A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok, longest story ever, but i feel myslef just falling into depression need some help.....My boyf and i broke up 2 days ago, for religous differences. He suddenly felt that we have been kidding ourselves, nobody would accept us and, if acceptance meant conversion on his part, he could no longer do that. i respect that,but now i am killing myself! i know that this guy loves me more than his own life..not to say we dnt have problems, but through the two years i have managed to deal with his anger, possesivness and general bouts of the blues from time to time. things like him cheating on me, stuff like that have not entered my head, how can i leave a love that i know is true.....and knowing my sorry luck, i will probably never have this again.But on the flip side, the problems between us are intense, through his own admission his anger problems are destructive, he is wary of ANY male company i keep, he wants to keep me all to himself,which makes me feel caged in. in addition, so many people have remarked that while i am studying for an MA, he has barely finished his A-Levels, a relationship based on such 'status' differences would not last, esp if the female is in the higher position.But i love him, so much, that i cant write about him without crying. i feel depserately alone without him. i was fragile when i met him, still suffering from being sexually assaulted when i was six, he gave me so much strength. i dont even know what my question is.....i just feel like i've lost a half of me. i'm notlooking at my relationship with rose-tinted spectacles, i've taken some shit that i know most modern girls wouldnt,and it is not a case of me just wanting a boyfriend or i wanting to be loved. ITS HIM, despite his shitty side, he has the purest heart in all the world, am i stupid to let this go..........??????I am going fucking crazy, why is life so fucking hard....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): I just read your words and had to go back and forth - you said 'he has the purest heart' but had previously pointed out that you had to deal with his possesiveness and moodiness ..etc and that you've put up with more than any modern girl should.It sounds to me that this man has manipulated you by making you believe he was your strength and that you needed him because of your past upsets. This is typical behaviour from a controlling personality and whether you are male or female, modern or old fashioned, no one should be allowed to control you like that.You sound like you have so much going for yourself and even if you didn't you are a still an individual with absolute rights and must put yourself first.Ofcourse you're going to be sad and lonely and feel a huge part of you is missing but that is mainly because it is a part of you that until now you have devoted to him and to believing in him. Turn that round to yourself, believe in yourself, trust your judgement and your own instincts - you have answered your own questions or doubts. BELIEVE and you WILL ACHIEVE.
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Or if not forget about it, also discover other new and good things about yourself and other new people... life really goes on!
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (25 July 2007):
It takes time, but every day will heal you, gradually, you will see. The intensity of your feeligns will fade away and sooner rather than later you will look back wondering wether it was really you going through such torment. it seems unbelievable but you really will forget about it....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Honey it's only been two days! Sometimes people need to separate from each other in order to really sort themselves out. Your relationship had some of the most major problems a relationship can have. Anger management problems, jealousy and controlling behaviors, religious differences, educational differences, depression...just one of these in a relationship can destroy it and you had all FIVE. Take this time to reflect on whether you and he would have ever been able to overcome all of these issues. I know you are hurting but you will better as the days go by I promise.
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A
female
reader, rachy-baby-helps +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Firstly, well done for managing to move on from the sexual abuse in your past. I, too have been through this and know how difficult it is to talk about and to move on, so well done.I'd like to ask how long you and your boyfriend have been together and whether it has always been as you described?If this boyfriend was possesive and hated you having male company is there a reason in his past for this? There may be things he is not saying that he feels could happen again. Reassure him that he is the one you want and that you can both work around issues you may have. Have a look at why religion is an issue between you. Sit down and talk. If you know he still loves you then he will be more than happy to try work and some don't. Don't try and force him to come back to you because this won't work, it will push him further away. If talking about issues and spnding qality time together doing things you both love doesn't help to get him back then try to move on. I believe that there is more than one soulmate out there for everyone, so don't feel lost you will find someone else even if you don't think you will.I hope this helps you, and good luck in whichever path you take
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