer ,if not based on what has been garnered from a substantial number of cases, either personally observed, or desumed through other sources, say, scientifics stats about adultery ?
Of course , human behaviour is not subject to immutable laws like the physics law (... if you jump out of a window, you will ALWAYS go downward, never upward... ) and allows for individual variations. But when the spectrum of variance is very very small, we are legitimated to carry on our discourse keeping on the forefront the general trend, not the possible individual variance.
Of course it would be different , if the OP could visit us personally, and tell us all the story of her life and past , and introduce us to her lover, and let us obsrve their interaction, and explain us all the details that make her an exception.
But just based on what she says, we have to stick to " where's there smoke there's fire "- and anticipate that she is going to get singed badly.
If it quacks like a duck and it walks like a duck, then it is a duck.
Of course in theory it is still possible that there's something that quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, and it's an eagle instead. But it can be believed it when it can be touched and seen.
In this case, - elementary Watson. No, if the OP's lover is still married with another woman after 2 years, and he is still careful to keep our OP a well kept secret, and paranoid about having his status and reputataion dented because of this " relationship ", no , he does not love her.
Unless your concept of love is the same as a 16 y,y, highschooler : looking at each other with googly eyes saying, oh my, you look so pretty and you make me so damn hot.
" Love is not two people staring at each other, but two people looking forward in the same direction ".
Where's the direction here ? where's the project, where's the shared vision, where's the common future ? Where's the introducing each one to the other person's world ? ...
They can't even go out for dinner together, least his wife should come to know ! Do you call this love, when you can't ( don't want ) even realize the common pursuit of... sharing a pizza in public ?
Seriously, OP and anon- do you really think that someone who loves would accept , propose actually, to just have the crumbs of this love- as long as it does not interfere with other more pressing concerns, like , say, his wife ?
Oh please. People have given up KINGDOMS for love ( look at Edward VII and Wallis Simpson. Not that it was a good idea, pretty bad in fact, but at least the guy put his money were his mouth was. And very literally- because by abdicating he forfeited his right to his faboulous, yearly royal allowance. ). People for love have been able to give up riches, positions, status, - their families , their countries at times - everything .
And this married guy won't leve his wife because he might get dirty looks , say, at PTA meetings,
or when he goes grocery shopping where his in- laws go ?....
Yeah. Right.
So what if it's not of of love either that he is staying with his wife ? Possible; but what has this got to do with all the rest ?
At most, it would be a sign that he neither loves his wife, nor he loves his mistress. That he is a smug, selfish ,entitled prick who likes to have his cake and eat it too, and puts his convenience and habits above everything else.
Since when "being a prick " is synonimous for " true love " ?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 July 2016):
 "They STAY because of obligation, comfort, security, predictability, fear of taking chances, fear of the unknown" - yeah. Nobody said he loves his wife, just that he doesn't love, value or respect the OP enough to make her his only. If he really thinks she's special, he'd be with her.
OP, if you want to stay with him, tell his wife. Why? She deserves to be able to leave. The anon who thinks it can work out fine also doesn't care about his wife. The rest of us do. You should too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2016): Why are all the posts repeated the outcome is always the same. Married man refuses to leave wife, other women is left heartbroken. He dumps his mistress and finds a new one, which is what your fear is just now.Married man does leave wife for her and the cracks start to show as there is no trust. I posted on here a few days ago as the man I'm with was married when we met. Before I moved in with him he was perfect. Now he checks everything I do! Why? As someone pointed out he knows that I cheated with him. Now I'm 27, with his kid and stuck in a relationship with a man pushing 50 and controlled as some also told me on here. That's your reality so please listen to the advice you are getting on here, because you don't want to be me in a few years! I read some of the responses of how perfect one poster thinks it could be trust me when I say it can never be, he did leave his wife for me and now I'm suffocated. I think you know that or you wouldn't be worried about this other women. When you watch her with him and get jealous that's exactly what my man does to me now because he knows how he got me. That's your future if you do stay with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2016): It is very possible for a married men to actually have an emotional investment in his mistress. Hence, his wanting her to stay with him or keep her on the hook, keep her sweet as some of you have said.Ever think he COULD be telling her the truth? He does think she is special? Too good for him? That he does NOT have sex with his wife? Surely there are many a married man who do not get sex from their wives without having to lie about it. Happens all the time. The sex dwindles for a myriad of reasons after marriage. And then dwindles down to zero.I believe it is more than just sex in many cases. Especially in long term affairs such as this. I beg to differ. The fact it has gone on for two years does qualify it as a relationship. Relationships take on many different forms.It is complicated to say the least. Human relationships are - but affairs the most complicated of all. Who are we to understand? We cannot. All we have are generalizations and over repeated comments and advice which everybody throws at the married man and mistress like every situation and person is the same. We are not in the position of the married man and his mistress. We cannot know with certainty what they feel or how this will pan out.He may truly care for her beyond the sex. He may actually even love her. How do we know he does not? Just because he does not leave the wife? So what? Lots of guys don't. We know this. They do not stay because of LOVE. Surely if they loved their wives so much and she was enough, they would never have sought out another woman in the first place. They STAY because of obligation, comfort, security, predictability, fear of taking chances, fear of the unknown.To the OP, if you can handle being his girlfriend and you can find a place in your heart to trust him, then there is no reason why you cannot continue seeing him if he makes you happy. You just have to come to terms with the fact he will never be yours. That he will always be married and never to you. Is this too painful? Only you can answer that.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 July 2016):
A long term relationship is between people who are exclusive - you are not.Commitment is between people who are exclusive - you are not.He broke up with you 6 times, but hasn't left his wife - that's not commitment.He says you deserve better, should be with someone else, are too good for him, etc. - and you stay.... because the BS he's feeding you is supposed to do that.... it makes you feel sympathy for this poor cheating man who clearly wants to be with me and thinks I'm amazing. He's lying to you to keep you on the hook.... and it works because you're naive.OP, some questions for you to answer here or for yourself:Why would you rather be a home-wrecker than single?Why would you rather be a home-wrecker than with someone who only wants you?Why would you rather be with a cheater and a liar than someone who is faithful and honest?Why don't you care about what you're doing to his wife?That last one is so important because your moral compass is broken, right now, OP. Not once have you expressed guilt. She has not lost *any* of her husband to you because you don't have any claim on him.Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to another woman? Why are you wasting your life? Please get some counselling to figure all of this out.You can't ignore it forever because you'll end up like this poor woman in 8 years: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-married-man-was-upset-i-broke-up.html
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2016):
 But Sweetie you are his mistress, you are not in a relationship, you are just wanting to believe that because if you open your eyes up to the truth it will hurt you, if you where in a long term relationship he would not be married to another woman, he just gives you what you want to keep you happy and that way he gets to have sex with two women. I wish you could see that he is playing you. It is the sex he keeps coming back for, because everything else he needs in a woman is right at home waiting in his marital bed
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 July 2016):
So he has tried to leave you at least 6 times. But he has not tried to leave his wife even once.
Interesting.
He is teeter tottering with you- but stable and solid with his wife.
Has this never offered you any food for thought ?....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): Hi Andie's Thoughts, it's the OP.Thank you for your answer and thank you to all the others who have posted. He HAS tried to leave me several times. And he has come back every time. At least 6 times. He has said to me that he is not good enough for me. That I am too good for him. He has asked me more than once: What do I see in him? Why am I with him? Why do I choose him when I can have any guy I want? He has said to me that I am a good person and I have a beautiful heart, much too good for my own good.He said he would leave about a couple of months ago but only in words. He goes cool for a bit and says he will but he never did, never could, never would. Just does not have the resolve to follow through. He always comes back. He has his moments where he is teeter tottering but always pulls himself back from the edge so to speak. I have had several of those moments, too. But I don't leave him either. He even says he is not the right one for me and that I deserve someone who can give me all that I need and deserve. That he feels guilty for what he is doing to me, by stopping me from finding a man who can commit to me. Because these are my best years and I am wasting them on him.He knows I am not mistress material like the other poster pointed out. It started out that way like many of them do. You know, fun and games until it got serious. But I suspect he always knew I wasn't mistress material.Yet, despite all his worries, protestations, he stays with me and remains committed to our arrangement. And he himself has referred to it as a "long term relationship."
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 July 2016):
Nobody is saying the OP isn't special or not attractive; they are saying she is not special enough to him for loyalty (he can never truly give loyalty until he leaves his wife) and she shouldn't make such a big deal out of others' "unattractiveness" when, to put it simply, she is the most unattractive (for now) because she's helping someone cheat and getting jealous over someone that is not hers to lose.Nobody is putting you down, here, OP; they're being honest with you because you need to start being honest with yourself. He's not yours and he doesn't value you enough to think you deserve more than mistress; if he did, he'd either leave his wife or leave you, so that you can be someone's priority. You also don't value yourself enough or have the basic moral decency to want a single man, not a taken one.Once you leave him, you deserve better, but your whole post treated him like your boyfriend and *nothing* about what you are doing to his wife. Not one ounce of guilt, just pity for yourself that if he can cheat on her, he can cheat on you. OP, please get some counselling, so that you can leave this man behind and move on to someone good for you. Don't wast some of your best years on a cheater.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): Sorry but no he isn't yours, he belongs to his wife, you know the women who he shares a life with, made vows too infront of his family and friends. I'm sorry but he obviously still has sex with his wife if he still lives with her.
She's his world that he will never leave.
Your just his puppet who has deluded herself into believing anything he says. Then doing anything he says. What a lovely wee arrangement of getting his cake and eating it.
So as long as your OK with him havinf sex with you, then going home to also make love to his wife keep up your delusions that you do actually mean anything to him.
The fact you feel jealousy that he would go with someone else but feel no remorse for what you're doing behind his wife's back? Really?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): Not ALL women get involved with married men. In fact, most stay away because they have common sense and self respect. So, please do not worry about this other lady. He is all yours. Yes, he is quite the prize, isn't he?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): I am going to be a little nicer than some of the others. Listen, I am sure you are pretty special, beautiful and the whole package to lure a married guy away from the commitment and vows he made to his wife in front of friends, family and God. I do not think they will just jump in with any woman nor last this long with just any woman. Obviously you have chemistry and more in common that only sex to keep your relationship going for this long. I suspect your personality has a lot to do with it. It isn't just a fling. Some married guys bang one woman to the next. This one looks like he is happy with you and isn't out flinging. I truly believe if he was of the player variety, he would have been long gone if it was ONLY sex. He may genuinely care about you beyond the sex. But unlike others think, just because he doesn't have the balls to leave his wife or make a decision doesn't mean you are any less special or not worthy. I am sure you are sweet heart. He is the one who IS NOT worthy of you. Or his wife. He is selfish and wants it all on his terms. He's a coward. A guy who cannot face up to his own marital problems and takes a mistress to escape from them. So in essence he is messed up and he is taking you down with him. He is taking two women down with him.And yes, a married man would be cheating on his mistress if he has told her, promised her over and over, that he is loyal to her. If he has said to you that you are both sexually exclusive, then yes, he does owe you loyalty. You have made a verbal agreement with each other. He owes you a lot for putting up with him for two years and giving up all of your possibilities and opportunities for a real relationship. Not many women would put up with him. Don't think he doesn't know this. And not to mention he could be passing STD's onto you if he was out trolling. So yes, he has an obligation to be faithful especially in light of all the diseases out there. I am sure he would not like it if you were passing stuff onto him by being promiscuous. And some mistresses are. I am getting from your post that you are not this way. Some women fall for the guy and have no interest in whoring around. The issue is not whether or not he will cheat again. It isn't this other woman. It is absolutely possible that he will NEVER cheat again. Not all married guys are serial cheaters. Some find themselves in a situation they never expected to be in. There are in fact several categories of cheaters for all those who lump cheaters neatly into one category, one size fits all. The issue is that you cannot trust him. I suspect you have dug deep inside to be able to. And have struggled with this time and again. And you keep coming up empty. No matter how much you care or want to be with him and no matter how much he begs you to trust him, you know in your heart of hearts you cannot trust him. And this needs to be enough to leave the situation. You cannot stay with someone you don't feel safe with. It appears you are not mistress material. But rather relationship material. A mistress handles it as a business arrangement without emotions becoming involved and complicating the arrangement. If he knows this much, I am surprised he has not left you already for somebody who wants straight sex from him. That seems odd to me.Also, I beg to differ. You clearly have self esteem and confidence to be questioning this situation and trying to find solutions and likely wanting to remove yourself because you know you are better than this. So, I applaud you for that. I am not going to put you down sweetie. You are likely a beautiful girl and you obviously have a strong hold on him. He is hanging onto YOU with good reason. He KNOWS a good thing when he sees it. He KNOWS he is lucky. He KNOWS he would be very hard pressed to find this type of deal with any other woman. It would take a lot of work and time. Most would never be as devoted as you. In a way, he is lucky you are so attached emotionally. He gets the best of you. But you on the other hand sweetie, get the crumbs. The pieces he is willing to give you and you know this is not enough. You want more from him. More than he is willing to give you.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (5 July 2016):
Oh my goodness... you sound extremely insecure and under confident in yourself. I suspect this is why you have become a mistress, for that is what you are. When a man is married and has an affair, he takes a mistress. You are not his girlfriend, partner or anything else...and you never ever will be. As far as him getting involved with someone else - what makes you think you have any loyalty from him? he is married, and he can't be loyal to his wife. This is not an honourable man. This is a cheat. You are a mistress. Exactly how do you think this will pan out over time? you are 30-35, is this what you want till you are 40? 45? or do you want a real relationship with a man who can commit and who loves you enough to do so?Your comments on basically not being bothered by the other women around because they aren't attractive and you are...oh my word. your self esteem is in the gutter to make such a comment. Seriously, your problem isn't this other chick...you have way more to worry about than that let me tell you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 July 2016):
 If you are SUCH a complete package... why are you just a mistress then? Why hasn't he left his wife and made you his GF?
Just curious...
As for the female boss, well for now maybe your MM is respecting the work boundaries and sticking to a work relationship with fun and banter with her. Maybe she is married herself or... she isn't into being a homewrecker with a married man. Doesn't mean she can't have banter and fun with him at work.
And if you feel this threatened about her, have you no sympathy for his wife? It's not fun when the shoe is on the other foot is it?
One thing I can tell you, is there are NO guarantees in life, other than death. However, the more jealous and crazy you get about this, the more you will PUSH him away from you. Everyone has their limits, even cheating married men.
And honestly... you are contemplating what if something happens with her?
"Especially since he knows I would not take that lightly, already have my eye on him, and he cannot guarantee his secrets would not be exposed."
Sounds like a threat to me, are you that insecure in your "relationship"?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 July 2016):
You can't ask not to be judged, when you're doing something like this - just like you can't ask not to go to prison for doing something criminal for 2 years. You have to accept it because it comes with the territory.He can't trust you because you are a mistress. You can't trust him because he's a cheat. You're not in a relationship; you're a replaceable bit on the side. If you *were* "the whole package", he wouldn't still be married."I am making myself sick with worry, always wondering if I am just a sitting duck" - the only person doing any of this to you is yourself. There was a post from a mistress of three years a day or two ago and a day or so before that one who had waited *TEN YEARS*.... Do you not want more from your life? A man who loves you? A man who only wants you? Children?This affair will give you more and more trust issues, the longer you stay in it. They won't just go away when you leave him or he dumps you; you'll struggle with future relationships.I won't judge you per se, but I will not sugarcoat it and treat you like you're innocent. You don't trust him, but you also can't be trusted. He's betraying his wife, but so are you. What you need to do is leave. Stop asking if he's stupid enough to leave you for her or try both, ask if you're silly enough to stay any longer, OP.You're focusing on him like he's your boyfriend, like you're his soulmate, like you have any claim over him and like you mean something to him - all of those are incorrect and you should cope by cutting contact with him and not wasting any more of your life on married men.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (5 July 2016):
It is difficult not to judge someone who is a homewrecker. You call it a relationship, but he is not in a relationship with you, he is married to another woman, someone who he vowed to love and cherish and never obey, if he is able to cheat on her with you then he will go on and cheat on her some more, he cannot cheat on you because you already are only a mistress, he tells you that you are more to keep you sweet, but you know deep down that you are not, you just keep pretending because you hope one day he will be yours. He trusts you that you are silly enough to allow him to control your intimate life, you don't trust him because you know when he goes home at night it is to lie beside his wife, she is in his arms not you, she is the one that he goes home to at night. Off course you are never going to be able to trust him, he is married. He is cheating on his wife. If he thought that you where the best thing to happen him then he would leave his wife for you, but he hasn't because he enjoys the sex with you, but he is never going to leave his life for you, why would he when you are giving yourself to him so easy. He has you where he wants you. He is a player. He is a charmer and a flirt and that is why you are worried about him and this woman. You dismiss the other women as unattractive, who are you to make that judgement on people? I think that you know yourself the only way out of this is to finish whatever sordid affair that you are both having, you will never trust him and you will never get him to leave his wife, I know you are human and you are going through a lot at the moment with him, but most will say it is your own fault for getting involved with someone who was already taken, not many people like a home wrecker.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 July 2016):
You keep asking not to be judged, with such frequency that I think you know deep down that what you’re doing is wrong. How can you honestly expect to feel anything other than threatened and insecure when you know exactly what he is? He’s a cheat: already he is betraying his wife with you, so what makes you think he won’t betray you with some-one else? You can blather on vainly about how much more beautiful you are compared to this other woman and dismiss the less attractive people out of hand, but he doesn’t have the high and mighty opinion of you that you seem to have of yourself. If he really thought you were the whole package, he’d leave his wife. He’s using you, and you’re letting him. Not only that, but there is no way you can ever feel any better about this situation. He uses people and lies to them, so why would you trust him?
He has told you everything you wanted to hear to keep you hooked. However compassionate and non-judgemental I am really trying to be here, the fact remains that you went in to this as the other woman. Open your eyes and see what’s going on here: this is as good as it’s going to get for you. Either you accept the initial heartbreak now and free yourself of him, or get used to it. This is it: take it or leave it.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): I could look up at many posts on here where people are having affairs and the married one has used every line in the book. How he loves them, how his wife doesn't make him happy ect. Question for you if his wife doesn't make him happy and he is that bad of a situation why is he still with her? Any other point of course you don't trust him, he is cheating with you, he stood infront of all his family and friends and took vows of love to his wife. Yet can still do this to her with you? So trust me if he can do that to her of course he can do it to you, his mistress, little secret sorry but he owes you nothing. Then think about how hurt you would feel if he does sleep with the other women. Then think how hurt his wife with be if she found out about you. You don't mention his wife once who does have a life with him. I'm sorry but you don't and have no say in what he does. You know what type of man he is and that he can cheat, then get upset that he could do it to you! Sorry but think of what your doing to his poor wife. Sorry to sound harsh, but there can never be trust here. You know he has no loyalty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2016): I really think deep down you have the answer to this and you do not trust this man- he has and is not trustworthy - once a cheater is sadly always a cheater and you are Not in a healthy situation "your stuck " on an idea or version of this relationship that is not clear and some of us go through these denials until our blurry vision becomes 20/20You have two options 1. Accept the misery- the doubt - the half ass relationship u are in and take it2. Start moving towards the truth and try to stop denial - a man that does this can't be that great Ur just stuck in an idea or aVersion of someone u want to be with - been in that denial and the longer u stay the worse it will getLife is too short to worry about someone that doesn't give u 100 percent I wish u luck
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