A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 years old women with no children. Well established in my career. My parents recently divorced so I moved back home to help my mother maintain bills. My love life hadn’t been much of anything because past relationships just didn’t work out. Other the Thanksgiving holiday, many of my college friends were in town so we decided to hang out and grab some drinks, where I ended up meeting a really nice guy that I wasn’t initially attracted to but his conversation was very captivating. We ended up exchanging phone number and there are romance begun. He has 3 children that are 20, 16, 7 and he is 45.He is very involved in his children’s lives. We go on dinner dates once a week, I have met many of his friends and his parents. When we began the relationship he said that he didn’t want anymore children, however since falling in love he has reconsidered because he realizes how important motherhood is to me. Our plan is to start trying in six months. I haven’t yet introduced him to my family because I know that they might not approve, should I take there opinions into consideration? They are going to want me with someone younger and with no children. I am very happy with my decision to fall in love with him and I don’t want my families negative outlook to hurt it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2016):
 I have no issues with age gap relationships
I am 13 years older than my husband who is a mere 11 years older than my oldest child.
It happens. Go for the RELATIONSHIP and let the family know so that they can watch it unfold and you can show them long term that it's working
TABLE THE trying for a baby until after you are together two years or longer. Any sooner than that and you risk negativity and single parenthood with a father stretched so thin that minimal support or fiscal assistance will happen.
Think with the right end honey....
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 February 2016):
 What is negativity for you ?
If people applaudes blindly any idea or initiative of yours, no matter how risky, impulsive, whimsical it may be, then they are positive ?
But if they say " Mhh... your idea contains disadvantages and downsides, think it over carefully, see all the pros and cons, proceed with caution " then they are negative ?....
If you expect all the world always to be enamoured with anything you do , no matter how half -assed it may seem ( and note that I say " seem " , not " be ": but generally it is time which tells if it was half assed or not ) then, expect a lot of " negativity " in your life.
Of course your mom may have objections to your wedding with a guy who's old enough to be your father and with 3 grown up children !, what do you expect . She is your mom, and she would want the best, ideal relationship for you and this one is not, because it presents potentially lots of problems, hurdles and challenges to overcome.
This is not to say that you two cannot have what it takes to make it work, and that you cannot be happy together regardless of the problems etc.- but you can't decide this on blind faith, hormons and a 3 months knowledge.
3 months you know him and you are already talking about making babies with him ! ??- something that would bond you to him for life even if things should go pear shaped , and that would change your whole life anyway ?....
I think mostly anybody in the world would tell you that 3 months is too early even to decide if you should adopt a kitten together ( and this regardless of the age difference and grown up stepchildren ).
But if your mom says " slow down, darling, hold your horses- that's not a decision you can take based on impulse and butterflies in the stomach " then she is being Negative Nelly who rains on your parade just for sheer malice.
I think that, at the end of the day, you have to decide who you are. If you are the type that will do what she wants to do ,come hell or high water, and if there are bad consequences, so be it- then you do not need to have positive reinforcements. You can let people have the freedom to express their misgivings, without being affected or influenced.
Or, you are the type who values the wisdom, experience and LOVE of her parents and friends, and trust they only want the best for you- then you can listen to their advices and objections too with a serene , open mind, without sulking or taking offence. Knowing that you can CONSIDER their advice, and take it seriously, in the sense of making an HONEST effort to see if and how it applies to your case,- but eventually you will make your own decision. Without resenting people just because they did not salute your choice with wild enthusiasm.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): If I were the older kids then I'd be extremely unhappy that my father has taken up with a random stranger who is young enough to be my sister and is already talking about popping out a half-sibling less than three months after they met.You've experienced major changes that may be clouding your ability to make well-informed long-term radically-life-altering decisions. You need time to adjust to the recent upheaval in your life and to get your mother to a place where she can live independently. And in any event you barely know each other, why are you thinking of rushing into an ill-advised pregnancy even before you've rushed into an ill-advised marriage?Do you really want to end up as a forty-ish single mother stuck raising a kid on your own when he trades you in for a younger model ten years from now?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 February 2016):
 I don't come from a place of negativity but I will say you need to think it through carefully. You dated for a few months and then already you are trying for a baby. Before having children it's better to be certain that you would be in each other's life forever. It's harder for a divorcee to convince you this would be the case. Yes I am sure you will hear stories of how bad the relationship was, or maybe they parted amicably. Maybe it's mid life crisis and he wants to feel young again with you. You can't be certain until you have been with each other through ups and downs, arguments and boredom, and know that he would still be there for you.
Don't rush it. It's premature to make a life commitment to an unborn when you are not sure if you would get along, not just him but with all three of his children too. Selfishly speaking, a man with no kids would have more time and money for you. Something that you would cherish greatly once you have your own kids. You are young and never married and that's your trump card. You can afford to be pickier.
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