A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with my english teacher. There is a fourteen year age gap between us, so I know honestly that nothing can ever happen. I've felt like this for so long, and sometimes I just want to get over it, but othertimes it feels like I don't want to lose him (even though I haven't got him!) He isn't married, but he lives with his girlfriend and I know they've got a stable, close and happy relationship. I don't know what to do. I know he likes me as a pupil, but I'm not a favourite. Luckily I am all right at English, so he does like my work, but I can't help wanting much more. It's so depressing. I have no confidence whatsoever anymore, especially not in lessons. Last year in English I contributed loads more than I do now; I am always scared of what he thinks of me.One time, I had to go to him because of an issue within groupwork that he'd put us into. I was upset, and he was really sweet and understanding. After that I'm now even more self-conscious and hopelessly in love!As well as the big feelings, I really admire him. I think he's funny and talented (he's in a band as well as English) and (very)good looking and (very)nice. I have an older sister who is also in one of his classes. She clearly doesn't feel the same as me, and she doesn't know I like him. She's a lot more confident, laughing and chatting to him like so many of the other students. I worry that he thinks I am boring, too quiet, or have a sense of humour bypass. I can't help envying all the people in my class who can talk to him freely and confidently without looking/feeling completely stupid.I know most people would view this as a perfectly normal crush, but I've felt like it for so long and it just won't go away that I think it's much more (please take me seriously on that). I miss him on days I don't have English, and at weekends. I am always wondering what he's doing, and wishing desperately that I knew more about him. I am always trying to find little excuses to find him at break/lunch/after school to "ask" him about something because I'm so desperate to see him. I keep telling myself I'm pathetic, but I can't help it, and I do it anyway.I don't know what to do ... I've reached a point where it seems sad and a waste of time to carry on doing nothing and suffering in silence, but I know it'd be mad to tell him. I know I should just get over him and move on, but I have no idea how, and to be honest, sometimes I don't feel I want to; I love him too much for that, and I sometimes feel I'd miss him if I did. I don't know what to do!! Please help xxx
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female
reader, Hopeless Happiness. +, writes (11 July 2009):
I feel the same, seriously.
Hang in there; nothing i say will help probably tbh.
Read my question, it's being approved at the moment.
Good luck with everything!
Maybe try and distance yourself from him?
I've tried it, it's near impossible but you have to try.
:) x
A
female
reader, malteser +, writes (25 April 2009):
 When i was at school i had a crush on my excel teacher. He was about 15 years older than me and married, I fancied him for about a year and when it was time to leave school and start my exams i lost all feelings for him. When you are at school boys your age seem imature and not as grown up as your teacher. Boys take longer to mature than girls do.So this teacher seems great compared to the guys in your year. The other thing you need to remember is that when you are young you develope feelimgs for people because your hourmones are everywhere and it can be hard to ignore or get this feeling out of your mind. When you have a chrush or an infatuation over someone it is the most horrid thing in the world. You cant eat, sleep or get through the day with out thinking about this person. But you will get over it. Just give it time. Stay away from your teacher and limit your contact as much as possible, then you wont have a reminder that you fancy him. If you decide to tell him that you like him think about what would happen. If he dosent like you, you will feel so bad and embarissed it will also ruin your school life and your ocial life. This sounds like a major crush all i can say to you is give it time and dont say anything that will make you look silly because you will gat over him and then look back and think god did i relly like you when i was younger?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): listen, young lady. you're letting your feelings get the better of you on this thing. i do not wish to callously dismiss your feelings, or your right to have them, but i suspect you have idealized this man (an 'over-valuation of the object') and, in the process, have allowed your emotions to wreak a bit of havoc. i appreciate that you have strong feelings for this man, but you are positively cheating yourself out of the opportunity to engage in a meaningful relationship with a young man. (as MY english teacher used to say to my class, 'youth is wasted on the young'. don't make the mistake of wasting your time and energy chasing after- shall i say an alluring illusion? i'm 30 years old and have had many of these 'dreams' myself. nothing good ever comes of holding on to them). gather ye rosebuds while ye may... resolve to get the upper hand of your emotions- as 'un-romantic' as that may sound. all the best
pete
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A
female
reader, Kaitlywaitly93  +, writes (17 April 2009):
I know exactly how you feel.
At the beginning of the school year in September, my English teacher was just another teacher. But we had a field trip that lasted until ten at night and that whole day we spent talking to each other about literature and music and other stuff and I realized I liked him. He's a mega cutie but that's just a plus. Whenever I'm in his class, I catch him staring at me and instead of looking away, he smiles. We always email each other about random things and he's even told me I'm his favorite student. We hang out after school every week for frisbee club. It's totally nerdy but I joined because of him; now he spends time teaching me different throws, etc. And once while we were playing we collided and by reflex (or maybe not) he wrapped his arm around my waist and smiled at me. We basically talk to each other every day and I cannot get him out of my head. He's married and has two kids, so I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I love him.
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A
female
reader, ThisGirlsInLove +, writes (10 April 2009):
Hi.Um I'm so glad you wrote this on here because reading what you wrote, I could completely relate to what is happening to me. I am 16 and I am in love with my art teacher.I know how you feel. I always wish I could just start talking to him about anything just to have a conversation, but I am too shy and nervous around him. I did talk to him a few times when I stayed behind after school with my mates to catch up on things but nothing like i wanted it to. I get really jealous too when he seems to spend the whole lesson time with people who actually talk to him.I suppose I probably look kind of pathetic in his eyes because whernever he comes over I feel really awkward and stop talking about or doing whatever I was and just look down pretending that I'm working.Also one night when we stayed behind, he phoned this woman and said that he has two tickets for a school production and asked if she wanted to go with him.I didnt go but my friends sister saw him holding hands and being really close to a woman at it.This really upset me as now I know that he if in a relationship with someone that is not me. Just the thought of them being together and doing things drives me up the wall.And yeah I feel exactly the same about wanting to get over him but not. I guess I don't really want to. good luckx
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Hey :) its me the original posterThank you for your answers, i am aiming to try and take some of the advice from each. Obviously, this isn’t a problem where I can tell you a few days later how it solved. I know it’ll probably take ages to get over, and I don’t even know if I will, but here’s an update anyway :P Anonymous, you say you “forced yourself to talk to him gradually” and you learned you had a similar taste in books and music. But, I was wondering, how did you do that?? I don’t have a lot (if any) confidence left, (especially when he’s right there, radiating cuteness! :P). But did you start those conversations? Can you give me suggestions as to how to talk to him?? Lots of the people in my class chat to him no end, but a lot of them sit right at the front. I have to sit at the very back, and am quiet anyway, so I don’t really know how to just go up and start chatting ... lol :SI’m gonna keep my marks and work good, so if he can’t love me, he can at least love my work :’(But “miss help”, as for asking to move from his class, you’re probably suggesting the most sensible thing, but I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to do that. Sometimes, I am only going in to school so I can have a lesson/catch a glimpse of him. I don’t want to throw it away, and if I miss him on days I don’t have English, it’ll be unbearable if I never have him.Lol, i am praying that I get him for media and English next year!!However, can you please give me some more advice about how to train myself so I am not obsessing over him every minute of every day??? If I am talking to someone, or thinking about something else, it will (whatEVER it is ...) link back to him in my head, and before I know it I’m thinking about him again. There’s really no-one I can talk to about this, so I just think it instead, and it builds up in a huge obsessive fantasy, which stacks up next to the other pointless thoughts I’ve had over the last few months. (btw, is that amount of thinking normal???? :S)I am looking for suggestions for distractions, or tips to get him out of my head 24/7!!Thank you x (and btw i might take up your offer and msg you again, Kitty3, lol if you don’t mind. Ty)
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (7 April 2009):
 No, no! You're not at all pathetic! I completely get where you're coming from.
the best thing is probably to forget about him, but i'd be a hypocrit to tell you to do that.
i suggest making a list of things to ask him. if you see an article on something relevent to class, etc. he'll like that too. it'll show him that you care about the class and will get him thinking about you more.
work hard on all of your assignments in that class. getting top grades will also make him notice you.
as for speaking up, i'm having trouble with that to. the few times i have, i made a conscious attempt to forget that he's so good-looking; i just pretended he was a regular teacher. if that doesn't work, so be it. you'll be the quiet (mysterious) girl he'll wonder about...
good luck! let me know how it goes!
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A
female
reader, missHelp; +, writes (7 April 2009):
 hiya, what a fantastic question you have hear ;)
and i think i have just the right answer for you;
when i had a crush on my geography teacher i could not concentrate in any of his classes, so i asked to be moved out because i knew it was comming upto my exams, it did help me alot but i felt as if i was loosing him and wanted to see him more, so when ever i got the chance to see him i took my attention onto something else like joining in the chit-chat my friends were having or going to the loo or texting on my phone,
having crushes on teachers are perfectly normal for any teenager but your seems to be more serios than anything.
all i can really recommend for you is to be moved out his class and try and take him out your mind and if this doesnt work for you i would recommend you to get some professional help.
thank you for appreciating my advice
please reply and let me know how u get on x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Hi :-)My heart really goes out to you on reading this (and I mean that), because you sound exactly like me a few years ago.I'm not sure how best to advise you because I'm not entirely sure what the best thing is to do in these situations, but I'll tell you what I did and the conclusions I've come to, and you can maybe judge yourself whether you can see yourself doing something similar?When I was 13, I started getting a different teacher for English (what is it about English teachers eh?) - a man, probably in his early 30's at the time. I hadn't seen him about school much and I didn't really know anything about him. He was my teacher for English right up until I left in year 11 (in fact he's now my media teacher, and Im in the last few weeks of year 13).I dunno what happened, but just one day, probably in year 10, something clicked inside me and I realized that I was attracted to him - God knows how, because I literally never spoke to him, other than to say 'will you help me with this sir' etc. So then i started going through all the jealousy of other students who spoke to him and had a laugh with him, while I felt shy and stupid because I literally couldn't speak to him without feeling horribly self-concious and like I was red in the face and spluttering. Eventually, in year 11, I thought to myself, I either have to just get over him or speak to him, get to know him, and I, like I believe you do, knew that there was no way I was gonna be able to get over him, and if I did I'd probably be miserable because I quite liked fantasising over him, truth be told!So I forced myself to talk to him gradually, and by the time I left year 11, we had a close teacher student relationship - nothing innappropriate, but I felt that I was probably the class favourite and I learned we shared a love of music, the smiths and morrissey mainly, and similar interests in boks etc.Now, I am 18 and although still my teacher he is my best friend. I have his email address, and we email and phone each other regularly; I sometimes see him out at gigs and clubs. When he is not my teacher in the summer, I plan on probably telling him that I see him as more than a friend, but that is another story.The point of me telling you all this is just to say that it is possible to befriend your teacher, and I think, judging by the fact that you say you 'feel you don't want to' get over him, this is what you really want, but BE WARNED - it is NOT likely to be a healthy friendhip whilst he is your teacher. Having this sort of relationship with a teacher comes with a lot of shit, as I know only too well - if I ever fall out with him, it is almost unbearable being in the school, and he will sometimes not mark my work or give me any extra help if I have upset him. Other teachers and students are suspicious of our friendship, we have both had accusations, and the amount of time I spend with him leads to me sometimes having to hide (!) in his classroom if other teachers come in, because if they see me there again he will probably get a warning. My every minute at that school is geared towards him, I have lost many friends due to the amount of time I spend with him and all the rumours, and my grades have suffered because I'm with him/thinking about him when Im supposed to be doing other work.So, Im not sure what to tell you to do - I'm not even sure if I myself have done the right thing and only you can decide if you want to pursue him, if you think he is worth it, but do be aware that it is a long and rocky road of sleepless nights spent going over and over your head what's happened, how you've let yourself get so close to a man who is attached to someone else, how he is not sleeping with you, because he is sleeping with her, it is she that he has all the shared memories with. I love my teacher, but I know that our relationship is doomed; however, i thought personally I had to get to know intimately, even though I have made things a thousand times worse for myself and him, having to move away for uni in september.I should probably tell you not to end up in my situation, but my heart tells meto tell you to go for it if you think he's worth it - just don't go trying anything on with him while he is your teacher; he won't thank you for it.Good luckxx
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