A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm in a relationship with someone I love, 2.5 years now, living together, and everything is going really well. The thing is we're long distance for a few months due to work and I'm back where I grew up and my FWB wants to hang out and I'm not sure if that's OK.So the details, I've known my FWB for like 9 years now pretty much only as a friend. We hooked up a few times and I lost my virginity to him, but trust me when I say there's NO romantic interest whatsoever. He's with someone he loves, I'm with someone I love, and we were FWB rather than dating for a reason. Not because we fight, just there's no connection of any kind.I doubt I can never fully convince my boyfriend of that cause, you know, we did have sex twice. I don't want to make him feel bad though. Is it OK to hang out with an ex?
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female
reader, Red591 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 I had a FWB once. It was fine because we both did not want to be with eachother in that way due to us being in different places in our lives. He is a good friend but once one of us dates we have to break contact. Its not a good idea to keep in contact with a FWB when ur dating someone. It would prob make you uncomfortable if the shoe was on the other foot. You don't have to be mean to the FWB but just let him know that you should probably not talk much while you are in a commited relationship. I think this is best. I don't do the FWB thing anymore as it is a huge waste of time in the end but I guess it was fun while it lasted. I hope everything turns out ok. :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): I agree with Shawncaff about everything he said.
In fact your BF probably does not want to believe that your sexual history with this other guy is really as meaningless as you say it is. If your BF is like most guys then he would prefer to think that any time you chose to sleep with a guy it was because the guy meant something to you romantically. "It was just sex with this other guy, it meant nothing to me" may in fact be the worst thing you could be saying to your BF.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Thanks for the clarification.
I will be honest in saying that I find it difficult to comprehend the whole FWB thing, and I find your situation also difficult to understand. On the one hand, you write that with this guy "there's no connection of any kind," yet you also write that you are "really good friends". Usually, really good friends have a connection.
To me, this sounds like the amorphous, all-too-casual nature of today's dating scene among youth, where there is no great commitment or passion.
Given all that, I would then say that you two could legitimately meet (i.e., not doing anything to hurt your respective partners) if you are both clear that nothing physical is going to happen. It might even be worth spelling it out beforehand. If you are both good friends, then you should be able to communicate things to each other, and this, I think, should be one of them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually we're really good friends, just mostly through the internet. I have seen him briefly a couple times in the past few years, but never totally alone or in any situation that could be deemed romantic.
We talk all the time over email and chats, my boyfriend knows about this and is OK with that part.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (24 September 2011):
I say no.
First of all, it sounds like you have not been in touch with your FWB for a couple years. It is not like you are close.
Also, FWB is a dubious relationship. There is an unwholesome quality about it. I haven't seen the recent movies about the phenomenon with Ashton Kutcher and with Justin Timberlake, but FWBs to me is largely about using each other. You are not really friends and you are not really girlfriend/boyfriend. Really, you are two people who are attracted to each other physically but do not want to make a commitment for whatever reason.
Friends are people who care about each other as people.
Friends who are attracted to each other and are intimate are called girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife.
FWBs do not fit into this category.
For this reason, if I were your bf, I would be very upset that you are seeing a guy who used you to some extent, and whom you used.
There is no reason to see him. I would just politely avoid his company.
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