A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my ex. We broke up 5Months ago after 8 months together and he did it by text after I caught him online cheating and told him to get out of my apartment. He answered that with a "have a good life. Move on" text and would t answer his phone for a week when I tried to have an adult conversation. Now 5 months later we are In the same circles and mutual friends finally convinced him to apologize. He did and says he wants to be friends. We asked me to meet and I did. We talked for 7 hoursHe says he still loves me and wants me in his life but basically isn't ready for a real relationship like I want. What do i do? I've basically forgiven him bc I love him. But stay friends or not? I want to be with him.
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broke up, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 February 2012):
 but will you ever trust him?
seriously?
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Don't take him back either as a friend or a boyfriend. Cut him loose and move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 But does he want to be your bf as he was before ( cheating and disrespecting you ), or NOW he is ready for the real relationship that you want ?
And if he said so,... how did he prove, or is going to prove that , to you ?.. ( you can't just take his word because he is not very reliable ).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate. He doesn't want to be friends. He wants to be my boyfriend again.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 January 2012):
If you want to be with him, you have to accept that it will be at his terms and conditions. No relationship, no committment, no monogamy. Not EXACTLY what you want, is it ? Better avoiding more heartbreak..
As for being " friends " - pfui. I always thought that during your lifetime you can indulge yourself and take on the occasional " bad " partner- but friends have to be GOOD. A friend must be a loyal person ; a cheater is not a loyal person; so...draw your conclusions.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 On the outside it looks pretty simple doesn't it?
Forgive him, be friends, take away his guilt and bury your feelings. You can be the bigger person? Right? You can ignore the longing for him everytime you see him...right? You can be brave when he finds and falls in love with someone else...can't you?
What are you really feeling?
He is holding on with one hand but keeping you at armslength. Saying he isn't ready for a relationship means he isn't ready for a relationship...WITH YOU!!
Belive me he could meet another girl that he fancies tomorrow and he will suddenly and miraculously be ready then!!
Why do men do this?...hold on without really wanting to be with you?...because thats what guys do so they don't have to be alone. It's that simple.
Focus on you and how you feel. What is going through your mind? I bet it is somewhere along the lines of 'If I spend enough time with him...he will want me back'
This tactic rarely works...if he wanted you, you could be living on the moon and he would come and find you, nothing would stop him.
If you want to be with him, ask him right out
'Do you want to be with me?'
If he gives you some kind of excuse 'I'm not ready' 'I don't know what I want right now' 'Let's be friends' or anything else...it all means one thing 'NO'
If he says yes and starts dating you again and wants to be with you all the time then he WANTS to be with you.
Anything that isn't a yes is going to hurt you and make you pine and feel sad.
Remove yourself from him, avoid him (especially if he mixes with your friends) and don't concern yourself with what he is doing. In time you may recover enough to be friends with him but right now I think you are hurting and that makes you vulnerable. He dumped you in the worst way, by text and also he cheated. People cheat when they arn't happy or satisfied and he will probably continue to do it until he finds 'the one'
You arn't 'the one' so its time to get over him and find 'the one' who is meant for you.
xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (21 January 2012):
He cheated on you and was caught. It should have been him begging you for forgiveness not you chasing him to have an adult conversation.
He apologised. Good. That doesn't mean you hang out with him for seven hours. That sends the wrong message.
This is a no brainer. He doesn't want a relationship, and he obviously isn't ready for one. Nor is he friend material, not after the way he treated you.
Accept his apology and move on.
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