A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.I am a romantic. I believe in love and everything it entails. However, my best friend know I have known for eleven years, is a cheater.I know it isn't my life and it's hers. I also know that it is her decision and hers alone. I have felt this way for nearly three years now and I don't think I can keep it to myself anymore.She has a serious boyfriend of four years. She'll say things on Facebook/etc about how she wants to marry him, etc, and that he's the one, but then behind his back she'll make out with numerous men and 'fool' around with them. I am the terrible secret bearer, but I am also her best friend.Whenever we hang out, I'd ask her if she would say yes if he proposed. You know what her answer was?'Probably.'And then I'd ask her what she would do when he leaves for the Marines [which he plans to do for THEIR future.]'I'll drop him. There's a lot of really cute guys in my college anyways.'I am dumbfounded. Love is sacred! It's amazing! He's totally in love with her and she doesn't even feel the same way! She'll be with him and when he's gone, she'll go fool around with some kid that's still in high school!It just bothers me that she says 'I love you' so carelessly to him. Then when he gets her mad, it's suddenly some double-standard. I tried telling her in a subtle-way. Sort of like, 'Hey.. are you sure you should be doing this?'And she'll say something like, 'I just play around. Nothing serious.'And I'll drop it, because it's none of my business.But the secrets keep piling up and I am a romantic. It's conflicting.What do I do? I want to still be her friend without having to keep her secrets and feel like I'm involved somehow.I've been her best friend forever.. so please help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2013):
 just like we outgrow our clothes and boyfriends sometimes we outgrow our best friends.
in this case, you're growing and she is not.
stop asking her questions that you don't want to hear the answers to.
part of the problem is you aren't actually being a friend... your judging her.... (not saying that's wrong or right... just saying it's what you are doing)
if you don't agree with her behavior... you don't agree but you are not her judge and jury and you have no way of making her do what you want or think she should do.
so you have a hard choice....
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Best friends are honest, even when it's difficult. So, I would agree with iAmHereToHelpYou. Tell her that you love her, but you just can't handle all of these secrets anymore.
If she asks questions, then answer them honestly - but with sensitivity. Friends give honest answers.
I sure am sorry about this situation! That must be really hard on you. Good luck, sweet! :)
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A
female
reader, tinamoon +, writes (25 February 2013):
cheaters are cheaters. There's nothing you can really do in this situation except talk to her. Tell her what your view on love is and ask her what hers is and maybe why/how she could do that to her boyfriend. When girls cheat it's usually because they're missing something in their relationship. Maybe there's more behind the story? I have a friend who is similar. She always cheats on her boyfriend who absolutely adores her and he always goes back to her. It didn't matter how many times we got mad at her for it, it just went one ear out of the other. Just talk to her, don't get mad at her, ask her why she does these things out of curiosity and see where that goes.
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