A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I posted something a while back about a woman who was blowing hot and cold on me for a while, and the relationship is definitely over now. We were seeing each other for about eight years. It looks like it's done for now because she basically told me that I should move on. So why am I having such a hard time with this? I should know better after she subjected me to a lot of covert narcissist tactics like blowing hot and cold, giving me the silent treatment, and occasionally pushing my buttons. The fact that she's very attractive and well to do makes it harder too.I am dabbling back in the dating world a bit and it is such a cesspool out there! The games that people play, and all these multiple profiles on dating sites. It's really depressing.What I don't get is the fact that I'm a good looking guy with a solid career, money in the bank, good self esteem, etc. At the same time, the pain of this breakup is getting worse by the month instead of better. It's affecting my job, sleep, and social life. I never thought that I would experience such feelings of isolation and depression. The funny thing is that all of my friends think that I am some kind of player with women clamoring for my attention.So what can I do to mitigate all this heartache? I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.Thanks in advance for your feedback: )
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): Sometimes you just need to let go and you have no choice but to move on. I know it's easier said than done, but you will recover. You will find true love. You will find the right person at the right time. just give it time and don't rush into a new serious relationshi unless you are certain. Again go out on dates and have fun dating without having any high expectation. Try to get away from the idea of having your ex-girlfriend type as a benchmark for all women. This is not good on the long run and you might end up disappointed and heartbroken.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies.The main thing that I'm dealing with is having made her the benchmark for all other women. Aside from all her hot and cold issues with me, she is so pretty, sweet, successful, charming, great kisser, affectionate, etc. It's so hard to move on because I don't think I'll ever find someone who I will love as much as I did her.Even though we had a passionate and steamy relationship, she also said that she wasn't always sure about my intentions becuase I never expressed my all that much verbally. But I was also guarding myself from what I perceived to be her cold side. I always felt that she could drop me in an instant with no regrets if I outlived my usefulness. She has a complicated side that I considered and incorporated into my feelings towards her, and that's something she didn't like. I did all that so I wouldn't lose her....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): I'm very sorry to hear you feel depressed but that is normal after a breakup and only time can heal your broken heart. You are not alone in this, i'm going through the same thing, I was with a guy who cared about himself and about his needs only, gave me the silent treatment and blow hot and cold. I'm a pleasant person in everyone's eye, pretty, independent, not nagging and very well educated. You are grieving the loss of a relationship that lasted 8 years. That is a very long time. I'm not saying you should sit at home in isolation, no you should not be alone, you should go out with friends and family, have fun and do things that make you happy, read,watch movies and go out for nice walks in the fresh air. It's too early to start dating, but even if you want to start dating immediately don't have high expectations. Just enjoy meeting new people and have fun. Good luck, you sound like a nice guy and you deserve good things to happen to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2016): I know exactly how you are feeling, you are not alone in this as I am just over a breakup with a guy I thought was the one. He was an alcoholic and was hot and cold with me and also gave me the silent treatment for no reason and told me to delete his number and that we didn't suit each other which I know was just his drunk talk, he also was very attractive which makes it event harder because I am afraid I wont get anyone like him again. All I can say is put it to the back of your mind and do things that make you happy if you are meant to be together you will find a way back,as you were with her 8 years that is a long time and it will take time to get her out of your system. I wouldn't bother with dating until you feel much better as your heart wont be in it and it wont help you. Give it time, and see what happens.
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